9 yr old stealing ! advice please

maypole

You want your child to know you care for him. Don't throw your hands in the air and lose your temper, talk rationally to him, of course tell him it is unacceptable to steal. Make him aware that if he has a problem with anything, he can confide in you.

clutterbunny

We are having a similar problem with our 7 year old DD. I went into blitz her room yesterday and found tones of crisp wrappers and other things I don't buy in very often. I had been blaming DH for snacking when we ran out.
I am at the end of my tether. In reception she stole a toy from school and we made her take it back and apologize, later she stared stealing food. I asked the local police if they could give her a scare but they said "no" they don't do that anymore.
The treat food is all very high up and I didn't think she could reach. I have even put up a picture of a police man and written "I am watching you" on it. I am really worried that she will get worse as she gets older or that this is the beginning signs of a eating problem.
Any suggestions greatfully received.

CB

dee_mum_of_3

Im with mrcow i think- id play it from an emotional point how he has lessened your trust in him and help him appreciate the value of money some years ago I worked in a pub and was paid £4 an hour,my eldest son was smaller and he really missed me(it was a hotel bar and so i worked various shifts)and he wanted a game for his PS1 it was £16 and i told him mummy has to work 4 hours to get that -it got really sad tho my children when seeing how much things were weighed up how long id had to work to afford it,to get back to what im trying to say when u go shopping or buy him things point out how much ten pounds is worth in real life.....but otherwise id say you did everything right and eveyone can make a first mistake,he was honest in telling you too.
Clutterbunny-having worked in nurseries a lot, many children "borrow" toys its inevitable and some (good) mums rush in full of remorse and hand the toy back thinking its just their child other children take stuff to a point you have to ask everyone to check they havent got anything "by mistake" in their pockets before hometime lolol,maybe about the food you could say well seeing as youve eaten all your treats i cant buy anymore until xxxx date its very difficult at 7 because to differentiate between right and wrong takes reasoning skills they may not actually have at that age.

Strawberry_virgin

I started stealing money from my father’s wallet at the age of 10 and this went on for some time. I think he knew this but never said anything to me since I was doing well in school and staying out of trouble on the street. Every time I did this was to buy things my parents did not want to buy for me or to show my friends that I had more money then they did as they often teas me about my dress code or similar saying I was poor and could not afford to buy latest fashion accessories. It all stopped when I was old enough to earn money on my own. I think it is very important you find out why your child is stealing because problem may be something else he is not telling you about i.e may be being bullied in school. I would personally talk to him about it and explain how embarrassing this was for you and how he let you down but don’t threaten him with the police if it happens again. He is probably feeling a little guilty just now and needs to restore your trust more than ever. Getting police involved will probably push you further away from him. Ultimately, sometimes is better to give into their demand but there are ways you can do this without costing you an arm and a leg i.e you can rent latest games from Blockbuster for 7 nights for about £5 and let him play it, the chances are he may be fed up with it and not want it anymore. You can also buy latest games from Play.com much cheaper then in store or even exchange your old ones for new.
And of course, buying him the game and giving it under condition he must never steal from you will act as a reminder of why he got it every time he plays it. Don’t worry about it just yet; it is when he becomes a teenager you have to be more aware especially of his friends.

bestpud

I know it feels awful and if you're anything like I was with my ds, you'll be worrying he'll get worse and end up being locked up etc etc!

However, it's a stage many, many children go through.

Rather than the police station, do you know your local community support officer? You should be able to get his/her number from your local force website. THey will usually come around and have a chat with children if you ask them. They will lay the law doiwn, so to speak, but are perhaps a little less scary than the full thing. Plus, as they will patrol your area, they are the ones your son will see out and about when he is a bit older - useful to get to know them, I think.

nickj_2

make him earn the 40 he needs for his game ,
give him a lsit of jobs he needs to do to earn it
keeping bedroom tidy , etc
he may appreciate the game more if he's earned it

Poppy9

I think this is just a phase all children go through. Some feel guilty and own up and others keep quiet.

When DD wa in Y5 she was over a friends house who was in Y6. They went on an errand for the girls mother to the shops with a £10. Outside one shop they saw a basket of balls. The friend said "shall we buy one?", DD said "won't your mum shout if you spend her money?". Anyway the girl took the ball into the shop and asked how much it was (£2.50) and she decided not to buy and carried it to put it back in the basket on the way out. Only she didn't she kept hold and carried on walking. DD was horrified and didn't know what to do. When she came home that evening after about 30 minutes she told us. We are good friends with the other girls parents and my OH is a police officer and he knows that young children have to have the fear of God put into them as he's had to deal with young children stealing from shops in town. The girl was made to go back to the shop, confess and pay from her pocket money. We thought DD should pay 1/2 as she had been there and not stopped it happening. In the end DD put £2 in a charity box from her pocket money. OH wiped the floor with her and we thought this would be the first and last time.:rolleyes:

Roll forward a few months and after a long day of working, taking DD and friends to drama rehearsal and helping out with the children I arrived home at 9.30pm. I had to get DD bag ready as the show was the next day and I said she should take her school bag as it was big. She didn't object but when I went to empty it there was a children's make up set in there I didn't recognise (brand new in packaging). I asked her where it had come from and at first she said she didn't know. I gave her a final chance to tell me and she tearfully told me that she had taken it from the box of fete stuff at school. She wasn't very forthcoming about how it had happened or why but she said that 3 other girls had taken stuff too. Again I was very friendly with one of the girls mother and co-incidentally she had told me few week previous that if her DD ever did something wrong she would hope that I would tell her (I knew something about another girl in the school but I hadn't told the mother who found out from someone else). So I picked up the phone and told her. She then went to speak to her DD and rang me back to tell me what had happened. Her DD said that one of the girls had stolen earlier in the day with 4 other girls and had made my DD and her 3 friends take something too. She had told them if they didn't she would make the whole class hate them.

My DD was sobbing in bed while I was on the phone so I went up to talk to her. I asked her again to tell me what had happened and she came up with the same story as her friend. I asked her why she thought this girl could make the whole class hate her and she said "well she has done it to Jenny (another girl in the class)". I asked what she meant and it turned out that she had forbidden people to talk to Jenny, made fun of her hair, weight, clothes etc. I didn't think it excused my DD behaviour as she should have told us straight away. Her punishment was to have her favourite teddy taken away for a week with the promise of if it happened again permanent loss of bear plus no pocket money for a month. I also went to see the school head, even though the theft happened after school (there was a club there) it was still on his premises and I knew he could scare her again!! I told him the full story and 3 other parents turned up with some other stuff that they had found.

He was shocked as the second group of thieves were not girls he would have guessed would do this. He knew the bully would though!! He did call the girls in and give them a good telling off - they were all in tears.

My OH was furious with DD for being so weak and said if she didn't wise up she would be shoplifting in town because she was influenced by a friend. He told her she would be arrested and put in the cells for a few hours and would then have a criminal record even if she just had a caution it would be on her record. He told her she then would have to declare this when she wanted to go to Uni to do certain courses and to employers. He really laid it on thick.;)

Will she do it again? I hope not but peer pressure is a dreadful thing.