9 yr old stealing ! advice please

emmaBZ

hi all im a bit stuck what to do...i was at my parents with ds ( 9 ) and they asked me to write out a cheque for them and gave me the £10....i put it on the table just under laptop i was working on....as i went to leave i thought id better pick up that £10 but it was gone we searched under table ect and thought maybe one of dogs picked it up ....anyway i got home ds ran upstairs and into his bedroom ( unusual ) and i heard him shutting a drawer....i went in to put clothes away and started to open drawer and folding clothes when he was hanging around ....looking shifty...when he said " ok mummy i admit it i took the £10 " and there it was in his drawer....i have no doubt he wouldnt have said anything if he hadnt been about to get caught out....im gutted....i had to call parents and tell them as hes supposed to be staying there tommorow night.... im half tempted to take him to police station so they can have a chat with him.....but am unsure if thats a good idea...any advice welcome hes obviously been grounded and has his ps2 taken of him.... but this is serious to me...

Timmne

You need to scare him in a major way - I think you're right with a quick trip to the police station (with a quick phone call to let them know you're on your way first mind!) - kids tend to really respect police (sadly not all do though) and a bobby telling him off might just change him for good!

Another thing you could do is get even - steal all of his things and see how he likes it!

lynzpower

did you ask him what he stole the money for?

emmaBZ

because he wanted to buy a game !!! was his reply.....he didask me to buy him a game but as we only been back from holiday a week or so i told him no.....especially as the one he wants is £40...and i dont think it matters why he did it but that he did do it if you see what i mean

lynzpower

emmaBZ wrote: »

because he wanted to buy a game !!! was his reply.....he didask me to buy him a game but as we only been back from holiday a week or so i told him no.....especially as the one he wants is £40...and i dont think it matters why he did it but that he did do it if you see what i mean

No I know, I agree.

my sister got into a stage of stealing tho from paretns when she was around this age. After asking it was because she was using the stiolen money to buy treats for freinds, she was so desperate to be liked, and also came out there had been som bullying going on. my parents waded in feet first and gave her a rollocking as well- but this approach had missed the fac that she was being bullied etc.

mrcow

Personally I've think you've been hard enough.

He knows what he did is wrong and also now has the humiliation of his Grandparents knowing. Let him apologise and trust him in that he won't do it again.

If he does.....then that's a different matter.

ka7e

At 9, I doubt if he had thought through the consequences of taking the money (boys that age often lack that sort of reasoning!). It was probably a spur-of-the-moment thing and he obviously felt guilty enough to own up before you discovered it in his drawer.
If he is sufficiently remorseful and apologises, I wouldn't frighten him further with the Police. I'm sure you've let him know how disappointed you are with his dishonesty and you could impose some sort of monetary punishment (he forfeits £10 pocket money?).
Then let it drop. Treat it more as an error of judgement and don't worry that he's going to make a habit of it.

StartingAgainKayla70

My son who was 7 at the time did it in homebase asked for a xmas decoration chocolate and I said no, next minute I saw him put it in his pocket.

I asked what he had he said nothing, so I said show me your pockets and he said as he was pulling it out, sorry!

So I said right no good saying sorry to me, so I found the manager of the shop and told him what my son had did and the manager spoke to him and I believe it did the trick as my son was crying and was saying sorry.

The humiliation of it did it I think!

I think a poster has already mentioned this but get your son to stand in from of his grand parents and say sorry.

Savvy_Sue

Is there a way he could earn the money to buy that game? I don't believe in paying for everything I want done around the house, but if I want a lot of cleaning done in a hurry I will pay the lads to do it. Also if they help out in the garden and work hard while they're doing it. I wouldn't expect his grandparents to pay him, but hopefully they will have some little jobs for him as well!

Alikay

DS1 was a year or so older when he did a similar thing - nicked some chrome wheel-nut covers off a BMW round the corner. He was caught red-handed and the owner phoned us (luckily DS was honest about his name & number!).

We made him go round with DH later and apologise fully, and offer to sweep the drive or some chores to make up for it (they declined). What seemed to do the trick was forcing him to empathise "how would you feel if someone nicked something off your bike?" etc. He got quite tearful at this stage -maybe at 9 or 10 they don't automatically think that way!

Anyway, he didn't do it again, and stopped hanging out with the lad he'd done it with (a proper little toe-rag!). I'm sure your son will be as shocked and disappointed with himself as you are!

emjem_3

Did you acknowedge the fact that he (eventually, on the point of being caught!) admitted to it?
I would say something along the lines of..."It's good that you have admitted to doing this but can you tell me why taking the money was a bad thing?"
Then get him to understand that his actions have consequences i.e. that you're upset, he has to apologise, face a punishment etc. I would then say that if it ever happened again you would take him straight to the police station!
I can remember me doing something like this a long time ago - only the once though!