Please help, need some advice urgently

kezzygirl

your mother is very vulnerable and they are exploiting that by keeping you away. In a way, it is emotional abuse- they are stopping her from seeing you,which is what she wants to do, this is causing her upset as she has no way of taking control. I would contact the macmillan nurses, explain the situation. If she has a social worker you could also let them know. I would also attend the house and visit.If they kick off,call the police-it will not be a civil matter then.

I wish you well and I hope your mums last days are comfortable x

teabag29

They wont let me in and the door is always locked and i wouldnt keep banging the door or making a disturbance because its only my mum that will suffer and i dont want that she's suffering enough. I will contact macmillan although my mum is a very proud and private person and im not sure she'd be happy be talking about private family matters to her nurses, she would feel embarassed

notanewuser

A disguise?

Armorica

Macmillan and adult social services.

geminilady

I don't know how your brothers and sisters can live with themselves denying your mum her last wishes,the sister guarding the door must have heard your mum saying she wanted to see you again.If they will not answer your phone calls what about writing a letter to the brother who phoned you to visit and posting it through your mums door? really hope you get to see her again it is an awful situation to be in .

Maz

From what you say it sounds like emotional abuse of your poor Mum. I suggest you contact Macmillan and explain and also contact adult social services and lodge an adult safeguarding alert.

I do hope you get this resolved, what an awful time for you. x

teabag29

Been on phone all morning and hopefully getting somewhere. i rang adult social services who were less than useless to be honest and asked what the police said then just agreed with them 'ring citizens advice'. I rang citizens advice who left me on hold for ten minutes then came back with 'go online to our advice page and click on the relationships tab'.... that was no use at all just talks about wills and death etc.

I have been trying the Macmillan team all morning but its constantly engaged so I rang my mums GP. I explained the situation and that I know they are bound by data protection but is there anything they can advise. The receptionist was lovely and has emailed an urgent message to Laura my mums Macmillan nurse (who she said had seen her this week already) outlining the situation and says that she doesnt have the same rules that the surgery have so may be able to tell me more or failing that ring my mum to get her permission to update me and pass on a message to her from me so that is something. She did say they are very busy so she may not get the email today depends when she next logs in so its just a waiting game now.

Its disgusting how they are doing this to me. Last year when the cancer was 1st diagnosed it was me who helped her with her shopping every week, took her on days out to mount st bernards and other religious places she wanted to go, i sat in hospital with her for 2 weeks from 9am until 7pm every day while she had her radiotherapy, i applied for her attendance allowance and took it to appeal to get it for her and it was me who referred her to social services and filled in all forms etc to get her adaptions to her home to make it easier for her to live in and on top of that i always make my mum laugh and leave her in stitches whenever we meet. What they are doing is punishing her as much as me. i had to leave her crying on Sunday.

I really feel like i know where this is going to end up. Things run a little deeper you see, i am not biologically my mums child, she is actually biologically my aunty. My real mum (her sister) was an alcholic and skitzophrenic and it was decided before i was born that i would live with the woman i no as mum and i was made a ward of court, i didnt find out until i was 11/12 and ive always known her as mum. Her other siblings have always treated me differently and been jealous of the relationship we had (they felt i was favoured), they have never seen me as one of them and granted i am different (im the only one who isnt alcohol or drug reliant or ended up in prison etc).

I fear that i will not be informed of anything and that she will pass without me even knowing and i may not be informed of the funeral details etc. After this i would put nothing past them. My mum has also requested in her will that her house be sold and money shared between the 6 of us and im quite sure they will find a way to cut me out of that to (my brother is the executor) although that really doesnt bother me i never wanted her money just a relationship with her. Just hope I get the chance to see her one last time

notanewuser

It's obvious that your mum loves you and always has, teabag. Keep fighting, but if it doesn't go the way you hope, console yourself that your siblings are no longer your siblings - they don't deserve to call themselves that - you needn't see them again if you don't want to. Nobody can say you haven't tried.