Keeping GF off mortgage?

Clifford29

If you're unsure of a new area try having a look at Doorda.com. It lets you view local crime, road accidents, schools and recent property sales on a single map.

May save time walking the streets.

Beetroot24

(Just from my personal experience) I found myself in the position of OP's girlfriend 9 years ago. I was earning around £15k, I was with an older man who was earning 3 times more than I was. We were inseparable, I was "The One", the love of his life, his best friend, we didn't spend 1 night apart for over a year.

We started talking about buying a house together. We viewed places with the intention of buying together, then suddenly he decided that he wanted to buy alone, and I would pay for half of everything, bar the mortgage. Part of me was pretty relieved as I have always been a bit terrified of debt / credit / finance whatever you dress it up as.

So, he bought the flat, we split everything down the middle to the point that we would stand in the queue at the local supermarket after work, each with our own basket and he would actually tot up the cost and separate the shopping as equally as possible in case, Heaven forbid, he paid a couple more quid than I did on a meal that we would be eating! :O Tbh, I should have realised from the first date how chuffed he was when I offered to go Dutch!

After 2 years of living in his flat, I found out I was pregnant. He gave me 2 weeks to move out. He has never contributed financially or otherwise and even moved abroad to avoid paying maintenance, but hey, that's another story! (I'm not suggesting that the OP will do this to his girlfriend).

Some of the things on this post have started to tinkle my alarm bells. It reads just like my ex, who was controlling and despite what he said, did not want to commit to me. It does seem a bit emotionally detached to me, like you are talking about moving in with a mate, not a lover of 6 years. I was glad that it was not just me who picked up on that, because I wondered if I was being a bit hyper-sensitive because of my experience. I'm all for people being pragmatic and sensible, but it sounds like you aren't expecting it to work out, and are viewing it as purely business/financial.

If you aren't 100%, then you and your GF need to address that, because I had a niggle something wasn't right, ignored it and ended up a single mum at 24. If you are 100% sure that you want to live together and want to be sensible, rent for a while

I was actually really lucky that I didn't go on my ex's mortgage. It was 2005, prices were over-inflated, he paid too much for the flat, it had dropped in value when we split (2007), verging on negative equity. My point is, everybody seems to be viewing the OP's girlfriend as losing out financially by not being on the mortgage, but in fact, in 2/3 years' time, house prices may well have fallen, interest rates may have doubled, and she may decide she does not want to be lumbered with OP's debt! However, she may not be investing her money, but she's investing her early twenties, years that she will never get back, and given my time again, I'd rather have wasted mine having fun not living with someone who after 6.5 years still wasn't sure whether they wanted to commit to me!

For what it's worth, I am now married to a man who has never expected me to go halves on anything. We bought a house together, I paid half of the deposit and legals, but at times I have not been able to contribute towards the mortgage or the bills (been at uni, had another baby, I'm now a SAHM, blah, blah), and my husband has never expected me to, the same as I don't expect him to pay for everything (I've paid for a new roof, new windows, etc). Everything is ours, not his and mine. I'm thankful that I am now with a man who loves me enough to want to share his life with me, was willing to take the risk together, and not with a man who was hedging his bets and only willing to share his bills!

Hope this reply doesn't sound too preachy or emotional! Whatever you do has to be right for you and your girlfriend, but from being in your girlfriend's situation once myself, I wouldn't do it again. Life's too short to get serious with people you aren't sure you are that serious about, and it's certainly too short to get serious with people who aren't sure they are that serious about you. If that makes any sense?! I don't know if my advice is to you or your girlfriend or both!

Goldiegirl

lol_omg_!!!!!! wrote: »

.

To clarify the GF has seen everything as I want her to know what she is entering into and be totally clear on the whole situation.

.

This is a very significant comment.


It seems as if the whole idea is the OP's, and he's presented this idea to the girlfriend on a 'this is what is going to happen' basis.


There is nothing to indicate that she has had any input into the discussions, what she would like to do, or how she feels about any of the plans.


If I was the girlfriend and this plan was presented to me, my answer would be 'it ain't going to happen'

Mojisola

lol_omg_!!!!!! wrote: »

This gives her the chance to keep her savings safe and live rent free with me.

We have talked it over and feel it is fair, as im not expecting her to pay any fees, deposit or morgage payments. Just for 50% for food, electric, tv etc.

lol_omg_!!!!!! wrote: »

In regards to renting we both see it as a futile exercise as it would never really feel like home. I don't think we would settle in as it would be a stop gap and we would know it's temporary.

To clarify the GF has seen everything as I want her to know what she is entering into and be totally clear on the whole situation.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

This is a very significant comment.

It seems as if the whole idea is the OP's, and he's presented this idea to the girlfriend on a 'this is what is going to happen' basis.

There is nothing to indicate that she has had any input into the discussions, what she would like to do, or how she feels about any of the plans.

