Multi Disciplinary Meeting for elderly

hostertlady

can anyone offer any advice please...I am desperate for help and advice..

Basically my mum(87) is in hospital after fracturing her hip, she has had an operation and is recuperating..
Now, unfortunately she cannot return home to where she lived before as she is getting more and more frail, she lived in a room attached to my sisters house but my sister is having chemo at the moment and at times has been very ill.. mum has fallen a few times and my sister hasn't been able to move her ( sister has lost so much weight and is quite frail at the moment)

As a family we have decided that mum cant return back to my sisters house....
its heart breaking and its all I think about at the moment!
I have explained all this to the hospital, occy health etc.. hence the MDT meeting where we discuss what's going to happen to mum one she is discharged from hospital.
the thing is she hasn't got dementia, she isn't incontinent, but she is frail....
mum is in denial that she needs help( a lot of elderly people deny the fact they cant cope)..

I just wanted to chat really, I have been awake most of the night again.....
I have no idea about the MDt, I am supposed to be allocated a social worker but I haven't yet....
my heart breaks for my mum but also my sister as she feels so guilty that mum cant go back to hers,,:(
the ward has said that she will have to go into residential and all this will be talked about at the meeting..

any hints or tips as how I can persuade mum this is the best thing for her? she also told me that they arn't having her money! she says she has worked hard for it! she is also receiving an army widows pension...
( she has some money her brother left her when he died, she has not spent a penny of it! bless her she felt guilty as she hadn't seen her brother for years..but now obviously she will be penalised for having savings wont she? such a shame...)

missile

I can't offer any help or advice, but do offer my best wishes.


Have you considered employing a full time carer? This may work out better and cheaper than a care home.

hostertlady

missile wrote: »

I can't offer any help or advice, but do offer my best wishes.


Have you considered employing a full time carer? This may work out better and cheaper than a care home.

hiya and thanks for the response, but mum cant go back to my sister's house, as ultimately it would still be down to my sister to care for mum no matter how many visits she gets from the carers each day...
when she is at her worst, she doesn't come downstairs for a few days... during that time mum could have fallen over and have been on the floor for hours and hours...
its so sad really...

Alfrescodave

We've been in exactly the same position as you when my Dad (92 years young) was admitted to hospital and basically could no longer look after himself.
We received fantastic help and advice from a wonderful social worker (and others later) and persuaded him to temporarily move into respite care at a care home. At first he wasn't happy with this but gradually over the period of a few weeks he came round to accepting that this was the best way forward for EVERYONE.


You have to be strong and follow what your head tells you not your heart - not an easy matter.


Dad has now moved into a permanent care home and though he misses his own home is content with his "new " surroundings.

hostertlady

Alfrescodave wrote: »

We've been in exactly the same position as you when my Dad (92 years young) was admitted to hospital and basically could no longer look after himself.
We received fantastic help and advice from a wonderful social worker (and others later) and persuaded him to temporarily move into respite care at a care home. At first he wasn't happy with this but gradually over the period of a few weeks he came round to accepting that this was the best way forward for EVERYONE.


You have to be strong and follow what your head tells you not your heart - not an easy matter.


Dad has now moved into a permanent care home and though he misses his own home is content with his "new " surroundings.

totally understandable! its difficult being a child of an elderly parent isn't it?.
x

Alfrescodave

Being an ONLY child of an elderly person and living 4 hours drive away is extremely difficult at times. However my wife has been extremely supportive - I hope you have a similar person that you can discuss your options with.
On a practical side; the social worker(s) are there to help you but don't be pressured into accepting any care home without first checking it out yourself. Also on a monetary point of view, if you haven't already done so then you should consider getting Power of Attorney. It might not be necessary today but most likely in the future.
You will have difficult decisions to make but if your conscience tells you that you made them for the right reason then any criticism you get (and you will get some) you should ignore.


If you have further questions then you can always PM me

Savvy_Sue

I would go with the 'temporary move into residential care to give you a chance to rehabilitate properly and sister a chance to recover' line.

hostertlady

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I would go with the 'temporary move into residential care to give you a chance to rehabilitate properly and sister a chance to recover' line.

They were great at the meeting, mum was adamant she would not go into a care home! But the social worker, ward sister etc were great and put forward some great ideas and support.. The result is that mum would be discharged from hospital to a temporary 'drop down' bed in a residential home ( once they have e.mailed the names of the available ones and I have visited)
In the meantime they will sort out sheltered/warden controlled type with care package, this could take a while but if she likes the temporary place she will have the option of staying there instead.
No talk of funding yet tho! I take it that will come in a few weeks?

Alfrescodave

Great news - it always helps when you have good support available.


When my dad moved into the temporary care home he was entitled to 12 weeks FREE accommodation which in fact became 16 weeks with no charge. I guess this depends upon the local authority guidelines

Savvy_Sue

Actually, the other thing to ask about is rehabilitation, proper rehab not just a few weeks of not going home, which would give Mum a chance to recover as much mobility as possible, and also work on regaining skills like making a cup of tea. It might help on several levels, including getting Mum as fit as possible and maybe less prone to falls, AND either helping her realise that she CAN'T cope at home, OR demonstrating to everyone that she could, perhaps, do so.

But also be aware that all of you may need to be quite firm about it not being possible to go home, for your sister's sake as much as for her own.

Mojisola

hostertlady wrote: »

but now obviously she will be penalised for having savings wont she?

No, she won't be penalised but she will have the choice of which home she wants to go into.