Overthinking - Anyone else?

robin_banks

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Yeah I was surprised by how many people responded so quickly. I think that some people are a bit different to me, they seem to fret on some of the smaller things in life, like why someone said such a thing, or looked a certain way etc. I tend to reflect far too much when considering a change. I look too much in to the past and think about what has happened, rather than how I can look forward. I have multiple on/off relationships because of this, because I am always trying to recapture what I have had in my past, or am being affected by something that I have related the situation to from my past.

Does that make any sense?!? Haha, I do make myself laugh at times, I swear some of my close mates want to strangle me!!

The past is in the past, it's best to learn from any situations you've faced be they good/bad/bittersweet.

I had a relationship that ended disastrously in 2002, house sale etc. The one sensible thing I did was not to get involved with anyone for a couple of years, mind you for at least half that period I was as mad as a box of frogs.

Primrose

There's an excellent comprehensive book called The Complete CBT Guide for Anxiety which covers all kinds of anxiety ranging from social phobias to health and relationship anxieties, together with suggested solutions and "homework" questions to help you analyse your own reactions and situation. You should be able to order it from your library.

onomatopoeia99

Orlando_Virgin wrote: »

Does anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

Yes, and badly.

Primrose

It,s sometimes helpful to remember that in all these situations you are seeing the issues from your own perspective and probably viewing the reaction of another in the light of this. Often the other party may have a completely different take on the situation. For example you may think the other person is looking at you and thinking what you said was foolish or irrelevant and in reality they have thoughts running though their head that you consider them stupid and lacking in conversation or unintelligent. It doesn,t always pay to try and over analyse because unless you know somebody terribly well you never really know what they are thinking. And however much to try and plan for the future, often fate comes along with some quirk to derail you.

robin_banks

But sometimes events happen you can't help yourself.

adrisco

It's 2.30 am. I can't sleep. Over thinking has gone into overdrive!
Every little problem has become a catastrophe. So much is good in my life .. why am I focusing on the bad! Sorry about the rant. Hope I wake (???) feeling calmer. Sorry.

Orlando_Virgin

I was reading up on rumination last night, which seems to describe my behaviour to a tee. I ironically, I felt much better last night after posting on here and knowing it's not just me, I had a great night's sleep and I'm on form today!

I have been offered a major job change at work that could include possible re-location which doesn't help, it made me reflect a lot.

Adrisco, I have many a night like that when I am addressing the world's issues in my head! Exercise during the day definitely helps me fall asleep quickly at night.

fairy_lights

Primrose wrote: »

It,s sometimes helpful to remember that in all these situations you are seeing the issues from your own perspective and probably viewing the reaction of another in the light of this. Often the other party may have a completely different take on the situation. For example you may think the other person is looking at you and thinking what you said was foolish or irrelevant and in reality they have thoughts running though their head that you consider them stupid and lacking in conversation or unintelligent. It doesn,t always pay to try and over analyse because unless you know somebody terribly well you never really know what they are thinking. And however much to try and plan for the future, often fate comes along with some quirk to derail you.

This is some very good advice, I felt like you were speaking directly to me as this applies so perfectly to the way I overthink things

miss_independent

I'm the same OV... Currently I can't stop thinking about why my last relationship didn't work out and it makes no sense because a) I don't have romantic feelings or physical attraction for him anymore and b) as of a fortnight ago he has moved away and I never have to see him anymore so he is essentially out of my life. I've spent three days agonising over whether I should unfriend him on Facebook or not. Most people see me as a mature, rational, sensible woman - I have no idea why this has happened and, like you, I tend to find it is more of a factor when it comes to relationships. So much so, that I've decided to forget about relationships for the time being and focus on living a full and rewarding life!

All I can think is that relationships are just a big deal to me and something I take seriously when I'm in one. I'm independent (hence the username!) and I have had long periods of being on my own so when I invite someone into my life I need to know it's going to be worth it. Also, I've not had lots of casual relationships in the way that many other people my age have so in a way, there is a level of wanting to make sure I'm doing everything right, if that makes sense, so maybe that's why things play on my mind.

