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"Kindness glues couples together"

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  • Morglin
    Morglin Posts: 15,922 Forumite
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    I think it's also important to remember, that even if you are in a fury, once you have said something, hurtful, humiliating or cruel, to your partner, it can never be taken back, and the memory can fester for years.

    Least said, soonest mended, is often the best way forward.

    Lin :)
    You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands..........for instance, if they are placed around your throat, she's probably slightly upset. ;)
  • System
    System Posts: 178,375 Community Admin
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    I think it's also important to remember, that even if you are in a fury, once you have said something, hurtful, humiliating or cruel, to your partner, it can never be taken back, and the memory can fester for years.

    Never a truer word has been spoken.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • Groan... my wife has just announced she "wouldn't mind" a Jeep JK. Does this mean that I have to buy her one to keep our marriage solid and stable?

    Yes you do. And you must also book a trip to the Caribbean for the two of you for early summer next year, and get her a £200 gift voucher for 'Next.' :D
    Proud to have lost over 3 stone (45 pounds,) in the past year! :j Now a size 14!


    You're not singing anymore........ You're not singing any-more! :D
  • FBaby
    FBaby Posts: 18,374 Forumite
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    74jax wrote: »
    :eek: that has sent shivers down my spine... Make the first move...... When I'm right....... I think I need to go lie down. :rotfl:


    See, it is all about interpretation! I said when you THINK you are right, not when you are! That's the issue, you can reach the point where both think they are right and are set to try to prove to the other that the onus is on them to implement change because of it.

    A good relationship is when you accept that although you might think you are right, you trust your partner enough to accept that maybe you are wrong, and that most likely, ultimately, it doesn't matter who is right or wrong and who makes the first move because it is the outcome of making the effort that will make the relationship a happy one.
  • VfM4meplse
    VfM4meplse Posts: 34,269 Forumite
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    Groan... my wife has just announced she "wouldn't mind" a Jeep JK. Does this mean that I have to buy her one to keep our marriage solid and stable?
    Actually I think the currency of the act is related to frequency and not magnitude.

    Hence you would score more virtual "points" if you made lots of small considerate gestures rather than spending a fortune on something that brings a lot of instant gratitude, but your wife becomes used to. I guess a car would fit that category :D
    Value-for-money-for-me-puhleeze!

    "No man is worth, crawling on the earth"- adapted from Bob Crewe and Bob Gaudio

    Hope is not a strategy :D...A child is for life, not just 18 years....Don't get me started on the NHS, because you won't win...I love chaz-ing!
  • valk_scot
    valk_scot Posts: 5,290 Forumite
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    One thing they don't mention in that study is when one partner is the kind and positive type and the other isn't. What happens then?
    Val.
  • System
    System Posts: 178,375 Community Admin
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    valk_scot wrote: »
    One thing they don't mention in that study is when one partner is the kind and positive type and the other isn't. What happens then?
    The kind and positive person gets to a state where they are bogged down and resentful.
    This is a system account and does not represent a real person. To contact the Forum Team email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
  • silvercar
    silvercar Posts: 49,967 Ambassador
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    valk_scot wrote: »
    One thing they don't mention in that study is when one partner is the kind and positive type and the other isn't. What happens then?

    The kindness and positivity rubs off on the other one.
    I'm a Forum Ambassador on the housing, mortgages & student money saving boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Forum Ambassadors are not moderators and don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com (it's not part of my role to deal with this). Any views are mine and not the official line of MoneySavingExpert.com.
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    silvercar wrote: »
    The kindness and positivity rubs off on the other one.


    No - you just 'give up'. and the kindness and positivity becomes resentment. You can keep 'giving' and 'giving' and one day you realise - its like sowing seeds on stony ground. and then something dies in you and you just don't 'give' anymore.
  • Vicky123
    Vicky123 Posts: 3,404 Forumite
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    meritaten wrote: »
    No - you just 'give up'. and the kindness and positivity becomes resentment. You can keep 'giving' and 'giving' and one day you realise - its like sowing seeds on stony ground. and then something dies in you and you just don't 'give' anymore.
    Yes, if it isn't reciprocated eventually it's gone forever, being kind can be the death knell because it can be seen as a pushover and you end up being hated for it,hard to believe if you haven't been through it.
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