What to do - workload problem

AliceBanned

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Alice Banned

It is clear you are in a difficult highly frustrating situation

I know where you are coming from, as I have been in a similar situation

Your manager sounds like a spineless wimp , and for reasons best known to him/herself, is unlikely to rock the boat. The louder you shout, the more it COULD (unfairly) look like you are the one with the issues, not the other person

It sounds like this situation and the resentment around it, has been bubbling up for years.

Why waste 45 hours (or whatever you work) a week being miserable?

I think you are doing right looking for another job hun. You will find a role for a company that DESERVE you and will not take advantage.

Thank you, that's so kind. Guess I am frustrated because of this lack of respect for me and I do feel it would feel great to resign.:D . The frustration is that I need to take time to get the right thing, and I don't want to be there for another day!! Hence booking lots of leave between now and September.

pickledonionspaceraider

AliceBanned wrote: »

I think at the heart of it the problem is that I feel insecure when I shouldn't, because things are not transparent. Not sure why I am so affected by that, suppose I just like honesty and fairness and it seems this is not happening and I don't know why, or what to do about it.


I really can't stand my manager now btw, he is so fake and incompetent!! I hate having to 'respect' someone like that.

Maybe your insecurities stem from the fact that you are breaking your back at work - whilst this other person is chilling out - and they are treated with far more respect than you

It is not surprising as you are dealing with this feeling of being the under dog EVERY MINUTE OF YOUR WORKING LIFE....i think that would be enough to make anyone feel insecure

This job is having a lot more effect on you than you realise - health and psychological issues

Honest, I would get out asap if i were you

AliceBanned

PlutoinCapricorn wrote: »

The 'give her enough rope and she will hang herself' approach might work.

I suppose a lot depends on how much you want to stay with this particular organisation. It would be their loss as much as yours if you left, and if you find a better place they will have done you a favour.

Thanks. The theme is moving more towards me going. I can only fight this for so long - I think it is a losing battle.


In the mean time the agony of staying, but I will try pulling out all the stops for another job. It doesn't even have to be perfect as once out of that rut I will find it easier to move on again if the next one is boring/stressful or whatever. Guess a lot of my problem is not having the finance to just stop and choose properly; ie being vulnerable. My manager and director know this; they know my social status etc and I wouldn't put it past them just thinking I need them more than they need me. I need to believe the opposite.

AliceBanned

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Maybe your insecurities stem from the fact that you are breaking your back at work - whilst this other person is chilling out - and they are treated with far more respect than you

It is not surprising as you are dealing with this feeling of being the under dog EVERY MINUTE OF YOUR WORKING LIFE....i think that would be enough to make anyone feel insecure

This job is having a lot more effect on you than you realise - health and psychological issues

Honest, I would get out asap if i were you

You are right. For some reason for years and on other matters there my self esteem has been damaged. It just isn't right for me to be there!

pickledonionspaceraider

AliceBanned wrote: »

Thank you, that's so kind. Guess I am frustrated because of this lack of respect for me and I do feel it would feel great to resign.:D . The frustration is that I need to take time to get the right thing, and I don't want to be there for another day!! Hence booking lots of leave between now and September.

I think :-

If/when you make the definite decision to resign and find another job - just the very act of making the decision will make you feel much better and clearer about things (before you actually DO anything about it)

at the minute, your confidence is knocked, and seems to me you are wibbling in between choices

But believe me once you make your mind up, that weight will lift and then the stress can stop in that sense. You can start getting proactive and search for jobs.

There will be no major rush to do this, as your bills are covered by your current job

but

You will be thinking in the back of your mind ''I dont care about these issues, as I will be leaving when i get another job'' and rise above it. Whilst looking forward to the day you can hand your notice in, and tell them exactly what you think of them

AliceBanned

I'm really glad to have posted and had such helpful, understanding responses.


I will let you know what happens after the meeting on Mon - hopefully by then I won't be as bothered.


True my health is being affected and has been for some time. Just not right.

AliceBanned

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I think :-

If/when you make the definite decision to resign and find another job - just the very act of making the decision will make you feel much better and clearer about things (before you actually DO anything about it)

at the minute, your confidence is knocked, and seems to me you are wibbling in between choices

But believe me once you make your mind up, that weight will lift and then the stress can stop in that sense. You can start getting proactive and search for jobs.

There will be no major rush to do this, as your bills are covered by your current job

but

You will be thinking in the back of your mind ''I dont care about these issues, as I will be leaving when i get another job'' and rise above it. Whilst looking forward to the day you can hand your notice in, and tell them exactly what you think of them

. And I am realising just now that part of my panic is I am so low in self-belief workwise that I may be stuck there for ever being self-destructive. I need to pick myself up and get that change in attitude - it is coming slowly. Thanks for your supportive words, it really helps.

AliceBanned

PS one more thing I feel so insecure and paranoid there, that I get this fear that when I get offered another job, they will give me a bad reference (by doing it off the record). They probably won't, who knows, but that is how fearful I am that I am trapped there forever and blocked from any progress. It's a bit irrational but also true for me as lots of things have been blocked..and I feel I've been doing a good job but languishing due to constant bullying and put-downs which don't get dealt with.

melloecastro

Having been in this situation I would approach this from a different angle.

By being asked to complete more projects- is this not just a sign that you are good at what you do and more capable? Is this not good experience for your cv? Could you use it to get a better role elsewhere for more money?

Do you socialise with your colleagues outside of the office? It may be that if you spend time together it helps. I had this issue with a colleague once but as I got to know them on a personal level I got to understand a lot more why my boss was helping them/reducing their workload and became a lot less resentful.

Do you have team meetings? Perhaps suggest each quarter you can sit down and go through the projects across the team combined. By working together and asking each other for input this could help? Could you share projects/get an intern?


You may have already thought of this/done this but wanted to put it out there as I have been there!

PlutoinCapricorn

Just a few more thoughts.

In your position, I might remind myself of the standard distribution or bell-shaped curve. This means that someone who is well above average fast, accurate and conscientious will feel that they live in a world full of slow, careless and irresponsible people!

The Dunning-Kruger effect means that many people are not capable of evaluating the contribution made by colleagues who are better than they are. There is no point in trying to obtain respect and recognition from those who have not got it to give because they cannot tell the difference between a good project manager and a bad one.

Unfortunately, changing jobs does not always work as bad management and people who get away with a lot are endemic in office culture. On the other hand, I used to work with someone who was fine until a new 'Head of' arrived.The newcomer had favourites; for some reason my colleague was not among them and a few spiteful digs soon reduced her to a bad state and she lost confidence. She realised that things were unlikely to improve and found another job. The travel time was much less and the salary was a lot higher. She has been there for around 10 years now and has no complaints.