I thought work was suppose to pay!

iammumtoone

Thanks I deleted my post as this thread was really about the benifits of working full time not about my son. I was given some good advise some mentioned pensions a very valid point and also the fact I need to work full time at some point which I am fully aware of but don't think that time is now. I also got some stick particularly about the fact I should put my son before my social life! Like I explained I don't have a social life I don't really have many to look after my son and if I do leave him with my dad he plays up for him as well so I feel bad. That's why I posted a bit about what it's like having to juggle work and looking after my child.

When I say tratrum he screams and shouts kicks his feet slams doors etc he gets extremely frustrated there is just no claming him down he won't listsen when he is that state I cant give him a hug he hates that it really upsets me as I don't know what to do for him. This can go on for an hour. I try to speak to him afterwards why he he gets so upset but he doesn't/can't explain the standard answer is you make me angry and he gets angry and frustrated again which isn't nice to hear/see if I wish I knew what was making him angry I could help then and have a starting point.

The smallest thing sets him off this week he went mad as when he opened his Lego advent calendar which he does first thing I hadn't even spoken to him apart from to say good morning. The issue was that he gots some bits that didn't need putting together he didn't like that as he was expecting to build something as he had every other morning. When I tried to talk to him and calm he just kept saying I lied to him!! I wish I knew what about I could explain it then when I kept asking all he would shout back was you know and it was making him worse. I cried that morning when I dropped him off was still crying when I got to work but have to sort myself out and forget about it as I have a job that needs to be done. It's hard and I go throught all that for the sake of a couple of extra quid per hour the point of the original thread. I didn't really mention it before as it is irrevavant all parents have issue with their children sometimes I am cetainly not alone in that.

iammumtoone

Thanks again everyone who has commented especially those that have been helpful. I won't post again as this isn't the place for it, it's the benifits board not the place for me to moan about my lack of parenting skills (although I am not perfect by any means I do try my best).

FBaby

iammumtoone wrote: »

That is unfair and un-callled for. I do not have a personal life at all, I never did have much of one but for the last year I haven't seen any of my friends I am either at work, with my son or doing stuff like shopping.

It wasn't meant in a horrible way. I have been there, single, working full-time, with two children under the age of 5, going through the stress of restructuring and having to make the best impression to avoid redundancy, no help from family and an ex that caused me more grief than support, so I know all too well what it is like.

You say you have no life, but surely you have week-ends left and holiday? Shopping, I used to do with the kids, stressful, but I turned it around to make it a fun thing for them. If they were especially tired, I would promise a small bar of chocolate at the end. Housework, I tried to do as much as I went along. The house wasn't the best deep clean, but we survived that. washing etc.. was first thing Saturday morning. Paperwork was at lunch break if I could or once they were in bed. I meant with friends with the kids usually on Sundays.

Yes, it was tough and at times depressing, but I am now in a position to have a wonderful life, all I dreamt of when I was struggling, and I know that the choices and sacrifices I made then is what put me where I am now.

FBaby

And just to add if you read before the thread is deleted. What this lifestyle imposed on my children, ie. self-discipline is so paying off now. From the age of 9-10, they were totally self-sufficient getting ready in the mornings, doing their homework without reminding assistance, showering, and starting to organise their own social life.

They are now 11 and 14 and I can leave home when they are still in bed, knowing that they will get up on their own, live the house clean, and get to school on time. They haven't been late once and have been praised for always looking smart. Not one homework not complete. I understand this is not a common achievement nowadays and I know that it comes from the routine they learnt from the moment they were toddlers which has now become second nature. I might have had the tantrums then, but I don't any longer, compared to what I hear from colleagues who battle with their teenagers who can't get them to get up in the morning.

FBaby

The smallest thing sets him off this week he went mad as when he opened his Lego advent calendar which he does first thing I hadn't even spoken to him apart from to say good morning. The issue was that he gots some bits that didn't need putting together he didn't like that as he was expecting to build something as he had every other morning. When I tried to talk to him and calm he just kept saying I lied to him!! I wish I knew what about I could explain it then when I kept asking all he would shout back was you know and it was making him worse. I cried that morning when I dropped him off was still crying when I got to work but have to sort myself out and forget about it as I have a job that needs to be done. It's hard and I go throught all that for the sake of a couple of extra quid per hour the point of the original thread. I didn't really mention it before as it is irrevavant all parents have issue with their children sometimes I am cetainly not alone in that.

And just to add again!, this behaviour is not that unusual at his age, especially at this time of the year. Children who are in full-time care do get more tired understandibly, but they built this resistance and once again, these children find adjusting to the demand of work later at school much easier than others. I was talking to mums of my DS's friends from last year and they were asking me how DS had adjusted to secondary because their kids were exhausted and difficult as a result. I didn't say the truth, that DS finds it easy because he can now wake up later and come home earlier.

I don't think you lack parenting skills at all, I think you are expecting too much of yourself and letting guilt dictate your decisions. I have found that it gets so much easier as they get older, which is exactly the opposite experience some of my friends who were stay at home or working part-time seem to be facing.

AngelOfTheNorth

If the situation is negatively impacting yours and/or your son's health OP, you may not have a choice in the matter- you may have to make a change. I sympathise, it also sounds like your son's father isn't involved and that's tough. And I do wonder if a chat with your son's teacher, maybe the GP would be helpful?

dippy3103

Sounds to be as if your parenting skills are fine..

You also just described my 7 year olds behaviour to a tee.. I find he gets on better at a childminders than a nursery. There are lots of amazing childminders out there- maybe that's better for you. Childminders are usually cheaper than nursery too!!

My son has adhd & gets frustrated and bored easily. There is help out there.

meer53

I'm a single mum too with a daughter of 14. When she (and her brother who is 27) were small i worked part time and claimed Tax and Child Tax Credits. At the back of my mind was the worry of what would happen when i stopped getting benefits to supplement my salary, i would never be able to manage on a part time salary once the benefits stopped.

I waited until my daughter started high school at 12 before going full time. She hated it, it meant she had to get herself to school and back whereas previously i'd taken her by car. She also hated the after school and school holiday playschemes too. Tough luck i said, if you want to have holidays and spending money to go out with your friends, it's the price you have to pay, it won't kill you, thousands of children do it every day.

It was the best thing i did. My daughter is the most independent, self sufficient girl i know. I no longer have to worry about what will happen in the future, i now earn too much for benefits, but know a lot of people who are in for a huge shock when their children finish their education.