What can I do - advise needed.

Runningtostandstill

Hi - first post. I regulary brouse the forums but never thought I would be posting!

My wife came home on Friday and told me that she was in debt but would not tell me the figure as I would go mad but she warned it was over £10K. Eventually she confessed that it was actually £37k. This has come as a huge surprise as I pay for basically everything and have always done so. From over £1000 take home pay my wife pays £300 towards bills and pays for the food. Thats it. I have bought every car, house, holiday etc.

She would like me to increase the mortage to cover but I am not sure I can do it and to be honest want to as I am soooo angry.

This was the last month our daughter is in nursury and I was looking forward to saving £500 per month. I have a small amount of debt (£5k) which has all been for work on the house we are restoring which I hoped to pay off now nursury has gone. What are our options???? My take home pay is £1600 and my out goings are:

Mortgage - £650 (raising to £700 in Nov)
Car Loan (£90) Finishes Nov.
Gas, Water, Elec - £115
Council Tax -£140
Nursury - £500 (reduces to £80 per month to cover holidays next month)
TV Liceance £12
B/Band - £12
Mobile - £12
Telephone - £20
Diesel - £80
Car Tax - £10
Servicing £10
Sky - £21.50 (no TV signal were I live)
Joint Life insurance - £30
Car Insurance - £30
Building Insurqance - £25

As you can see I have been paying for everything and am really thrifty - I do all the work on the house, car etc and never pay shop price. I cannot get my head around so much debt with absolutely nothing to show for it.

What are my options?

taplady

Hi!
I can certainly understand your anger but hopefully the good people here will be able to help you. You also need to post a list of your debts, payments, interest rates etc to go along with your income so that they can help you.
I'm no expert I'm afraid but theres lots here who are!

comping_cat

Could you maybe shop around for a deal that links your broadband, telephone and television - might not save loads, but a little bit.
I also have really bad television reception where i live, but ive been able to cancel sky completely, but still receive their free to view channels so that could be another option (sky do do a package re broadband, dont know much about it, but might be worth looking into).

climbgirl

I wouldn't increase the mortgage to cover her debts - you're turning unsecured debt into secured debt and if, for whatever reason, you can't make the payments on it then you risk the house. It's not a great move.

Can we see details of her debts? APRs, min payments, credit limits etc, there may be scope to shuffle some around a bit to decrease the interest for starters.

To be honest, I think one of the first things you have to address is why she got into debt in the first place and whether her spending habits have changed so it won't happen again. She has to want to tackle this herself otherwise, you can lead a horse to water...

basketcase

Hi!

Agree with what's been said so far. You're understandably angry, but it's not going to help. I don't think that upping the mortgage would help either...

You say that your wife has £1000 pay, of which she gives you £300 towards food. Would she be willing to come on here and post an SoA so that we (ie people more qualified that I am!) could sort out how to better use the other £700 pm. And has she told you what she's been spending it on?

angelavdavis

I agree with all the posters so far (particularly the danger of switching unsecured to secured debt) and thought I would add a couple of extra comments:

1) If your wife has no other outgoings then she will need to go through her outgoings - might be worth her keeping a spending diary for the next couple of months so she can see what she is spending.
2) Once you have established her spending money - she should then put all that money on the extra debts. She should look on the snowball calculator and enter her debts and interest rates to see the order in which she needs to pay things off. http://www.whatsthecost.com/snowball.aspx?country=uk
3) Whilst you may want to help her out from time to time and offer support, I think she needs to have her own "lightbulb moment" and take ownership for her debts.
4) Has your wife been making regular payments? If so, I suggest she attempts to apply for at least one lower life of balance credit card to minimise the interest she is paying. She can then update the snowball calculator with this information.
5) What has your wife spent the money on? I think you need to look into this - and why she feels she needs these things. It could be depression for example that could be the underlying cause. If she has been buying furtively then I suggest she looks at starting to list as much stuff as possible on eBay to generate some cash to lower the debts.
6) Sign up to www.quidco.co.uk and shop around for insurance (using quidco for cashback where appropriate). Get into the habit of not buying anything unless it is a) properly reduced, b) provides cashback or loyalty points, c) importantly, is really necessary.

I have to add, I earn a lot more than your wife, and I would LOVE to have £700 a month to spend (although would have to pass on having her debt!)

Are you sure she isn't buying other things? (I noted that clothes are missing from the list, I also suggest she might be overspending on food (as many of us did pre-DFW)- get her to look over on Old Style at ways to cut back on food. For two of you plus your kiddie, you could easily only spend £220 per month max (I don't have children, but spend £175 per month for two of us including beer/wine), assuming she is spending about £80 per month (I wish) on clothes, that still leaves £400 unaccounted for.

The easiest way to see if the overspend is food, look at these questions - how much is being thrown away each week because it goes off before being eaten (keep a list)? Are the freezer/cupboards full yet you still regularly food shop (many people do this out of habit) - in which case, meal plan and do a storecupboard challenge to run down the cupboards and freezer and stretch the funds out longer. Are you buying food from expensive outlets such as M&S or Waitrose - for a change, try some other foodstores such as Lidl or Aldi - they won't have the variety, but they can make a real change in the pocket, why not make a shopping list and buy online - the £5 delivery will be saved on the amount of impulse buys you will avoid, etc.

I hope that helps.

tyllwyd

Are you sure you are being totally realistic with your budget? I added up what you listed, and it came to £1757.50, which is nearly £160 more than the £1600 you say you take home. You say your wife is paying £300 towards bills, so I guess that leaves you with £140 for everything else.

