Finances when separating - advice needed please

Vikipollard

Remember that the 50/50 in relation to the property is of the equity, not the value.


Check out the Wikivorce site and see if that can help you. The more you can agree beforehand, the less you end up in a legal argument where no one wins.

As another poster has said, you need to track down all the financials, including pension pots for you both.


It's going to be a difficult time (no doubt about that!) and I feel desperately sad for you, particularly given the time of year. As much as you can possibly do, try to keep objective and don't get drawn in to a slanging match.


Stupid question, but is this genuinely how he feels, or has he reached that difficult age when he thinks his youth is skiing off with all the aplomb of Eddie the Eagle and that he needs to Do Something to Find Himself?

enthusiasticsaver

The best way and cheapest way is to settle this between you both amicably without resorting to lawyers who are expensive. Considering the length of time you have been married and the fact your son is 18 the normal arrangement is a 50/50 split.


A friend of mine recently went through the same situation with a marriage split after 25 years and the property had to be sold. You may find this is the only way to move forward. He is presumably named on deeds and mortgage so he is legally liable to pay the mortgage as are you, jointly and severally. Even if he did not pay he is still entitled to half the equity so if you pay it in full this will not wipe out his share of the equity if this is what you are thinking UNLESS he agrees that he will forsake the equity if you make the full payment and signs an agreement to this effect. Same goes for inheritance in that he may agree this should not be included in "marital assets" and waive any claim on it. As it is in an ISA in your name and came from outside your joint income you may have a case for that and should take legal advice in January.

barbiedoll

Just a couple of things to consider: Are you absolutely sure that he is leaving to "be alone"? In my experience, men rarely leave a long marriage to be alone, they often have somewhere and someone to go to. Where is he planning to live when he leaves you? The fact that he has arranged for his wages to be paid into a new account, sounds as though he may possibly have found someone else to "manage" his money, especially if normally he is clueless about such things. Of course, he may just have been taking advice from family/friends, but it may be worth doing some digging.

If he does have someone else, it could be worth trying to negotiate to keep your house and to give him some of the cash (inheritance, ISA, etc) in return, especially if he likes the feel of a pound note in his pocket. If he does have someone else, he may want to get a clean break more quickly and without a court case etc. This would obviously be better for you as well, the only winners in court are the lawyers.

I know that this is a very upsetting time for you and that all of your plans for the future are up in smoke right now. But you need to keep a cool, calculating head on you, you know him better than anyone and you will know his weak spots. I don't like advising anyone to try to shaft their spouse out of what is rightfully theirs but sometimes you just have to look after yourself (and your child) and your career and money sacrifices should be recognised. It may also be worth checking around the legal forums to see if you can legally "gift" any of your money to your child so that it won't be taken into consideration as an asset of the marriage. I don't know much about these things but someone, somewhere does.

I'll probably get shot down in flames for this post but so be it. I wish you well for the future and I hope that you get through this without too much bitterness, resentment and heartache. And I hope that you manage to enjoy Christmas.

MoD

Leaving aside the issue of the house, is anyone able to advise me on this point please?

MoD wrote: »

We currently have a small 'emergency fund' which I assume we will split 50/50. H has always been rubbish at money management and so always left household finances to me, I tried to involve him many times but he never wanted to know. I anticipate that once we separate he will spend every penny he has as whatever money he has ever had has run through his hands like water (and he can never identify where it has disappeared to). I am, by nature, a saver and like to know where every penny goes.
My concern is that, having already had 50% of our current savings, would he be further entitled to a share of my 50% plus anything I manage to save after separating? Also would he be entitled to a share of any money I might receive as a gift or inheritance after separating?

ecgirl07

MoD wrote: »

Leaving aside the issue of the house, is anyone able to advise me on this point please?

Depends where you are. From reading threads on here in Scotland its a financial settlement on the date of separation, in England (see jacks thread) its the date of the final financial settlement which can be years later.

nash1977

Your husband will be able to make a claim on your money/inheritance gained after separation.

gettingtheresometime

nash1977 wrote: »

Your husband will be able to make a claim on your money/inheritance gained after separation.

I can confirm this - my mother received a letter from my father's solicitor a week after she buried her mum asking for details of any inheritance that she'd been left

thorsoak

If you are resident in England or Wales, and arrange a "clean break" financial settlement, then any inheritance that you receive after the divorce and financial settlement are signed off, then it should be free from any claim.

If however you inherit a sum before everything is finalised, then it will be taken into consideration.

quidsy

can you show nyn proof of giving ex husband a share of the inheritance at the time that he then bought a bike with? this may go some way to preventing him getting a share of your share that you sensibly put in savings.

Armorica

You are probably underselling your skills as well. Experience does matter so you may find you are more employable than you think.