Urgent Advice Needed please in relation to a dying mum

Savvy_Sue

It won't be enough to write this in a will, you can't bequeath your children in the same way that you can your house, BUT you can appoint guardians, and if the father does NOT have PR then the friend's sister has a chance of Social Services saying 'great, that's fine'.

If the mum has assets, eg a house, then she might very well want to leave that to her daughter. It would have to be in trust until the child is 18, and a will allows Mum to appoint the trustees. You need good legal advice for this bit, do you want daughter to be brought up in that house, or have it sold and the proceeds used to support her, or what?

As for access, the view of the law is that CHILDREN have a right to know both parents. So unless there is actual evidence of abuse / violence, the child should be seeing Dad, even if she doesn't live with him.

If there's any history of abuse or violence before this happened, that's going to have to be dredged up. It's not going to be pretty.

FBaby

Unfortunately, it is as GingerNutty said, if he has parental responsibility which is much probable, custody will automatically go to the dad and there is nothing much yout friend's mum and sister will be able to do about it unless they can evidence that the child is in danger with him. The issue is how this is communicated with your friend if she is very anxious at the prospect of it.

Rambosmum

Re PR - if his name is on the birth certificate and the child was born after 2005 then he automatically has PR.

Ms_Chocaholic

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

It won't be enough to write this in a will, you can't bequeath your children in the same way that you can your house, BUT you can appoint guardians, and if the father does NOT have PR then the friend's sister has a chance of Social Services saying 'great, that's fine'.

If the mum has assets, eg a house, then she might very well want to leave that to her daughter. It would have to be in trust until the child is 18, and a will allows Mum to appoint the trustees. You need good legal advice for this bit, do you want daughter to be brought up in that house, or have it sold and the proceeds used to support her, or what?

As for access, the view of the law is that CHILDREN have a right to know both parents. So unless there is actual evidence of abuse / violence, the child should be seeing Dad, even if she doesn't live with him.

If there's any history of abuse or violence before this happened, that's going to have to be dredged up. It's not going to be pretty.

Social Services won't get involved in this as it's a private arrangement and will only be involved if someone reports risk/harm to the child.

Danniella

Just a quick update in relation to this, father rang social services last Friday as he told them the child was removed from school (in fact the mother and family kept the little girl off school that day since she was too upset to go).

Police have attended mothers address this morning with 2 police officers and removed little girl (little girl kicking and screaming saying she didnt want to go - police said father had had an emergency order given in his favour because her mother is dying and she cannot look after her! Mother still has mental capacity (doctor is willing to write a letter to confirm this) - what an awful situation. Father is on social media stating they will never see her again!

sallysaver

I can't tell you how upset I am to read your latest post. That poor little girl must have been terrified and what her mum is going through, there are no words to express. I am so very very sorry for all concerned.

Lily-Rose_3

As someone said earlier, the birth father will most likely automatically have parental rights, regardless of who his girlfriend is.

I am sorry for the dying lady's dilemma, but I am concerned that this story is being posted on here, as it's quite information specific.

Does the dying lady know that you're posting this here?

If someone who knows them is reading this, they will most likely know that this is about them.

Just a thought.

Gigglepig

This guy sounds awful - creating such upset at an already difficult time, when his little girl needs her extended family, and the dying lady should of course get to have her daughter around. He sounds completely heartless.

However it is possible that there is more to this story - was he denied contact previously and now is doing this out of spite? he really does not sound like a happy balanced individual. Are there mental health or substance abuse issues? Either way I'd try to get guardians appointed asap - sounds like this little girl might need someone watching over her.

Legal advice sounds like a great idea - and can a cancer charity help perhaps? There are so many broken families, they may be familiar with this sort of scenario even if one would hope it is a rare one.

Please take screen shots immediately and save copies of all text messages, emails, and write notes of what he has been saying including time/place/witnesses. If he has has physically attacked, was this reported to the police?

Transformers

I find it difficult to believe that an order would have been granted to prevent a dying mother from seeing her child.

I expect there is more to this than is written here.

There are many relevant points that will influence any decision such as the current domestic environment, previous history of care issues, life expectancy etc.

Having cared for a terminally ill relative at home (from them being well enough to sit up and have a conversation to falling into a near coma and then dealth) it is not easy to watch. Dying at home is not necessarily the perfect and peaceful event that you may think. It is emotionally charged and physicallt challengy (and sometimes messy). Sometimes people's personality will change significantly towards the end as well. There are some things that are best kept away from a young child.

That said, the mother and child need to see each other and a decent solicitor should be instructed as soon as possible to review the order and negotiate visits.


As to the dad's use of social media - print off comments and pass them to the solicitor.

Ms_Chocaholic

If the mother gets a solicitor they can apply to the Court to get this matter re-heard. As it was heard in an emergency, as I understand it, the order was granted without mother's representation.

Someone needs to ring the Court first thing on Monday morning to establish what the Court have ruled and take it from there.