Advice

Just starting to get started on divorce/seperation from my wife due to lots of issues with her drinking. I have two children both primary school age. At the moment I am in the house with the kids and she is at her mothers. I have been to the building society and sorted out that I can afford to remortgage the house to buy her out.

Has anybody been in a similer situation, just wondered if anyone could give any thoughts on anything I may not of thought about that I need to consider before everything gets official.

I am in full time employment and have help from my parents to help out with the kids and school pick ups which isnt ideal but at least the kids are being looked after. I havent set any rules for my wife regarding seeing the kids other than she doesnt drink while she sees them. I am dropping them off at the moment to her mothers saturday and picking them up sunday and she has the odd day in the week that she comes here to see them.

I am proposing to remortgage give her half of the profits in the the house and then pay child support based on whatever the CSA calculator comes up with or what we agree between ourselves.
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Comments

  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    theend? wrote: »
    Just starting to get started on divorce/seperation from my wife due to lots of issues with her drinking. I have two children both primary school age. At the moment I am in the house with the kids and she is at her mothers. I have been to the building society and sorted out that I can afford to remortgage the house to buy her out.

    Has anybody been in a similer situation, just wondered if anyone could give any thoughts on anything I may not of thought about that I need to consider before everything gets official.

    I am in full time employment and have help from my parents to help out with the kids and school pick ups which isnt ideal but at least the kids are being looked after. I havent set any rules for my wife regarding seeing the kids other than she doesnt drink while she sees them. I am dropping them off at the moment to her mothers saturday and picking them up sunday and she has the odd day in the week that she comes here to see them.

    I am proposing to remortgage give her half of the profits in the the house and then pay child support based on whatever the CSA calculator comes up with or what we agree between ourselves.

    If they live with you, why would you be paying child support??
  • theend?
    theend? Posts: 67 Forumite
    the plan is they would stay with her at her mums at the weekend so looking at the CSA calculator as she doesnt work I pay for when they are there.
  • Guest101
    Guest101 Posts: 15,764 Forumite
    theend? wrote: »
    the plan is they would stay with her at her mums at the weekend so looking at the CSA calculator as she doesnt work I pay for when they are there.

    No she pays you.

    You hae them 5 days / 7 she has 2/7

    She pays you. dont be fooled.
  • theend?
    theend? Posts: 67 Forumite
    If she isnt working she cant pay as she has no income?
  • If she is claiming benefits you may still get a nominal amount towards the cost of bringing up your children maintenance payments are split in relation to where the children stay 5/7 nights 2/7 nights seek advice.
    EF #40 £250/£1000 Sep PAD 26/30 £700/£700😀 Oct PAD 1/31 £300/£500
    Debt free date Dec 2016
  • Yes, you shouldn't be paying her to look after them for 2/7 while you are looking after them 5/7. She may not be earning but she should get benefits of some kind. You could I suppose give her a little bit of money to pay for food.., but remember, if she was on income support, the benefits you get when you have children aren't enough to support them so she'd be using 'her' money for them anyway.

    Remember any money you give her, is probably going to help support her drinking. Unless she's completely stopped, probably not - but you know better than we do.

    Personally, I'd be looking at supervised visits until she's been dry for a specified time and can prove consistent attendance at a recovery centre or programme. This doesn't necessarily mean supervised by her parents.., only you know if they can be trusted to assess her ability to care for the children.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,544
    Name Dropper First Post First Anniversary
    Forumite
    theend? wrote: »
    Just starting to get started on divorce/seperation from my wife due to lots of issues with her drinking.

    I have two children both primary school age. At the moment I am in the house with the kids and she is at her mothers. I have been to the building society and sorted out that I can afford to remortgage the house to buy her out.

    I am proposing to remortgage give her half of the profits in the the house and then pay child support based on whatever the CSA calculator comes up with or what we agree between ourselves.

    As you are going to be the 'parent with care', make sure you get the child benefits changed to your name and check out whether you are entitled to any other related benefits.

    As the others have said, there is no requirement to pay the 'non resident parent' any child maintenance.

    You are also being very generous in handing over money from the house. It's quite normal for the house to be kept on by the PWC while the NRP has to wait until the youngest child is 18 before the house is sold and the money divided up.

