Advice needed- DD wants to come home

Jagraf

Mojisola wrote: »

So go back to the parents' house for the weekend; have some long sessions with friends; see the GP if necessary.

You can't give up a flat and a job on the spur of the moment - it takes time to work out notice, etc - time to think things through, look for a new job, find a new place to live.

If Mum and Dad weren't there to run home to, she wouldn't have made herself homeless and jobless - she would have coped. It's not fair to throw other people's lives into the air because you can.

This woman must be in her late 20s - she's an independent adult and should be managing her life accordingly.

I agree with this. You can be just as supportive as parents without feeling under threat that if you don't do as they choose, they won't visit you again (not that this has happened in the op's case). This daughter isn't 16, or even 18, she's a grown woman. Blimey in my late twenties I had had no end of near misses!!! My folks were always there for me, but I respect they have a life too. I am sure the op's daughter knows this too and will respect her mums wishes and her very sensible approach to the situation.

cte1111

Is there any way your daughter's ex partner could have the cats until she's found somewhere? Or is there anyone else who could foster them for a while?

TBagpuss

Make-it-3 wrote: »

I would be surprised if country cats are indoor ones. Even if so, you can keep the dog away from them but not vice versa. They can easily jump over a stair gate (my cat does when she wants to get into my daughter's room).

I wonder if you could give it a try with the proviso that if either dog, cats or all are getting distressed that she needs to find cattery accommodation for them while she stays with you.

Or if she can't bear to be separated then she finds somewhere local to you she can live with her cats but still have her parents nearby. In fact, it might be worth putting that suggestion to her in the first instance.

This sounds like a sensible option. Could you put a litter tray in the bathroom? I don't know when you last had cats but with modern litter (esp. the crystal kind) there is very little smell or dirt, provided that the trays are cleaned regularly, and you can get lidded trays, and mats to catch any stray bits of litter, which further reduces mess and smell.

If you and your husband keep your bedroom door shut that would give the cats 2 bedrooms, the bathroom and landing as dog-free, safe space. Is it possible that the dog might cope better with cats he can see than with rats which he can smell but can't find?Especially if he has had experience with living with cats before.

Things such as petting the cats and then immediately giving him treats and attention may help too, if he associates the cat with nice things happening.

System

In all fairness we don't know the reasons the daughter split up with the boyfriend I suppose. She could have valid reasons and its really not up to us to judge.


Its just a good job she's got family to fall back on, otherwise she'd be stuffed.

BJV

marisco wrote: »

Three very big events to hit someone's life in such quick succession. It sounds as if your daughter very much wants and needs to come home to you for some love and support. She has tried to impact as little as possible on you with her return by seeing if her animals can stay elsewhere. Personally I think you should put her wellbeing ahead of that of your dogs, at a time when she clearly needs you most. The dog will adjust to the new house guests.

Completely agree. It can not be and will not be easy for your daughter to come home after all of that. She is a grown women and what ever is going on it must be bad to leave everything behind.

rach_k

If you absolutely can't take the cats even for a trial period, it might be a good idea to contact some local cat rescues, probably the smaller, more informal kind. The one near me has several cat fosterers they use when they're full - you could maybe come to some kind of arrangement with them e.g. the cats are fostered and your daughter pays all costs plus makes a donation to the rescue. It'd be cheaper than a cattery and probably better for the cats.

krlyr

Is there room in your garden? Many cat breeders set up sheds with aviary type runs for cats. It'll take a bit of adapting, but it might provide them with a bit more room than the bedroom (and daughter could perhaps bring them in for a bit, e.g. when dog is taken for a walk)?