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Frugal Frump to Fab - 2015
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sofarbehind wrote: »I wish I was that kind of woman.........I'm old, unattractive and over weight, definitely on the shelf. I've just been eating and hiding away.
At 36:eek: Like others have said, if it's a new partner you want and a family then you've certainly got time for that. But for the moment just concentrate on loving yourself. Good for you getting back to the gym. That's a great start. While losing weight isn't everything it is brilliant for self esteem but meantime pamper yourselves. We're doing this for us and if it pleases/attracts others then that's a bonus.:)0 -
Tonight we went out for another family cycle and I am really enjoying my new bike. It is great exercise and a lovely way to see the local area. Even though I am in the city there are loads of great cycle paths. In just a few weeks I have felt my fitness levels increase and today I made it up the massive hill that had previously defeated me:j (I may have cheered :rotfl:)Taking responsibility one penny at a time!0
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Sofar – I understand that seeing your ex marry someone stunning is bound to have upset you, but I really wouldn’t consider you to be washed up at 36.
When I was 36, I had been single for four years, was a size 18, completely unfit (did no exercise) and had been so stressed with work that in the last year I’d spent weeks off work with stress and had developed alopecia areta. I was convinced I would never get another boyfriend.
Within a few months I’d decided to cut back to working a 4 day week (my work can be brutal hours at times), started working out with a trainer and feeling a bit healthier and a bit slimmer (though only down to a 16), made more friends in London (I’d moved here when I was 34) and started to feel happier. When I was 37, I had a boyfriend I met whilst out with friends at New Year, who I was with for the next three years. Visa issues meant we couldn’t stay together but despite some of the complications at the end, I still don’t regret our time together.
7 months after we split, I started internet dating and within a year of us splitting I’d met my current boyfriend who I’ve been with for 20 months now. Oh, and by the time we’d met, I was back to a 16/18. Have lost some weight recently so I am more of a 16 again, but I don’t think he’s really noticed and he’s certainly never lectured me on my weight.
Anyway, good on you for getting back into the gym, that’s a great first step. Everything I read suggests diet is the key factor in weight loss, but that’s never been the case for me. Exercise makes me feel more positive and that helps cut down the emotional eating, as well as burning calories of course. Am not surprised people didn’t notice and comment. I realised when I had alopecia and no one ever seemed to notice that everyone is far too busy thinking about all their issues to even pay attention to mine.
Ellsbell – I really wouldn’t listen to your mother too much - they can be very insensitive. Mine had me paranoid about having inherited her “thunder thighs” as a teenager and I was convinced no man would ever find me attractive as a result (the braces and NHS specs didn’t help). I look back and want to slap her for it – size 10 jeans were too large for me as a teenager and I was convinced my thighs were too big!!! I know I would look better if I was slimmer now even though I do a fair job of dressing to flatter my shape – it’s the spare tyre that doesn’t show when standing up in front of the mirror that appears as soon as you sit down that really depresses me. But the reality is none of my friends are as harsh on me as I am on myself – they see me for who I am not what I look like.
Rummer – well done on getting up that hill, bet that was satisfying. Biking is a great way to get to know a new area. I am too scared to cycle in London, but I do enjoy walking / running around the local area – we’ve got a lot of green spaces in SE London to explore.0 -
Good morning lovely ladies
some lovely posts on here again - as always. It's like pulling up a chair and pouring a cup of coffee and relaxing with some very dear friends.
Indie - that was a wonderful and very inspiring post. I do so,agree that none of
us know what life had in store and that we can always build or rebuild our lives. Life really is what we make it and our futures lie in own hands. Of course life throws the odd curved ball, and sometimes we face challenges which threaten to overwhelm us, but I do think we are often much stronger and far more resilient than we give ourselves credit for.
sofar - I can understand that the bottom fell out of your world when your ex got married. That must have been a real body blow, but trust me, at 36 you are not old. You have your whole life ahead of you. Grab it with both hands.
You can and will rebuild a good life for yourself. As Maman says niow is the time to love yourself.....that's what this thread is here for - to help all of us learn to love amd be good to ourselves. and then, when you are ready, get out there and start again.
Ellsbell - try not to take your mothers remarks too much to heart, I agree people be a bit insensitive at times.........and mothers are no exception.
I was born a very plain Jane and having a facial birthmark really didn't help. I overheard some very disparaging remarks at times when neighbours, friends and acquaintances made patronising comments about my looks. My mum never really understood how it affected my confidence and never took my part. If anyone had made remarks like that about my children I would have soon slapped them down but my mum never once stood up for me, or told me I was attractive in my own way.