    If you want to get the finances sorted out now, get the divorce and the financial break done soon so that she can't come back later on wanting more money from you. Addicts don't think rationally and do cause a lot of problems because their minds are fixed on getting money for their drug of choice.
  • theend? wrote: »
    Just starting to get started on divorce/seperation from my wife due to lots of issues with her drinking. I have two children both primary school age. At the moment I am in the house with the kids and she is at her mothers. I have been to the building society and sorted out that I can afford to remortgage the house to buy her out.

    Has anybody been in a similer situation, just wondered if anyone could give any thoughts on anything I may not of thought about that I need to consider before everything gets official.

    I am in full time employment and have help from my parents to help out with the kids and school pick ups which isnt ideal but at least the kids are being looked after. I havent set any rules for my wife regarding seeing the kids other than she doesnt drink while she sees them. I am dropping them off at the moment to her mothers saturday and picking them up sunday and she has the odd day in the week that she comes here to see them.

    I am proposing to remortgage give her half of the profits in the the house and then pay child support based on whatever the CSA calculator comes up with or what we agree between ourselves.


    This is assuming the kids stay with you?
    They might live with their mum/grandma instead so you should consider alternatives too.
  • theend? wrote: »
    Just starting to get started on divorce/seperation from my wife due to lots of issues with her drinking. I have two children both primary school age. At the moment I am in the house with the kids and she is at her mothers. I have been to the building society and sorted out that I can afford to remortgage the house to buy her out.

    Has anybody been in a similer situation, just wondered if anyone could give any thoughts on anything I may not of thought about that I need to consider before everything gets official.

    I am in full time employment and have help from my parents to help out with the kids and school pick ups which isnt ideal but at least the kids are being looked after. I havent set any rules for my wife regarding seeing the kids other than she doesnt drink while she sees them. I am dropping them off at the moment to her mothers saturday and picking them up sunday and she has the odd day in the week that she comes here to see them.

    I am proposing to remortgage give her half of the profits in the the house and then pay child support based on whatever the CSA calculator comes up with or what we agree between ourselves.

    Hi buddy

    I am in a very similar situation to you. My wife has is an alcoholic and has been in and out of rehab over the last 3/4 years. I have stood by her and all the grief and distress she has caused myself and our children. About 3/4 months ago she went away for 6 weeks for specialised rehabilitation at a cost of around £400 which I had to borrow from my parents as couldnt afford it. She came out and regularly attended these day centres to help her recovery. I had to adjust my hours at work and told a few white lies to my boss to say why I couldnt do my normal hours. Then a week before Christmas she tells me she no longer loves me and has been seeing another bloke from this new rehab centre! I kicked her out but I am now left with trying to work and look after my 3 kids. My parents are assisting with child care and they have been brilliant but she wants to come round and see them all the time but I just dont want her around at all.

    Fortunately, in this instance I am not a house owner as am privately renting so have changed everything over into my name. Child Benefit, Tax Credits etc but am still awaiting and payment from them while they sort it. A bloody nightmare mate.

    I totally understand what you have been living with and although I can not offer you any real advice I truely hope it works out for you. I am in the beginning of trying to turn my life around now have been to the CAB who helped me a lot (saw a specialised family solicitor there).

    Chin up mate and hope it works out for you
  • theend?
    theend? Posts: 67 Forumite
    Bit of a change of circumstances now, will be calling the solicitor to book in the morning.
    Plan was as previously but out of the blue a couple of weeks ago she let me know she is now seeing someone else and has moved out of her mothers and into his.
    It was arranged for her to go to her mothers Easter Sunday to spend the Sunday/Monday with the kids but she was a no show.
    She has said that she left it too late to get to her mothers, more likely she was in the pub with her new guy.
    The plan was I was remortgaging which is in process of going through as I just wanted the house side sorting out so she didn't have a claim on staying at the house, I had left the child benefit money with her and was also paying her £30 a week when the kids stayed Friday/Saturday.
    I have already filled out the child benefit forms and will post them out tomorrow to put it in my name, the mortgage I am going to put on hold until I have had a meeting with my solicitor.
    What I don't understand is I am being told on here that I shouldn't be paying her child maintenance as the children are with me but the online calculator shows that I should be giving her £40 a week, I will ask my solicitor but any thoughts?
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