If your wife is paying £300 for bills, plus, say £300-400 for food and then paying bits and pieces for clothes, things for the house you are doing up, that can eat up the money. And if she started running up debts then interest payments eat up a lot more. What I'm trying to say is that obviously she has been living above her means, but maybe it has crept up on her because you haven't sat down together and set limits on what you should be spending in total as a family.

The first place to start might be to do a realistic budget for the whole household taking into account both salaries - then at least you both know what the situation is.

omg_3

Tyllwyd has a very good point. Also you apear to have missed a LOT from your SOA, including clothes, holidays, presents, repairs to house etc etc. IMHO your £2,600 pcm is not covering your spending, hence the cc's. Please do not atribute full blame to your OH

Runningtostandstill

Hi and thanks for ll the replies.

Had a chat tonight before we started argueing (yes, I know it doesn't help) and it seems she has been just sticking everything on cards for 10 years, taking loans out and then spending again. She has always been the type to say you must have as everyone else has type of person - if you see what I mean. Only this week she was calling me mean for not going to Disney Paris and then we had a delivery from Next for £90 - the day before telling me. regarding the food we throw loads away - its a big moan. She will not eat anything within 2 says of the sell buy date but always buys the 2 for 1 deals when we never get to eat the free item! Nothing is ever 2 for 1 - she is an advertisers dream - if it says 50% cheaper is must be a bargain - buy it wether we need it or not!


Were as I am very carefull and worry about debt and only use it as a tool when nescessary - like for building materials for the house.

I will get a list of all the debts. She says that she has spoken to a few of the companies and they all suggested re-mortgaging - as they would as they don't want her stop paying!

My out goings are correct - I make a bit of money buying and selling bits as part of a hobby which pays for the hobby so my only interest is paid for! I never have any money. All the people I manage at work always joke that they have more money yet earn a great deal less.

I had a bit of good news in that I am be promoted from tomorrow which is another £1500 per year and another £1500 in 6 months so some good news.

Triker

Firstly, Welcome to DFW.:hello:

Well, like the rest of us who wish to tackle the debt we're in, I'm afraid your wife and yourself will have to tighten your belts.

I would say first get all the credit cards and store cards and work out which is the most expensive apr.

Ditto with the loans.

Then start with the highest apr first and start paying off what you can. Maybe write a big list down of each and every debt and have a plan on how much you can overpay off.


This will require determination and honesty but together you can do it. Try not to get into any more arguing, the level of debt has obviously caused you both distress.

Then start to tackle them one by one, it's not going to be easy all this but at least it's £37,000 and not £137,000.

Reality check, disneyland paris is out of the window, so will shopping at Next.

There is ebay to consider, start selling some of the excess 'stuff' that you may have.

Food, well again, plan ahead, maybe do online food shopping only.

Markets are cheaper for meat/veg, the OLDSTYLE board is a fantastic resource for cheap recipes and moneysaving ideas.


If you work together on this you can help each other through the journey.

It won't be easy but actually by facing the issue head on as a couple will make you both stronger.


Oh I also suggest that you both cut up the cards that you have and save have only the one account, that way you can keep track of the money coming in and out.


Maybe show your wife this site, it's full of inspirational ideas and suggestions.

Finally Running, you are not alone, and this can be dealt with.

Good luck and keep us posted on how your getting on.

angelavdavis

Runningtostandstill wrote: »

Hi and thanks for ll the replies.

Had a chat tonight before we started argueing (yes, I know it doesn't help) and it seems she has been just sticking everything on cards for 10 years, taking loans out and then spending again. She has always been the type to say you must have as everyone else has type of person - if you see what I mean. Only this week she was calling me mean for not going to Disney Paris and then we had a delivery from Next for £90 - the day before telling me. regarding the food we throw loads away - its a big moan. She will not eat anything within 2 says of the sell buy date but always buys the 2 for 1 deals when we never get to eat the free item! Nothing is ever 2 for 1 - she is an advertisers dream - if it says 50% cheaper is must be a bargain - buy it wether we need it or not!

I am afraid, this is typical of a consolidator - to spread out the debt by taking out loans, and then build up the cards again. There are plenty of us who have lived like this! I really think that your wife needs to work on paying the debts off the hard way - like many of us have had to do, to value freedom from debt when it comes. It doesn't mean you can't help her out or support her when she is down, but she has the means to pay off her debts so she should take ownership of this.

I suggest your wife:

-Cuts up any credit cards and store in an envelope each (leave one card frozen in a bag of water in the freezer for emergencies only - although with your salary, this shouldn't be needed).
-If any ccs are cleared, cancel them and get a copy of her credit report to ascertain what the situation is with regard to the debts.
-Throw out the catalogues - you pay through the nose for stuff most of the time. They appeal to people's need to buy stuff. What arrived from Next? Was it REALLY necessary? Return it and dig out anything you can to sell.

Runningtostandstill wrote: »

I will get a list of all the debts. She says that she has spoken to a few of the companies and they all suggested re-mortgaging - as they would as they don't want her stop paying!

Well that's good of them! Of course, that is the only reason they have requested this - and turn it into secured debt too! As previously mentioned, you can enter the debts into the snowball calculator (link previously posted) and enter the amounts your wife has to service the debt and it will guide her through the order they need to be paid off. Switching the debts to 0% or low life of balance will keep the interest to a minimum (although watch for admin fees).

Runningtostandstill wrote: »

I had a bit of good news in that I am be promoted from tomorrow which is another £1500 per year and another £1500 in 6 months so some good news.

Congratulations on promotion.