When does the chemistry start...........

Bogof_Babe

All I will add to these excellent replies is don't be too needy, because that comes across even from the first date and is a real turn-off.

Instead, concentrate on having a good time, doing your own thing, in short being a person in your own right who doesn't actually need a bloke to make you complete, although if one comes along you would be prepared to consider the idea.

If you seem to be desperate, you will only attract those equally desperate, and no, you won't "click". Everyone is more impressed by those who value themselves and who they have to make an effort for, so don't be a doormat.

Best of luck, the right person is out there, but what's the rush?

Little_Pickle

The love of my life and fiancee of 2 years walked out on me with no explaination (looking back we were too young I guess) and it left me heartbroken some 5 years ago.

After that I got to the same place as you and stayed there for 2 years after dating some lovely guys that I always found problems with... worked too hard / didn't wark hard enough / too much money / I was always paying for them etc etc.

Then when I finally had decided that I was happy being alone, I met my now partner up north, at a festival when we both sat in a puddle at the same time.

He wasn't my 'type', was from NZ, a few years older than me and completely outrageous (I'm very quiet).
We clicked instantly and there was such a spark that we ended up moving in together after 3 weeks.
We've had many bad times (the main one being my severe depression, which I'm now coming out of), but even after everything, there is something between us that I couldn't put into words.

I found him when I wasn't looking. And I think that's the key. it's not something you can make happen in your own mind, but I do think that you really have to be comfy and happy in your own life before you can let anyone else in.

as far as 'first night' goes, well, ours was so funny, we still talk about it all of the time.
got shouted at by his housemates for..... LAUGHING too much, had an 'accident' and lost something quite important, had a fag break half way through... went and made roast spuds at 4am and drank tequila shots from egg cups!!!

Try to relax and don't focus on the relationship... focus on you lady! the rest will follow....

good luck and let us know how it all goes...
LP
xox

llh189

Little Pickle I loved your response - thank you. I feel there is a little ray of sunshine in this whole dating game, and maybe I won't look for a while and see what happens!

Loved the others too, thanks everyone for taking time out to reply!

Lisa

melg1973

After leaving my husband in 2000 to meeting my new hubbie in 2004 I must have dated half the decent men in my town :eek: Slight exaggeration but thought I was never going to find the one (ok, the second 'one'!). Some guys I went out with I knew I would never bother seeing again after the first date, some I wasn't sure so gave it 2 or 3 dates and by then realised it wasn't going to happen. Of course some of them I really wanted to see again didn't want to see me! What knew was I was better of by myself than settling for second best - which I have known people to do as they think they are running out of time.

I had just about given up when I met new hubbie, we were both drunk in a nightclub but somehow managed to get each others numbers. When we met for the first date I 'just knew', I couldn't wait to see him again and vice versa. I did sleep with him on the second date which was maybe a bit quick but hell, it was my birthday!

Good luck with your search, some people must have thought I was mad seeing so many different blokes but if you don't get out there you will never know. It also makes life intersting! My excuse was I was banking on the law of averages meaning I had to find a good one sooner or later :rotfl:

mrs_metal

I think DIRTY CASH summed it up brilliantly and I have to agree with the other posters too, I finaly fell in love for the first time (at age 31!) once I'd given up looking for love and was happy being me and enjoying being single.

As for sleeping together, I definitely wouldn't recommend it on a first or second date, you'll probably not see him again! Not saying all men are like that by any means but for some of them it's built in to lose interest once they've planted their seed, you won't have got to know him well enough by then to know if he's someone who'll call you after (by the way I've also known of women who get their kicks and never want to see the guy again). But after then go with your instincts, if you're falling in love you probably won't be able to keep your hands off each other anyway and it'll just happen. First times are never perfect, the more you get to know each other the better it gets.

You'll usually know after the first or second date if you don't want to see him again but trust your instincts, if you want to see him again do, if you don't want to, don't. You can't force love, it just grows and if it's not meant to be, it won't happen. I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe in lust at first sight which may or may not turn to love, in my (limited) experience you have to be friends with him for love to happen.

angela6834

I was quite similar to you. I was married and we split up. I was on my own with two children and was quite happy.....there was no way i intended getting into another relationship. I quite happliy went on dates....out with my friends but when anyone wanted to take it past a first date, I always found some excuse of why we wouldnt be compatible!!

I then met someone at work. I knew he was interested in me (i couldnt get rid of him!!) but refused to even go on a date with him....( another rule I had about not dating people from work!!) We got on really well and I couldnt stop thinking about him, although I never told him that!! It got so bad I told him I was going to report him for stalking me!!

Well after months of him trying I finally gave in and we are still together two years later. The point I'm trying to make is I never 'fancied' him ( tho do now more than ever!!) , never thought there was a 'spark' but could honestly not imagine him not in my life and could not ever imagine not wanting to spend the rest of my life with him.

Good luck and I hope you find what you're looking for.

Angela