Feeling Bashed

cakeforbrains

deleted sorry

rockm87

Ignore them.

...there always one!

cakeforbrains

Thanks Rockm87.

I just also want to point out that we've been lucky enough to always be in a position to service our debts in a 'mainstream' way. We've always made at least the minimum payments, never defaulted, and always paid our household bills too. I am quite proud of us for this, but realise that for some people it's just not an option.

lisa110rry

I feel for you, cfb. You don't say how old you are, but I'm guessing quite young? It seems a great shame to me that instead of supporting your journey to clear your debt, a family member is still castigating you for past mistakes which you have now "owned" and are working on.

Puzzcat

Sounds like a lovely relative..! I would refrain from conversations and just keep paying as much as you can. At the end of the day if you'd had to do something like a dmp, like I am, the relative debt is not considered as important as the creditor style debts so they would have been further down the line for repayment... and fancy charging interest.. I hope it was nominal...!

Brightspark87

cakeforbrains wrote: »

Thanks Lisa. No, not young - mid-thirties with three children.

Part of the problem is that the family member is insisting we quadruple our payments to him to pay the interest we owe on what he loaned us (now repaid). After several nasty text messages from him I called him and told him that it's simply not sensible for us to pay more at the moment. Then he got cross because I couldn't/wouldn't tell him exactly when we'd be debt free.

Incidentally, he has thousands in the bank and no significant outgoings of his own as a single man lodging with a pensioner.

This is very sad and I am sorry to hear it, as stressful as it is you need this person repaid and you need to get rid of this situation ASAP

ReadingTim

I suspect the real reason is that he's annoyed is that (in his eyes) you have placed a lower priority on repaying him all the money (capital + interest) you owe him than your other creditors - you yourself say

We've now repaid everything we owe him apart from interest, which we are paying at a lower monthly rate so that we can concentrate on our other debts

- it seems like he's helped you out, and you're taking the p!ss in return because he's less likely to repossess your house or get a CCJ awarded against you.

I appreciate that in your eyes this makes sense, but suggest that you should at least treat this debt with as much priority as the others, so at least you can say he's getting paid back as quickly as everyone else; if not concentrate on clearing it first - the stress and strain clearly isn't worth it!

Karen777

he sounds like a bully. do you have to see him? can you block his number and just continue to pay what you can to him?

Karen777

is there any chance it is her sending the texts on his phone? sounds strange that he changes in his attitude so much. I guess if you can't afford to pay him off then you have to talk to him. I can't see any other way through. If you were happy to end the relationship with him then you could just ignore him but doesn't sound like you want to do that... I'm sorry it sounds like a really difficult situation.

northerner999

When you say not sensible to pay him, do you mean this would prevent you making your minimum payments or that financlally you are better off paying debts that are at higher interest rates?

If the latter, then I would consider minimum payments on your other debts and pay him back as quickly as you can - especially if you wish to have a relationship with him when the debt is repaid. Presumably you have no great desire to maintain a relationship with others you owe money to.

Silian

Hi cake.

Before I got into debt I couldn't understand how (stupid people have to be) to get into debt.

Same with every other "problem " I have had in my life. Couldn't believe how people could be stupid enough to smoke, then became a smoker. Same with alcohol.

Point is that you can't understand how easy it is to fall into a trap until you fall into that same trap.

You know that you are doing well (and well done for that!) . Do what you can to get your family member off your back and be there for them when they fall into the same traps. We were all naive once.