Urgent Advice Needed please in relation to a dying mum

Danniella

Hi all,

I am asking for some urgent advice for my friend.

Please bear with me (this is a desperate situation);

My friend's sister is dying of cancer (only 35 years old and in her last few months) and is currently being cared for my friend and her parents.

The sister has a 5 year old daughter to also care for. She, up until a few weeks ago, had a partner who is the little girl's biological father.

This is the urgent bit; the partner has not spent 1 hour with the lady who is dying since New Year, he has not seen his little girl (he claimed to not being able to cope with the early death of his partner). He had not seen his little girl until a few days ago when he offered to take her home and have her overnight. The day after the little girl was returned back to her mother, she asked why her daddy was in the same bed as ??? (the dying lady's friend!). Her partner clearly has been too busy with this other lady to be bothered with his partner and his little girl (obviously this lady is devastated) and is scared as to what is going to happen to her little girl when she passes. He took the little girl from school yesterday then phoned and said 'none of you are going to see the little girl again'. The little girl is now back with her mother and her family.

Obviously the lady who is dying is dealing with a lot right now but legally, where does she stand in relation to leave the care of her daughter to her sister and not her partner??

Any information/advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance

Ms_Chocaholic

What a horrid situation.

Despite what the sister's partner has done, I assume he will have PR for the child and, once the mum has passed, he will be the one with the rights. I'm assuming he lived in the family home with mum and child before she became ill and wasn't estranged.

Danniella

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

What a horrid situation.

Despite what the sister's partner has done, I assume he will have PR for the child and, once the mum has passed, he will be the one with the rights. I'm assuming he lived in the family home with mum and child before she became ill and wasn't estranged.

They weren't married when baby was born so unsure of the parental responsibility issue. He is still married to his ex-wife apparently. Yes they lived in the family home with mum and child before she got ill.

Its a horrid situation. Sending her nasty messages, telling her that her little girl will go to him and will never see the rest of her family. He has truly turned into something horrible (he physically attacked one of the other sisters!).

Thanks for your reply.

geminilady

The poor lady to have such worry and upset in her final months.I would seek legal advice asp I believe you can get a free half hour with a solicitor you will need one that deals with family law.I can understand the ex partner not being able to cope but not the jumping into bed with the ladies "friend" in front of the daughter who is very soon going to loose her mum,I really hope you can sort things out and thelady lives her last few month's in some sort of peace.

Gingernutty

If the abusive ex has parental responsibilty, custody reverts to him once your friend's sisters dies.

If he does not, then she can write a will stipulating who she wants to care for the child after she dies. He can then fight for custody in the courts.

Keep records of the abusive messages in case he does.

Danniella

geminilady wrote: »

The poor lady to have such worry and upset in her final months.I would seek legal advice asp I believe you can get a free half hour with a solicitor you will need one that deals with family law.I can understand the ex partner not being able to cope but not the jumping into bed with the ladies "friend" in front of the daughter who is very soon going to loose her mum,I really hope you can sort things out and the lady lives her last few month's in some sort of peace.

I know its a horrible situation Thank you so much for your reply. I have found a local solicitors who have a drop-in family surgery. Am not sure if my friend is awake at this time (as she is caring for her sister) so I will message her in the morning.

Thank you so much for taking the time too read my dilemma.

marisco_2

I cant add to the advice already given, but didn't want to read and run. How awful that your friends family are going through so much. I am sure that you are a great source of support and comfort to them OP.

Danniella

marisco wrote: »

I cant add to the advice already given, but didn't want to read and run. How awful that your friends family are going through so much. I am sure that you are a great source of support and comfort to them OP.

Thank you for your reply. Yes I am doing the best i can for the family.

maman

I didn't want to read and run either. What a dreadful situation to have to cope with for the family and the poor lady herself.


Just wanted to add that some solicitors will make home visits to help with wills if you explain the situation.


Maybe you could help by doing a bit of legwork and finding a suitable solicitor which would take some pressure off the family.

Danniella

maman wrote: »

I didn't want to read and run either. What a dreadful situation to have to cope with for the family and the poor lady herself.


Just wanted to add that some solicitors will make home visits to help with wills if you explain the situation.


Maybe you could help by doing a bit of legwork and finding a suitable solicitor which would take some pressure off the family.

Thank you for your advice. Yes I have found a local solicitor to advise the mum and sister. I feel so useless and I have to do something so this is it.

Gavin83

I will assume he almost certainly has parental responsibilty. As long as he is on the birth certificate (if they were together on the birth I would assume he is) he'll have parental responsibility. Therefore custody of the child will automatically pass to him.

If by some miracle he isn't on the birth certificate I'd imagine the courts would award him full custody anyway. They'd need an extremely good reason not to and a few text messages saying you'll no longer see the child is not enough. Legally speaking he is the childs father and therefore has more rights to look after her than anyone else remaining in the family.

I am however under the impression that grandparents can now apply for visitation rights for grandchildren so this may be worth investigating. I'm unsure how this works though so someone with more information might be able to fill you in.