What can I do - advise needed.

Runningtostandstill

Thanks - especially for the moral support.

A few letters came through today (which I opened) and they were settlement figures so it looks like the wife has called everyone to see what is actually owned, so I will get all these together.

As for selling on Ebay I am a bit of an expert on that! I even run an Ebay shop for my company but yes, anything we have is going. My car is worth about £4.5k but I would be happy with a £1000 car. Cancelled the milk man - £15 per month and also cancelling Sky tonight - have to do with the free channels so the belts are being tightened quickly.

Now that nursury is over, I can plough £500 per month in addition to the wifes.

Should we speak to the loan and cc companies to say we are struggling or will this make matters worse?

Thanks

Triker

Hey, congratulations, it seems like you have both started taking some serious steps to tackle the problem.

I cannot give advice re the loan and cc people as as yet I have yet to read about any of these companies being reasonable, but someone should be able to advise.

Great news re the car, the milkman and sky, it's amazing how much these figures add up to.

Do you receive any benefits, you should have qualified for working tax credit re nursery fees, may be worth looking into if you haven't already. Maybe get some backdated? Worth a go.

pollyanna24

Just out of interest, why have you put up with having less than a £100 out of your wages each month to spend on yourself (I added up bills then took off her £300 contribution) and let her have £700 to effectively "blow" on what she likes?

What me and bf have done is stick all our wages in the joint account, then take out £400 to "blow" on what we like? Just doesn't seem fair that one half of a couple gets more spending money than the other (I can appreciate that this may be the case if one earns more than the other, but in this situation, it appears the one who earns less has a lot more disposable income).

MrsTinks

You have got to stop her spending before you do anything else... otherwise anything you do now to reduce this debt will become a futile exercise... She'll only run the debts up again!
I would suggest SHE pays you from her salary from now on and you control the repayments. She is obviously not able to deal with the finances and for now you need to control them I think...
Give her an allowance for food I think £220 is realistic as already mentioned and stick it in 5 jars:
Week1 £45
Week2 £45
Week3 £45
Week4 £45
Treats: £40
Anything she doesn't spend in a week can be added to the Treat jar. What should come out of the treat jar is things like magazines, snacks, sweets - things not 100% necessary for your basic food needs. How she chooses to spend this is now up to her. How she handles this will tell you if she is serious about dealing with this and not just hoping you'll fix it and make it all go away...
Close the catalog accoutns and ask them to send letters confirming they have been closed and not just "made dormant" (they are sods for this!) these will be the ones with the highest APR more than likely...
Return anything you can - every penny counts! And flog anything that is worth flogging - especially anything useless she has bought "just because"...
Whatever you do DO NOT turn this debt into a secured debt! Not through the mortgage or a secured loan - if you want then try for a life of balance APR card like M&S (check Martins article for the latest best deals) and move the highest APR debts on there.

And get her to read the OS board!

And congratulations on the promotion

misspoppy

Hi

I've read your thread with interest, whilst I think its great you are supporting your wife there doesn't seem to be much evidence of her making any sacrifies to pay back this debt, Tine has made a great suggestion and I think you should use her wages to pay it all back and make sure she doesn't open any more accounts. If you are on top of her spending you should be able to make great in roads to the debt by throwing her money at it.

Good luck

juliapenguin

Running - big congratulations on your promotion! I really feel for you - my first husband and I never worked as a team financially and got into all sorts of bother. I think I married Mr Penguin mainly because he was brilliant with money (not rich but really sensible and not always wanting stuff).

I'm not sure if this is relevant or helpful to you, and of course it requires your wife's cooperation, but we have a joint account which one of us (it happens to be my husband) 'controls' in that he checks it daily and pays everything for the house. He then transfers some money (at the moment £170) every month into a separate account for me to spend as I wish, so that I don't feel I ever have to ask him for money or explain my purchases to him. We did this even when I was earning a good salary, although I'm not working at the moment. The reason we started doing this is that we were both used to being financially independent but had very different ways of managing the current account, and it works really well to do it this way. I've just read this back and it sounds a bit confused and possibly even sexist lol but it works brilliantly and there's no danger of both of us taking cash out of the cashpoint on the same day and overdrawing the account if you see what I mean!

Phew - I need a lie down after that...

Good luck! Like others have said, she needs to deal with her spending as much as her debt, and only she can do that.

Julia xx

Runningtostandstill

Hi - and thanks again. The OH has asked for all the money to be paid in one account now and I give her what we need. We have never done this before because I know how bad she is with money and never wanted to risk paying the essential bills!

We have recently shopped in Home Bargains, Lidle etc and it was great but what we saved she just spent on crap - bunches of flowers etc.

I have been a bit blind and that is what is upsetting for me - I have paid for everything, struggled with money every month and I am not the one with the problem and now have to sort it.

Now that I have taken "control" she is quite happy but the worrying bit is that she did want to just lump the debt on the mortgage so we could have more spending money every month - forgetting that we will be paying it for 20 years. I would rather make every sacrifice posible and get rid of the debt. One of OH concerns is if people find out by realising that we are cutting back by no holidays, selling the car etc but that doesn't bother me.

We do get tax credits - £40 per month. Why can't nursery fees be tax refundable!