I think it sounds as if they've discussed it a lot.

Goldiegirl

Mojisola wrote: »

I think it sounds as if they've discussed it a lot.

But he also said earlier that she loves living at home with her parents...... I'm still not 100% convinced that she thinks the arrangement is a good idea

ACG

So this arrangement gives her the flexibility. If it does not work out and she wants to go back to the parents she can up sticks and leave without any issues what so ever.

Mojisola

Goldiegirl wrote: »

But he also said earlier that she loves living at home with her parents...... I'm still not 100% convinced that she thinks the arrangement is a good idea

ACG wrote: »

So this arrangement gives her the flexibility. If it does not work out and she wants to go back to the parents she can up sticks and leave without any issues what so ever.

Exactly...........

GwylimT

My girlfriend and I did this when we moved in together, she had the deposit and she was buying what would be her second property, despite me earning a similar amount as I had never had any form of credit apart from utilities she wouldn't have been able to gain a large enough mortgage with her 40% deposit. When we moved in she paid the mortgage, I paid 50% of utilities and put saved the mortgage amount each month, so four years later when we moved we had her original investment and the money I had saved. By this time I had worked up a decent credit history and we were then able to get a joint mortgage with both of our contributions protected.

lol_omg_wtf

Ok to address a few points as this seems to have run off on a tangent.

WE are happy together. We went on a lovely holiday to Rome last month. We both bought each other some lovely Christmas presents.
She wears the pants in the relationship, the house will be decorated in her choosing most likely using my(our) money. The reason I have being saying my money is to try make clear I don’t expect her to put money into the house till her name is on the deeds.
This is not set in stone. I’m not controlling. This whole post was started so I could check myself to ensure I was not doing something unfair, it was actually posted as a question.
To quote myself "Is it a fair reasonable way to go about it?”


Welcome to the internet where there is some really good advice, then a load of people with chips on their shoulder looking to build a fantasy of a bf who secretly only has the worst intentions at heart.

I have no pets. There are 7 cats at her parents house and she will probably want to build a cat empire in our house too.

WE EXPECT IT TO WORK AND LAST! The house will be our home and we will build and decorate it as such.

It has provided me a laugh that so many of you have had such idyllic fairy tale lives. You can enter into the largest financial commitment of your lives, with such affirmation and confidence to not have an ounce of hesitation?
The “I would drop you like a ton of bricks” squad.
The lead with your heart not with your head type people.
Good on you, Jump in head first! Throw everything at it!

We have taken a more calculated approach to our finances and life choices to date and wish to carry on doing so. As this is one of those situations where if it happens to go wrong, it will cost us lots of extra time, effort, money and tears to undo.

Well I'm sure that’s stoked the fires of some people to come back and tell me I'm a bad BF.

Thank you every last one of you for sharing your wisdom and opinions. I do like a bit of criticism.


If my partner wants to do it another way she will say so. If she tells me she thinks it would be better to do a joint mortgage, we will discuss the pro's. and con's. It was always posted as a question.

CathA

lol_omg_!!!!!! wrote: »

Ok to address a few points as this seems to have run off on a tangent.

WE are happy together. We went on a lovely holiday to Rome last month. We both bought each other some lovely Christmas presents.
She wears the pants in the relationship, the house will be decorated in her choosing most likely using my(our) money. The reason I have being saying my money is to try make clear I don’t expect her to put money into the house till her name is on the deeds.
This is not set in stone. I’m not controlling. This whole post was started so I could check myself to ensure I was not doing something unfair, it was actually posted as a question.
To quote myself "Is it a fair reasonable way to go about it?”


Welcome to the internet where there is some really good advice, then a load of people with chips on their shoulder looking to build a fantasy of a bf who secretly only has the worst intentions at heart.

I have no pets. There are 7 cats at her parents house and she will probably want to build a cat empire in our house too.

WE EXPECT IT TO WORK AND LAST! The house will be our home and we will build and decorate it as such.

It has provided me a laugh that so many of you have had such idyllic fairy tale lives. You can enter into the largest financial commitment of your lives, with such affirmation and confidence to not have an ounce of hesitation?
The “I would drop you like a ton of bricks” squad.
The lead with your heart not with your head type people.
Good on you, Jump in head first! Throw everything at it!

We have taken a more calculated approach to our finances and life choices to date and wish to carry on doing so. As this is one of those situations where if it happens to go wrong, it will cost us lots of extra time, effort, money and tears to undo.

Well I'm sure that’s stoked the fires of some people to come back and tell me I'm a bad BF.

Thank you every last one of you for sharing your wisdom and opinions. I do like a bit of criticism.


If my partner wants to do it another way she will say so. If she tells me she thinks it would be better to do a joint mortgage, we will discuss the pro's. and con's. It was always posted as a question.

To add my tuppence worth to the mix-I think you are both being very sensible. That's all!! Good luck