worried about my brother

bigbro00

Ive started a new account because a family friend visits this forum and know what my other username is and id rather them not know about this.
Im starting to get seriously worried about my 18 year old brother. Over the past month or two he has been acting really weird and i dont know why.
He was always the type who was obsessed with being clean, 3 showers a day and all his clothes had to go through two wash cycles before he wore them, Nothing in his bedroom would be allowed to be out of place, everything spotless, everything had a place and it had to be there, Nothing could be messy, CDs were kept in alphabetical order and he would clean the carpet every week. He was obsessed with time too, had to be 15 minutes early for literally everything, even the bus to college. Has always done well at school and college and has never had issues socially, hes got alot of good friends and gets along with everybody. But this has been the norm since he was about 12. Until around two months ago, he started to let go a bit. Hes stopped having his 3 showers a day, hell now have one, every other day, he will wear the same clothes for 2 days and his room is a absolute tip. Hes started being late for everything, thats if he even goes at all and hes deleted his facebook, twitter and other social media accounts aswell as turned his phone off and leaves it at home. Thats worrying me but theres something else thats seriously worrying me too and i dont know what to do...
Three days ago i noticed all of his fingers were bleeding, He had scratched at each of its finger until the skin came off and it bled, and he had done it to every one of them including his thumbs. I confronted him and he tried to act as if he didnt know what i was talking about. We got into a argument and when he tried to storm off i grabbed his jacket and that came off... hes been scratching at his arms too. Every cm or so up each arm there is a mark where he has scratched it, took the skin off and let it bleed, all the way from his wrists up to his shoulder. and thats on both arms.
Mum obviously doesnt know about it and i dont live at home so i cant monitor him 24/7. even when i asked about the arms and why he was doing it he still denied it all. I tried to tell him he could talk to me if there was anything wrong but he wont.
I dont know what to do.

AnnieO1234

Find the number for your local emergency mental health team and ask for advice. Your brothers behaviour both before and now seems to be "extreme". Various online mental health charities will be able to signpost you in the right direction too xxx

piglet25

Good advice - do it now xx

Gigglepig

I'm not an expert but to me it sounds like your brother perhaps had mental health issues the whole time and is now going through a crisis with more serious mental health issues. I would be really worried too, I hope he can get ome help soon.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

And tell your mum.

bigbro00

I haven't played with profile settings or pics etc, that's how it was when I signed up with this account.
I have another account on here ive used to post a few times but didn't want to use that as a family friend visits the forum and knows my other username.


we didn't think he had big issues before, just thought he was a little weird but didn't think it was a big problem as in almost every other way he was normal.


trying to find number now,
thankyou.

meritaten

I would be extremely worried too. to me this sounds as if his apparently harmless cleanliness obsession has morphed into 'self-harming'. He needs help.
can you think of anything traumatic which happened around the time of the 'change'? because I believe something must have.
in the meantime, can you sit down calmly with him and tell him how worried you are? how the thought of him hurting hurts you? and persuade him to see his GP? Not being judgemental or disapproving or trying to get him to see the error of his ways. He needs professional help in my opinion. and that is so slow to access, the sooner he asks for it the better.
for yourself - try the internet for advice about supporting people who self-harm and have suffered from OCD.
Has he had any help for the cleanliness OCD in the past?

ecgirl07

JoBatch80 wrote: »

I really hope I'm wrong about this but I've noticed that the user profile pic and that of another new user in the sexless marriage thread is the same.

New users get assigned a limited stock profile pic. Theres a union jackish one and this rock in water one and a few others.

Cherry24

Skin picking is a common compulsion for people with OCD. People's obsessions /themes can change over time (mine certainly have). I'm assuming he was never treated for his contamination OCD. I'd suggest visiting the OCD UK website. They have advice for family members, forums and advice on GP's / therapists.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

meritaten wrote: »

I would be extremely worried too. to me this sounds as if his apparently harmless cleanliness obsession has morphed into 'self-harming'. He needs help.
can you think of anything traumatic which happened around the time of the 'change'? because I believe something must have.
in the meantime, can you sit down calmly with him and tell him how worried you are? how the thought of him hurting hurts you? and persuade him to see his GP? Not being judgemental or disapproving or trying to get him to see the error of his ways. He needs professional help in my opinion. and that is so slow to access, the sooner he asks for it the better.
for yourself - try the internet for advice about supporting people who self-harm and have suffered from OCD.
Has he had any help for the cleanliness OCD in the past?

I'd say something like 'I can see you're not happy, and I'm sad and worried that you feel you need to do this', rather than saying it hurts anyone else. Otherwise you could get the response a) don't say it hurts you, because it's not your arms or b) he feels guilty about it and it escalates (or he cuts/scratches/burns areas you can't see, like legs, back and torso - or shuts you out completely).

All you want to do is help, but it's a coping mechanism for how he feels right now - if he feels confronted or attacked, which saying he's hurting you could feel like, it could intensify his anxiety and depression.

He needs help, definitely, he may be being bullied, it may be school pressure, it may be a worsening of any preexisting issues - but it has to be gentle whilst stressing that you aren't trying to take away his release, you want him to feel calmer and happier, as it only works for a short time, or he wouldn't need to do it again and again - and one way of achieving that is to tell people that have experience of helping people who use the same methods he does.


In the intervening period, making sure that items with a high potential for harm is important - scalpels and craft knives and all paracetamol/cold remedies must be locked away. It's not necessarily possible to get rid/lock up of everything, because something will be found, but the most dangerous things have to be out of the way.

If he could do other things that are less harmful, like having a board to draw/write on (that he can wipe clean when finished), washable felt tips he could use to draw on his arms, a black hair band he could ping against his wrist, even eating a raw chilli, that could act as a diversion long enough for his anxiety to diminish at least some of the time whilst waiting for a CAMHS referral.

Your mum also needs to contact the school, as they can also help him access support.


There is lots of help out there, but he can't access any of it if you keep this secret.


I've way too much experience of the subject. I really wish I didn't. But I do.

bigbro00

weve never tried to get him any help because other than his cleaning and time keeping obsessions he always seemed fairly normal, liked to play footy, has loads of mates, used to go out regularly, has a fairly long term relationship (since he was 14) we just thought that he was a little weird if anything and because we didn't think it was causing any harm and weve never seen any evidence of self harm, we just left him to it.


I don't live at home anymore and haven't done for almost three years now but he came over every other weekend as I mentioned before and I never saw many changes in his behaviour etc. but because I live away from mums and I now work days and mum works nights it has been difficult for us to communicate of late and I cant do anything other than try tell mum when she is at home or try get help from docs etc? Im not there enough to be able to take certain things away.. the only way that would be possible was if I moved him in with me and I don't think that would be a good thing to do.


I could try to talk to his college and see if they can help in anyway but hes rarely going in now.


looking back at when he was around 12 the only thing I can think of traumatic experiences is when our dog got stolen from the back garden but she got returned two weeks later so im not sure if that's the cause?


the only real change in the past two months to anything is the fact his girlfriend of four years moved closer to mums and the fact she now goes to the same college as him, could this have somehow upset him or triggered something do you think?