Home life - at wits end, need advice!

DKLS

Get proactive and stop !!!!!footing around, Ring round the local dog rehoming charities, the first one that is willing to accept them, sick the poor dogs in the car and take them yourself.

pollypenny

You're living in squalor, OP!

Your mother needs urgent medical help, both physical and mental, it seems.

Get those animals out of the house now, taking them to a centre if possible.

And start cleaning and disinfecting immediately.

Sounds like your sister also needs a MH assessment.

getmore4less

3 boys, all grown up


But scared of their sister.

Is there no garden?
There are 1000s of parrots wild in london.

sulphate

mrcjevans wrote: »

Hi, So the RSPCA have been round a few times before, but my sister knew about it so tidied up, the dogs are all deemed healthy, but they are just not cared for in a sense of love etc, they are literally possessions that are fed and watered. So RE the RSPCA, it's more a call to take the dogs away and rehome them, rather than to search the house again

The RSPCA are unlikely to take the dogs if they are fed/watered and the place has been tidied by your sister. They will only take them if it is obvious to them whilst they are there that they are seriously neglected.

Your sister is getting away with her behaviour because she has been allowed to in the past. She needs a wake up call.

I agree you could be more proactive - start ringing round rescues now to find someone to take your mother's dogs. After they have been rehomed, tell your sister in no uncertain terms that the parrot will go next and if her dogs come round again they will go too.

If there are 10 dogs to find homes for you will need to start looking pronto as many rescues are full to the brim as it is.

As for "it's mum's house it's up to her". I would respond along the lines of "She may own the house but as I live there too I am not willing to live in squalor any longer, I am also concerned for mum's health, so my previous message still stands, you have one week to make other arrangements for your dogs and parrot, otherwise they will be taken to rescue centres"

You need to keep to the ultimatum.

eskimo26

Can i ask you something?
Why do you all keep in touch with this aggressive sister? What are the positive aspects of the relationship?

If this was me we would all have got together a while ago decided it was time to cut off contact, told her not to come round, not to call or contact you in anyway.

Lose her number and do not contact her.

Any abuse or her turning up uninvited from that period on would be reported to the Police especially elder abuse and animal abuse!

There's only one of her and how many of you? I honestly can't get my head around how powerful she 's been allowed to become.

Kaye1

My toddler has realised that if she throws herself on the floor and screams, I will ignore her until the tantrum has finished.
She has pretty much given up on tantrums as she knows they don't work.
No-one has taught your sister that life lesson.
It sounds as if you are trying your best- go one further and change the locks and allow no access until she can behave properly.

TBeckett100

I think we are heading towards a legal issue here which shouldn't be conducted by Whatsapp.

You should also consider what happens in the event your mother is diagnosed with mental incapacity. Assuming no power of attorney in place you will need to begin the lawful process of appointing the Court of Protection to appoint a deputy to manage mum's affairs. As you can imagine with an errant sister, this is going to be your significant problem.

Someone did raise a question of what is her partner doing exactly?

You also need to consider what exactly your sister can do? There is no point !!!!! footing around. If she comes round and hits one of you, then it's time to call the police, not to punish her but to have a legal audit trail of her behaviour which may become very useful when dealing with your mums affairs legally, on the assumption she decides to try and veto any action being taken

Living in a Zoo is not the way to carry on and you are very right to seek the removal of these animals. Mental issues can be brought on by stressful and unhealthy issues and therefore this will go some way to help.

As I have said, you can't be frightened of someone. If you are all pulling in the same direction hopefully a unity of force and protection may be sufficient. Violent behaviours shouldn't be tolerated or feared. Ideally she will come and smack you all which could result in an injunction, thus paving the way to a swifter and cleaner break.

thorsoak

Maybe you all should read this :- http://www.ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing/relationships-and-family/protecting-yourself/what-is-elder-abuse/

You can then hopefully work out a way forward for your mother.

duchy

Have you considered changing the locks and refusing your sister access to the house ?

It is NOT her home -she can rant and rave all she likes ...... or try and kick the door in at which point you call the police. Obviously your mother would need to agree to her exclusion (and agreement not to have the dogs every day) - which may be where having a socialworker for her involved may be essential.

Sounds like you are all scared of her - Stand together and sort things out for your Mum's sake.

LannieDuck

A couple of thoughts:

i) Your Mum's partner - is he a long-term partner? I can understand the reluctance to include him in this if he's a short-term bf. But if it's a serious relationship, I think he needs to be supporting you and your Mum in determining and enforcing her actual desires, rather than everyone claiming to know what she wants.

ii) You say 'we' have some dogs - are they yours? If so, that's easy - rehome them. If they're your Mum's you need to find out what she actually wants - see below.

iii) I agree with your sister in that it's your Mum's house and therefore her choice. You need to get your other siblings together to have a clear conversation with your Mum and find out what she actually wants. Then you can support each other in telling sister to make other arrangements for the parrot. Why on earth is it at your Mum's house in the first place if it's your sister's partners'?!

iii) Re your Nan, I think it's clear your Mum is in no position to be the main carer for someone atm. Could you and your siblings take on the lion's share of this? Maybe each sibling agree a day per week when they'll visit your Nan?

iv) Could you persuade your Mum to go to the GP? Maybe accompanied by her partner so he can make sure she's honest and upfront about the possible dementia?