Help as an attorney, please

Mav6215

Hi all,

Please accept my apologies for the length of this post but I'm looking for a little advice in a difficult situation...

My mother (mid 80's) lives with other family members and my father died four years ago. She is wheelchair-bound due to severe osteoarthritis.

I have both LPAs for my mother registered with OPG - this was done a couple of years ago. Her memory is failing quite rapidly but she appears lucid a lot of the time. I manage her financial affairs for her using the financial LPA as she has lost the ability to keep on top of them getting red letters due to unpaid bills, etc. I have online access to all her accounts.

Up to last year she was quite frugal but then I noticed her spending habits seemed to change and she started drawing out larger amounts on a weekly basis. I have spoke to her on several occasions and she can never remember where the money has gone. Certainly not on the weekly food bill as she uses her credit card for that. Last summer out of an average of £300 a week she could only account for less than a quarter of it each time. The amounts getting withdrawn from her building society have now risen to £500/£600 a week. She is taken to the bank/shopping by the boyfriend of a family member once a week. Looking at her regular outgoings and the cash she withdraws her savings will all but be gone within the next couple of years. Further talks with my mother have resulted in her telling me not to mention to other family members in case it causes more hassles for her! She never explains what these hassles may be.

It's her money and she is free to spend it as she so wishes and I wouldn't want to interfere with that but she can never account for where most of it has gone and no receipts in her purse either apart from may £30/£50 from Boots and her supermarket bill paid by credit card.

I have spoke to the OPG who said I now must take more control of her finances and inform the banks that she can no longer make withdrawals herself and that I should agree a reasonable figure to withdraw for her to spend. None of the banks are willing to do this without medical evidence that she has lost capacity. She has been seen by two GPs who asked several questions, agreed that she has memory issues and suggested she has a formal assessment but she has refused and that refusal is seen as she has full capacity even though minutes later she has totally forgotten she has spoken to them.

I told this to the OPG who suggested I speak to Adult Social Services - which I have done. I have other issues about her treatment and welfare which I have disclosed but it seems there is nothing they can do presently unless my mother is assessed as lacking capacity - apparently safe-guarding isn't necessary. I told SS I am looking for support and help in making the right decisions in the best interest of my mother but that, as her son, forcing the issue to have her assessed as lacking capacity is not easy to do although necessary.

I feel that I'm between a rock and a hard place and am unsure how best to proceed and am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and how they dealt with it?

Again, apologies for the lengthy first post and I hope I have submitted it in the right place.

cavework

Who does your Mother live with?
Is it her own home?
I assume it is as you mention unpaid bills in the past

FBaby

As above, do you not trust the people she lives with? Can't you talk to them? If you are suspecting of deceit/poor treatment, then you might need to take a closer look at the dynamics of the household to gather any kind of evidence. Very difficult situation sadly.

Mav6215

Thanks for the replies.

It's her own home.

She lives with my brother and sister-in-law although he declares he rules the roost. He is unapproachable and has even stopped my daughter from visiting her nan when he is there after an argument she had with the SiL. I have tried to talk with my SiL but I do not trust her especially has she has lied recently about visits my mother had with her GP as well as other things - good liars need good memories! Thankfully I was given permission some time ago to have full disclosure from the GP about my mother.

With that amount of money being withdrawn regularly I have my suspicions but no proof. I have turned up at the bank unannounced when she is there to observe but haven't seen anything suspicious. Then again any handing over of money could be done later.

I am waiting for the referral section of SS to get back to me to arrange a meeting between them and my mother without anyone else there so they can try to get a better understanding of my mother's capacity and maybe make further recommendations to her and her GP. She is nervous of strangers so the whole thing needs to be tackled delicately and with compassion.

I have a duty as a son and as her attorney to ensure I act in her best interests but feel that I am constantly hitting a brick wall hence my asking here for any suggestions/advice on the best way to proceed.

cavework

Does your brother share the LPA?
I think I am right that there can be more than one person named?
If this is the case you both share a legal duty to act in her best interest
Also if he is not named I am sure he and any other siblings should have been informed before it was granted to you only?

Mav6215

My mother's wish was that I would be the sole attorney.

Edit: Forgot to mention that there is no requirement for siblings or any other family member to be informed. The only people who get informed are those named on the form by the donor.

cavework

Mav6215 wrote: »

My mother's wish was that I would be the sole attorney.

Edit: Forgot to mention that there is no requirement for siblings or any other family member to be informed. The only people who get informed are those named on the form by the donor.

That's true but your Mum lives with your brothers family so they know you are sole advocate should she lose mental capacity?. Are any of them registered carers for your Mum ?
You say she is in a wheelchair..
I am just trying to get a clearer picture of the situation your poor Mum is finding herself in

mgdavid

You say you have control of her finances, and manage them online. So why not shift the money around and ensure there is just enough in the card account to allow withdrawal of £300 cash per week, as that was enough (patently more than enough) a short time ago. Also ensure there are no overdraft facilities on the card account.
Longer term, has she made a will?

FBaby

It's her own home.

So what is the arrangement? Does your brother and SIL pay your mum anything towards the accomodation and bills if she pays them all?

Taking £500 a week at this age is a lot of money, especially if all bills are paid by DD. Surely you should be able to raise this with your brother and living with her, she should be able to reassure you. If he gets all defensive about it, telling you it is none of your business, then maybe that's the first evidence of something not right. Or really the second as why would your mother have asked you to be her sole attorney as the most logical choice would have been a family member who share the same household?

Mav6215

cavework wrote: »

That's true but your Mum lives with your brothers family so they know you are sole advocate should she lose mental capacity? Are any of them registered carers for your Mum ?

No and my SiL is carer but, apparently, she gets someone else in to do a fair bit of work for which my mother pays. As yet I have no proof, though.

mgdavid wrote: »

So why not shift the money around and ensure there is just enough in the card account to allow withdrawal of £300 cash per week

That seems a sensible suggestion. I'll need to have a chat with my mother about it but it could be workable.

Yes, she does have a will.

RAS

Do you have a copy of the will, or know where it is?

Have you spoken to elderabuse http://www.elderabuse.org.uk/?