I actually believe though that most people don't think enough about their relationships and just kind of drift along then one day they wake up with the feeling they don't really know their SO. So many people fall into marriage and kids out of habit/fear of the unknown rather than a genuine desire to create something bigger out of the loving relationship they have. As a woman, I've got to consider the fact that I want to have children of my own and only around 10 years left to conceive, if I'm lucky, so being with the right man is important. Choosing someone to spend your life with and to bring new life into the world with is a huge decision and I do think you have to think carefully about it. I'm now at the stage where I know I'd rather be single and childless than just end up with someone out of fear and loneliness but it's took me a lot of thinking to get to that point! Also I know that I've had my heart broken and I don't particularly want to go through that again so I think part of the overthinking is a form of protection.

New jobs and re-location are another trigger for my obsession too. Maybe just try not to obsess about obsessing lol. You seem like a very together person who just wants to make the most of his life and who knows what is important to him. There is a big part of me that believes that everything ultimately works out for the best so, be honest with yourself by all means, but don't ruin the happiness you have right now by comparing it to the past or worrying about the future.

Orlando_Virgin

miss_independent wrote: »

I'm the same OV... Currently I can't stop thinking about why my last relationship didn't work out and it makes no sense because a) I don't have romantic feelings or physical attraction for him anymore and b) as of a fortnight ago he has moved away and I never have to see him anymore so he is essentially out of my life. I've spent three days agonising over whether I should unfriend him on Facebook or not. Most people see me as a mature, rational, sensible woman - I have no idea why this has happened and, like you, I tend to find it is more of a factor when it comes to relationships. So much so, that I've decided to forget about relationships for the time being and focus on living a full and rewarding life!

All I can think is that relationships are just a big deal to me and something I take seriously when I'm in one. I'm independent (hence the username!) and I have had long periods of being on my own so when I invite someone into my life I need to know it's going to be worth it. Also, I've not had lots of casual relationships in the way that many other people my age have so in a way, there is a level of wanting to make sure I'm doing everything right, if that makes sense, so maybe that's why things play on my mind.

I actually believe though that most people don't think enough about their relationships and just kind of drift along then one day they wake up with the feeling they don't really know their SO. So many people fall into marriage and kids out of habit/fear of the unknown rather than a genuine desire to create something bigger out of the loving relationship they have. As a woman, I've got to consider the fact that I want to have children of my own and only around 10 years left to conceive, if I'm lucky, so being with the right man is important. Choosing someone to spend your life with and to bring new life into the world with is a huge decision and I do think you have to think carefully about it. I'm now at the stage where I know I'd rather be single and childless than just end up with someone out of fear and loneliness but it's took me a lot of thinking to get to that point! Also I know that I've had my heart broken and I don't particularly want to go through that again so I think part of the overthinking is a form of protection.

New jobs and re-location are another trigger for my obsession too. Maybe just try not to obsess about obsessing lol. You seem like a very together person who just wants to make the most of his life and who knows what is important to him. There is a big part of me that believes that everything ultimately works out for the best so, be honest with yourself by all means, but don't ruin the happiness you have right now by comparing it to the past or worrying about the future.

Well first of all I think you should definitely unfriend your ex, there seems like no point having him on FB at all. I actually deleted facebook a while back as I didn't really think it was doing anything for me, just hours of pointless stalking of threads with nothing there. And SURPRISE, surprise, I'd always find myself looking to see if my ex had posted on something, wondering about dynamics etc. I have a perfectly good network of friends outside of Facebook so I don't need to be on there.

I completely relate to your relationship life!! Ha. I am very similar, I think because of me committing so much to making my previous relationships, I can sometimes look for signs that are not even there, or try to make sure I am taking the right steps and doing the right things at the right time, rather than letting it flow naturally. I think part of it is being down to being a bit controlling, not controlling of other people, but of my own destiny. I want everything to go like it should, and turn out like it should, which is impossible to achieve. Nobody can predict the future or the way things will happen.

I have found out I'm a definite ruminator!! I didn't even know what that is until yesterday haha!