Relationship woes , am I wrong ??

Errata

I have tried including her in social events, Indeed my colleagues have invited her too, but these are all turned down .

Looks like good manners aren't her strong point.
If it was a relationship of longer standing and you were a woman, I'd be advising you to talk to Womens Aid.

duchy

Have you had other relationships in the last four years ?
What was the interaction between your previous partners and your workmates ?

makeitstop

Errata wrote: »

Looks like good manners aren't her strong point.
If it was a relationship of longer standing and you were a woman, I'd be advising you to talk to Womens Aid.

Yes, I think this is an interesting view of it. Most certainly it would be seen very differently if it were the other way around with the sexes.

It's always too easy for people to jump in and say "it'll be like this or it'll be like that" simply on the basis that they may have had some kind of experience in the past which has elements of what you mentioned here about this person. All relationships are unique, and while there can, and no doubt are, some patterns to behaviours, that does not always indicate that every case has to, or even will, follow any set pattern.

Surely it has to be worth getting to the bottom of why she has these feelings, so you can discuss them and hopefully come to some common ground on how it "perhaps" should be. If after a good attempt at that you get nowhere or feel as though it's turning into something you would rather it weren't, re-evaluate and move on from there, wherever that "move on" may be.

Good luck.

dawyldthing

No chance. I'd call it quits now. Even though they are work colleagues they can be friends too. I couldn't go out with someone who dictates what to do and when. Yes you need your together time, but you also need time for yourself. It's this now, but what next? Must come home straight from work and do what she chooses maybe?

Sounds like the honeymoon period is over and now your seeing the real her

JIL

I think she wants to be your one and only.
What's her history, does she have any issues that make her feel so needy? My mother always told me never try to change a person as you might not like what you change them into.

maman

Mojisola wrote: »

Does she have any friends other than you? Does she spend any time with them?

That's a good question. I'd say that in any relationship there should be time together and time spent with friends. It's irrelevant whether the friends are men or women.


If she wants you to spend all your free time with her then that's not the sort of relationship I'd want. Far too stifling and possibly controlling and needy. I'd tell her you're going to carry on seeing your friends, she's welcome to join you but otherwise you'll go on your own.

Armorica

Stop with the errands if they are unreasonable/all one way...but stopping socialising with your friends (unless they are leading you astray!) is controlling and unreasonable.

duchy

Armorica wrote: »

Stop with the errands if they are unreasonable/all one way...but stopping socialising with your friends (unless they are leading you astray!) is controlling and unreasonable.

I don't know......

My reading of the first post was a man who hasn't had a relationship for a while (illustrated by the uncertainty of whether his lady was been reasonable or not) and I got this impression of an office of women and the OP as the "token man " and that he was the single man whilst everyone else was in couples .......

I did wonder why the OP hasn't asked her outright why she dislikes them and I am reminded of a man in an office I worked in who wasn't really a friend but used to hang with us sometimes and some of the women were getting him to fetch and carry for them and laughing about it behind his back.

Maybe I'm transferring that experience -and that isn't the situation but honestly I can't think of anytime I'd ask a collegue to go shopping for me (beyond maybe picking me up a sandwich if they were going to get one for themselves) male or female. Presumably everyone gets a lunch break so has equal time to run their own errands.

Maybe the girlfriend is a possessive bunny boiler but maybe she has picked up on a vibe from these women (as women sometimes do pick up things that sail over men's heads it can be subtle) or overheard a comment and is actually trying to do the right thing by him without hurting his feelings by telling him he works with a bunch of not so nice women. Three months isn't that long so maybe she is afraid of just telling him how she sees it just yet.

Of course her perception of them could be wrong -but if everything else is as good as the OP says maybe he needs to talk to her properly about why she feels that way about them and decide if it is more than just wanting him all to herself.

I'd also wonder if she reacts the same way about going out with other friends or if it is just this particular group ? Maybe they are just a cliquey bunch who haven't made her welcome or they intimidate her in some way (whether meaning to or not)

I think it's too easy to say "She's clingy" but again I can't understand why the OP hasn't just talked to her about her reasons . Like most relationship issues it is all about communication.

FBaby

3 months in a relationship and already expecting you to give up your social life to dedicate all your time to her.... I would tell her 'sorry but no', and if she couldn't blind in your social life, then I would think she isn't the one for you.

fairy_lights

What sort of errands have you been doing for your workmates? Maybe she feels that they've been taking advantage of you?