My father also found me ugly and couldn't bear to look at me half the time, always commenting on how beautiful my cousins were......not nice. I don't think either of them meant to be so crass but even so it was hurtful.
as I said the other day - families........
You know one thing I have learned.......for our insecurities about our perceived imperfections the people who really love us don't really care a fig.......they love us "just as we are".
As for those who,sit in judgement - frankly I couldn't give two hoots for their opinion.
Back in a mo.......0 -
Well it's here - the dreaded anniversary of my husbands death. and guess what - it's not so bad......
The world is still turning, the sky hasn't fallen in - sure I feel a little delicate but I'm having a quiet day - all to myself - and it's just fine.
I have spent the morning finishing my book, I'm going to have some lunch and then a nice long pamper session. Tonight its a quiet dinner in one of my favourite restaurants with my boys, DIL and two of our closest friends. I shall get dolled up and raise a glass.
I have marked today in a very special and some might think very strange way. I have booked myself a holiday..........a cruise round the Caribean in November.
I know My OH would be happy for me. I can feel his presence and approval today.
Today is a big turning point, time for me to get out now and start a new life.
I have three months to get myself ship shape - lose some weight, get fitter, some industrial strength beauty treatments, buy some nice clothes and just mentally prepare myself.
It's time to lose my mantle of widowhood and just become "me". A single person........0 -
lessonlearned wrote: »I have marked today in a very special and some might think very strange way. I have booked myself a holiday..........a cruise round the Caribean in November.
WOW!!!! That's brilliant, what a positive way to mark the anniversary.:T:T:T
And tonight I'm sure your DH's nearest and dearest remembering all the good times of which I know there were many will make for a very fitting evening.
Indulge yourself today and I'm looking forward to your journey (or should that be voyage?) to getting ship shape.:A0 -
MAman. I thought you would approve;)
I was nervous about booking online so I did it over the phone so I could ask questions and make sure I got it right. I got a bit emotional but the girl was lovely. Apparently the ship has 150 places set aside for solo travellers and is very popular so i shouldnt feel,too much like a fish out of water......:rotfl:
Ive given a lot of thought to what will in essence be my first holiday alone, ever.....so I decided either an escorted tour or a cruise would be best. A bit extravagant but as ive not had a holiday in 10 years I thought I would - er hem splash out......
So it's a tour around the West Indies, there was a special offer on and a reduced single supplement so not quite as outrageously extravagant as it might sound.
The one I really wanted was to South America but unfortunately the single supplement was just too much - another time perhaps.
I'm a little bit apprehensive but I'm sure it will be ok.0 -
As a long time lurker on this thread I'd like to thank all of you ladies for inspiring me to try to look like a better groomed version of me rather than the bag lady I was in danger of becoming. I delurked today to congratulate lessonlearned on the positive way she has chosen to celebrate her husband's anniversary. Widowed in my early forties, some twenty years ago, I took my first solo holiday last year ( a tour of India) . I nearly turned tail and ran at Heathrow but had such an enjoyable time I' ve done two more tours since and have another one booked for next year. just turn up with an open mind and enjoy the experience. Everyone holidaying on their own for the first time feels that apprehension but it will quickly wear off. do put aside the mantle of widowhood but lose the tag of single person - just become 'you' lessonlearned - a seemingly remarkable lady0
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lessonlearned wrote: »MAman. I thought you would approve;)
I was nervous about booking online so I did it over the phone so I could ask questions and make sure I got it right. I got a bit emotional but the girl was lovely. Apparently the ship has 150 places set aside for solo travellers and is very popular so i shouldnt feel,too much like a fish out of water......:rotfl:
Ive given a lot of thought to what will in essence be my first holiday alone, ever.....so I decided either an escorted tour or a cruise would be best. A bit extravagant but as ive not had a holiday in 10 years I thought I would - er hem splash out......
So it's a tour around the West Indies, there was a special offer on and a reduced single supplement so not quite as outrageously extravagant as it might sound.
The one I really wanted was to South America but unfortunately the single supplement was just too much - another time perhaps.
I'm a little bit apprehensive but I'm sure it will be ok.
LL, the more times you travel with the same cruise firm, the bigger discount you will get, so South America may not be so out of the question!
Which ship is it? Some are more family, some are more senior, so hopefully they've pointed you in the "not old but no kiddies" category!2021 Decluttering Awards: ⭐⭐🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇🥇 2022 Decluttering Awards: 🥇
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LL what a fitting way to mark the day. We will all be cheering you on your fabbing journey and are looking forward to hearing all about your adventures.Taking responsibility one penny at a time!0
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