Keeping GF off mortgage?

Jhoney_2

AngelOfTheNorth wrote: »

Yes. I would rent first too. Even just for six months. Try not to think of it as wasted money, but rather something that's being spent on establishing whether you'll be happy living together or not. Prices are by no means guaranteed to rise anyway, so you could end up getting a cheaper home out of it.

If not cheaper, most definitely happier!

A lot of people live together to see how things go (as you suggest) - before getting married or financially committing and not without good reason!

BobQ

I'm sure it makes perfect sense to the OP. My concern is a lot of the words are not about being a couple. A lot of "I"s and few "we"s.

Reading the words, I would walk away from the OP even if he has told her openly what he has decided to do is her best interests.

They seem to have agreed that they do not wish to rent, if she likes the idea of being a lodger so be it.

I suspect I am of the wrong generation to have a meaningful view of this.

Jhoney_2

Coveredinbees!!!! wrote: »

So you want her to share all the household expenses but have no claim on the house? Can you see you being selfish?

But he works away.... so quite reasonable really.

In summary I would say do what you think works for both of you now and COMMIT to that! If things change down the line, don't start harking back to what you chose to do whilst in love and throw that at each other because things have changed for the worst. It's not a good look/post.

theoretica

There are only two people who need to be totally happy with this: you and GF. However, the thing that strikes me is the question of where you live and what seems to be an assumption that it will be where you live at present, not her. If amount of house for your money were the only consideration there are places far cheaper than Leeds! If you are travelling the country you could presumably have your home anywhere, and is where you are currently living the best place for her to spend the week? Is she looking around for a better paid career? Being able to move anywhere in the country might be of a great help to her job hunting.

If she isn't looking for a major payrise then even with you paying the full mortgage she will have a lot less disposable income and I suggest should have a fair degree of control of the household expenses - eg not feeling pressured into paying half of expensive TV subscriptions if she would be happy without.

lol_omg_!!!!!! wrote: »

I work up and down the country only getting home every other weekend.
She loves living with her parents and I'm slightly worried how she will cope with being at home by herself in a empty house(with a few cats probably).
I live near leeds so house prices are ok. She is living with her parents 20 mile away were house prices are totally unrealistic.
We are both not sure how this will work, I'm ready to buy as I want a place to keep my things motorbikes etc.

Fake_Northerner

I think it's good you guys are being cautious but maybe perhaps too cautious. It might work out for the initial 2/3 years but then what if in 6 years you guys break up? You'll be in the situation that you're trying to prevent from happening here. It could happen at any time. I know you guys don't want to rent but would it really be too bad for 6 months to see how you two are like living together. She may not like being alone all that time if you're only home every other weekend and may not even want to end up moving house with you..

If the house is just in your name for the first 2/3 years would your girlfriend feel like it's not her home? As the 2/3 years is a sort of a 'trial' period to see you two are. Why would she want to put her mark on it if she may end up just leaving?

There's a lot of what ifs? in this situation which can be sorted through a short period of renting. Is it really such a waste of money to see if you're relationship will stand living together?

If my boyfriend suggested this to me.. I'd just laugh at him. We're buying a house together at the moment and up until yesterday he was footing the full deposit but the mortgage would be in both our names. We've been living together for 2 years renting though so we both know exactly how we are (bad habits and such) and then what we wanted in a house as well.

It's all down to you two though. If your girlfriend is truly happy with doing this then it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks.

flossy_splodge

BobQ wrote: »

I'm sure it makes perfect sense to the OP. My concern is a lot of the words are not about being a couple. A lot of "I"s and few "we"s. I agree

Reading the words, I would walk away from the OP even if he has told her openly what he has decided to do is her best interests. Me too

They seem to have agreed that they do not wish to rent, if she likes the idea of being a lodger so be it.

I suspect I am of the wrong generation to have a meaningful view of this.

Yep, so must I be. :eek:

Colin_Hunt

Just tell her you are scared of commitment and that she might be after your money. Then buy a house on your own.
If your appeal is sufficient she will be quite happy to move in, if she has any intelligence at all she will stay at home and just pop round for a shag as and when she sees fit, the probability of her moving in and doing your housework seems unlikely.
Mainly because you wont ever want to give up your growing asset.

buglawton

Before the 2008 crash it was often possible for the high earner to borrow more than a couple with one partner on a much lower salary. To get 'that' house might have forced the issue. Wonder if it's the same nowadays.

patanne

It reads to me that you have basically a long distance relationship. If the cats are yours, you didn't say, I suspect that after a couple of months I'd feel like I had been hired to mind the cats. If not, I think that after living alone for 10 (I'm guessing this is how many you are actually away) days out of 14, then I'd be starting to worry if moving that chair over there, or the kettle to a more sensible place in the kitchen was okay. Then I would start moving everything back when you were due back.

Eventually the stress of it all would just get to me & I would go back home to Mum & Dad where I would know just what was what and what I should be doing. Having said all this, I am older generation and commitment and or lack of it is more of an issue I think.

theoretica

Indeed - I am not sure what your GF would get out of being in your house when you aren't there, rather than living where she chose and visiting you when you happen to be there.