Neighbour's House

MickeyBlueEyes

Wow...so many different viewpoints on this subject.


It's amazing how many aspects to this question there are which I had not thought about.


Wet around the ears...

Serendipitious

The lady is 93 and living alone and deserves a great deal more respect from her neighbours than to have people (who until now have only said 'hi' and 'bye') turning up and enquiring about any plans to sell.

She may not even be the legal owner. The property could already be in her family's names. My friend's mother, once she reached her seventies, transferred her property into her daughter's ownership but continued to live there alone quite happily until she died some fifteen years later.

fishpond

One of my neighbours decided to move at 87, I had 1st refusal.( I did purchase it)
If you don't ask, who knows what might happen.
My main problem was the thought of a builder buying and destroying it!
(either converting, demolishing or just c***ing it up (1920's with 4x original fireplaces (the fireplaces are still there)))

Poppie68

I would leave well alone...93 year olds can feel insecure and you may well be opening a can of worms you wouldn't be able to put back... the family may of already suggested or even tried to get her to sell for whatever reason and this may cause her some distress.. She may even become concerned you may try and force her to sell.....while she may seem mentally sound to you this may not be the case.

nubbins

Why are people suggesting a 93 year old is unable to cope with a simple question, my great gran is 103 and her sister is 106 and they are sharper than me.

jackyann

Someone in my family was in the position of the elderly neighbour, and was very pleased to be approached by neighbours wondering about buying. He said "no" but it was all done very pleasantly.

I'd summarise:

You do have enough interaction to know if she is frail in any way, other than hard of hearing. If so, I would be more careful, and take notice of those who are concerned.

If she's fine, then I would approach her in person, and write a letter. I think courtesy demands the first, and she can show the letter to her family, which will allay any fears.

You don't need to mention her age, you really might do this with anyone - it's common in a sought-after area I know. You can easily say that you hesitate to seem pushy, but would very much like first refusal.

You don't know if she is the owner, already has plans for the house, or whether she is wondering about moving. I don't think that a pleasantly worded letter saying how much you want to stay in such a lovely area would upset someone who is in a normal state of mind. She doesn't have to tell you any of her business, just say "not thinking of moving at the moment".

RuthnJasper

nubbins wrote: »

Why are people suggesting a 93 year old is unable to cope with a simple question, my great gran is 103 and her sister is 106 and they are sharper than me.

I agree. People are tending to assume that the neighbour is a frail and nervous old dodderer, but the OP has told us that she leads a full and active life. To my mind, age is just a number - I know people who are well 'old before their time' fossils in their 40s/50s and also plenty of witty, vibrant elderly folk, including a friend's gran who was running her own livery stables until well into her 80s with only one part-time assistant.

Maybe Mickey could broach the subject and, if initial forays are met with displeasure, he can easily drop it straight away, with an apology if needs be. He doesn't sound to me to be the sort of person who would be crass or daft about it anyway. The fact that he is seeking advice - and, moreover, considering the replies he's receiving - suggests that he's not going to go steaming in with tactless questions.

MickeyBlueEyes

One aspect that is striking a chord with me is the loss of being neighbourly in modern society and my own placing in this. Not being neighbourly to extract advantage but in a case like this I feel I would intuitively know whether to ask or not or may even already know!
I talk to my other neighbours as they are generally more visible; washing their car, running errands, diy and we have a nice general chat for ten minutes about whatever. All dies off in the winter and we hardly see anyone as it is get in/out of the car in darkness to home.
However, my parents always talk about how communities were solid before and they knew their neighbourhood (current and old) really well and seemed to have time for people. They would help when it came to DIY, borrowing tools (or sugar) and everyone knew everyone properly. I can see this having downsides too!
In my case, I moved here in my late twenties (now in early thirties) and in amongst being newly married, a full on career and studying for professional exams, a hectic social life, travelling...I lost the art of being a neighbour.

nubbins

RuthnJasper wrote: »

I agree. People are tending to assume that the neighbour is a frail and nervous old dodderer, but the OP has told us that she leads a full and active life. To my mind, age is just a number - I know people who are well 'old before their time' fossils in their 40s/50s and also plenty of witty, vibrant elderly folk, including a friend's gran who was running her own livery stables until well into her 80s with only one part-time assistant.
.

I agree, age is just a number, in fact my great aunt was a model for Dove soap at 96!!! :T

MickeyBlueEyes

I have to say my neighbour is very active with an excellent social life from what I can make out. I’m certain she has a better social life than me and seems to be very sharp. However, I cannot be certain of this - just like with anyone else I know regardless of their age, sex...etc. etc.!