joint finances and irresponsible partner

rp2007

Hi


My partner and I have lived together for 6 years and have 2 little boys and a baby on the way. Our finances are fully joint, we have 1 main bank account and a few other extra accounts. My partner works full time and has a good wage.
The problem is that I manage all the bills and finances for our household even though its my partners wage (this is my partners choice) but he is very irresponsible with money, he will go to work and waste money on cigarettes, takeaways (he works nights), just general rubbish from petrol stations and can sometimes spend up to £50 over 4/5 nights of work. As I manage the money I will tell him we cant afford this sort of money being wasted but I feel it falls on deaf ears.


How do I deal with a situation like this? we have debt that needs paying off, a 3rd baby that we need to buy things for and hopefully a move to a larger house. our finances are pretty stretched as it is without money being wasted.


p.s. he has always been compulsive with money and comes from a family in which they have quite a bit debt, bankruptcy in the past and gambling problems.


Any advice would be greatly appreciated. x

sulphate

I'm assuming your partner is the only earner. I think it's very difficult for you to be managing the money when you are not earning. He probably at least partially feels like it's "his" money and he should be able to spend it how he wishes.

I would suggest doing something similar to a statement of affairs/putting your household budget into a spreadsheet etc so he can clearly see how much money is spent on things like the mortgage/rent, bills, debt payment, food etc. After that you both should have a budget for luxury items/treats etc which his junk food habit should come out of that - but it should be the same for both of you. Don't try to set it at £0, it won't work. Try to save the rest of the money for your future house purchase and any items your new baby needs.

Personally, I know that one big joint account wouldn't work for me and my husband. What happens with our wages is that we both put what we need in our joint account for bills etc, have x amount to spend on ourselves, and anything left goes into our savings account. The x amount we have for ourselves stays in our personal accounts, we don't use the joint account for personal purchases unless we both agree. It's much easier for both of us to budget our money this way.

princeofpounds

You post isn't entirely clear on what the problem is. How co-operative or not is he? Is it just a case of not thinking/listening or something more?

The 'easy' answer is to agree a budget, put his wages into a central account he can't access with a debit card, and then pay out of this at the agreed rate into a current account he can access as he likes.

But if it's a situation where you see a problem and he doesn't then it's likely to be much more about psychology and values...

rp2007

Thank you for replying.


I do work a casual job working 1 or 2 days a week in between school hours so I don't earn much but I put the money straight into a separate account that has paid for xmas and paying some debt off- we try to keep it separate so it doesn't get confused with the household bills but I will be giving the job up in a few months as I get towards my due date.


When I work in the future I would definitely manage money the way you do, but for now as it my partners income that pays for all the household bills etc everything is all in one account.

rp2007

oh sorry, when we talk about our finances he understands what I have to say and I think he wants to be co-operative but then I think when he leaves the house and goes to work he just doesn't think about what he's spending and what is available in the bank etc. He is also a bit of an emotional spender(if that's correct to say) so if he goes to work stressed etc he is more likely to spend.


thank you for suggestion, I will talk to him about doing that. x

kazwookie

Where is he getting the money from? ATM machines?

If is is willing to help sort out the debt, change the pin number and give him £20 or whatever spending allowance for cigs, sweets etc. Harsh I know, as he has earnt the money.

Make sure you send him to work with food for his night shift, does he have access to a microwave? if so when you are cooking make a couple of extra portions and pack them for him.

Most of all talk to him.

Ozzuk

You both 'earn' the wage coming in IMO, sure he goes out to 'work' but equally I doubt your day is all tv-watching

Draw up a budget, agree a monthly amount you can both spend without question this takes bad feeling away from both of you.

rach_k

Why don't you both open a personal account and when you get paid, put whatever you think is reasonable into them? You can spend that on whatever you want with no questions asked. If he runs out, he runs out! If he's reluctant to have you telling him what he can spend, you can raise the idea as something that will help you know what you can spend and you think it's only fair that he has a separate pot too.

Pollycat

rp2007 wrote: »

he is very irresponsible with money, he will go to work and waste money on cigarettes, takeaways (he works nights), just general rubbish from petrol stations and can sometimes spend up to £50 over 4/5 nights of work. As I manage the money I will tell him we cant afford this sort of money being wasted but I feel it falls on deaf ears.

Really good advice about cutting down on spending here:

kazwookie wrote: »

Make sure you send him to work with food for his night shift, does he have access to a microwave? if so when you are cooking make a couple of extra portions and pack them for him.

Now you've found MSE why not take a look at the DebtFreeWannabe board.

Lots of really good people on there who will offer you excellent advice on dealing with your debt.