How to turn down invites

marisco_2

If your connection with this couple is not strong enough, for you to be completely open and honest with them about your likes and dislikes, then there is no real friendship between you.

It should not cause any offense if you were to say something along the lines of 'We would prefer to meet up with you and dine away from home, as this is our preferred way to socialise'. Either they accept this or they don't.

Tropez

If she has any pets, next time you're over there start talking about your new found interest in taxidermy and repeatedly ensure you are caught looking at her pets with a wanting gaze.

You'll find the invites will dry up pretty quickly.

TBeckett100

Sounds like it's time to knock this friendship on the head

The best way is to arrange a meet at a posh restaurant. You order Foie Gras and vintage champagne and then divide the bill 50/50.

The "lets meet up" conversation will be dead in the water.

I can't understand these "we used to work together" friendships. People need to move on lol. It's like school reunions. If you meant anything to me over the last 40 years, you wouldn't have to deploy MI5 tactics to hunt me down for a reunion

trolleyrun

Just be honest. Tell your friend that as much as you appreciate the invitations, it's not really your "thing" and you prefer to meet for coffee/drinks/dinner in an establishment of some sort. Any decent friend will understand.

It is possible that your friend has watched too many movies/tv series or read too many books that portray friendship and couples meeting all the time as the norm.

getmore4less

curtis122 wrote: »

My friend .......... 'someone I used to work with who stayed in touch' more of a friend

Time for the blokes to go out for a beer and have a "chat"

Do they get on or are they both just hanging on to keep the girls "happy".

curtis122

My husband and her partner don't really have alot in common and only ever meet when we all meet as a couple group. He finds it as awkward as I do to be honest.

I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings but I suppose sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. The problem is also she does not seem to get the hint when you say some things and keep putting dates off.

shiny76

curtis122 wrote: »

The problem is also she does not seem to get the hint when you say some things and keep putting dates off.

In which case...

trolleyrun wrote: »

Just be honest. Tell your friend that as much as you appreciate the invitations, it's not really your "thing" and you prefer to meet for coffee/drinks/dinner in an establishment of some sort. Any decent friend will understand.

Alternatively you are just pandering to her wishes. I appreciate you don't want to hurt their feelings but why should her wishes be of greater priority than that of yours and your OH?

Peter333

trolleyrun wrote: »

Just be honest. Tell your friend that as much as you appreciate the invitations, it's not really your "thing" and you prefer to meet for coffee/drinks/dinner in an establishment of some sort. Any decent friend will understand.

It is possible that your friend has watched too many movies/tv series or read too many books that portray friendship and couples meeting all the time as the norm.

I agree with this. ^^^

Basically, just tell her that 'doing dinner' is not your thing, and your husband isn't keen either, as he is feeling tired and stressed just lately, and a lunchtime coffee at costa or starbucks or whatever would be more preferable. That way, you are not snubbing her or rejecting her, but just making the situation more suitable to you.

I know you're feeling stressed about all this Curtis, but when push comes to shove, she doesn't know that you don't want to do dinner every few weeks, so you need to tell her. But you do need to find a way that won't come across and b1tchy or hurtful. So I think that changing it to coffee at costa would be a good idea.

My wife and me are the same. We like to meet people at the pub or the bowling alley and go to parties etc, but flat out do not like having people around for dinner, and prefer people to not come around at all, unless it's just for a quick half hour visit for a morning coffee. Having a big do, with people coming around of an evening, is stressful, it causes my wife anxiety, and we class our home as our sanctuary, our home, our little nest, and we don't like people 'invading' it, and we would much rather meet people on neutral ground. Apart from there being less stress, you can leave when you want to.

Hope you get this sorted. As I said, you are not the only ones to feel like this, as we also feel this way.

getmore4less

curtis122 wrote: »

My husband and her partner don't really have alot in common and only ever meet when we all meet as a couple group. He finds it as awkward as I do to be honest.

I just don't want to hurt anyones feelings but I suppose sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. The problem is also she does not seem to get the hint when you say some things and keep putting dates off.

Get him to give the bloke a call for a chat.

Blokes tend to get less worked up about this sort of thing.

TBagpuss

Another option would be that instead of waiting for her next invite, you could take the initiative, contact her and invite her to come out with you for a coffee.
If she accepts, then it may be easier for you to say something to her face to face, when you can see her body language etc, and say that while you appreciate her giving the invitations, dinner parties are not really your thing, and that you feel that your respective partners don't have much in common, so you would prefer to just meet up for coffee from time to time.

Also, i would stop making excuses. If she does invite you again, just say "that's kind of you, but dinner parties aren't really our thing. thank you for asking, but no thank you."