relationship advice for please

Sabrina237

Hey everyone. Sorry but I just need to vent. We have just got back from a workmates evening do. We started off having a great night and my OH slowly got more and more distant. I thought it was because I had a shandy and a couple of roll ups which i haven't done that in ages as am 37 weeks pregnant. Everyone turned up from work an hour or two later but as I didn't get much of a send off after starting my maternity leave there weren't many people I wanted to talk to. My OH was very distant and although I tried to keep up with him chasing after our two year old I didn't have energy to keep

System

Can you think if there is anything on his mind? That maybe he ended up thinking about hence why he was distant?

Did he want to go to this do? Could he just not have been in the mood for it?

Do you think its anything to do with you having a shandy and a few rolls ups? Has he ever said anything before about you smoking/having a drink whilst pregnant?

Trying to think of reasons, but you probably know him best.

Sabrina237

Up. I suggested we head off as our son wad rubbing his eyes and we headed off. He went to the loo and I said in the car what have I done and he said you don't speak to many people. I felt so embarrassed and like a loser but just have nothing to speak to these people about. Should I mle more effort to make friends as I feel so lonely. Yet at the same time happy in my bubble. Its his birthday in a couple of hours and I really can't face him

System

Seems strange for him to comment on you not speaking to many people, did he know any of the people and make any effort to speak to them himself? If you feel lonely and unhappy, then its up to you if you wanted to get to know more people, but you shouldnt feel you have to force yourself on account of your OH.

Sabrina237

Thanks for replying. It was petty really but I just thought we were having a nice night and then he came out with that. He knows everyone but expected me to be wondering round talking to everyone.

Sabrina237

I didnt want to keep leaving him on his own but am more wottied about what to do in thw morning. Having to pretend everything is alright. Should i be nice just for his birthday?

Poppy9

Did you take your young child to the evening do so you wouldn't have to mix with workmates. Was your OH embarrassed that you were the only work colleagues to turn up with a young child in tow and he felt out of place? Did he spend his night chasing your child because you made no effort to talk to people and introduce him.

I don't wish to upset you but it's his birthday so make an effort. I know you might feel you have little in common with your work mates at present and may feel isolated and lonely from adult company, and hence not know what to say to them but it will help if you can go to M&T groups so you can talk about something other than your child/pregnancy to your OH. Perhaps he longs for more adult conversations at time.

If you have never enjoyed socialising much but your OH does encourage him to have a hobby that he can interact with others.

Sabrina237

No it was child friendly. Wanted to share responsibility of looking after our toddler with him but then he said that and felt confused as I thought he would have wanted me to sit with him not keep wondering off. Dnt normally get much time alone tbj so wanted to make the.most of it. Just feel guilty coz he works full time and has a demanding job so constants. Getting mixed messages. Will try mother and baby group though thanks

*max*

Why would you even bring a 2 year old to a "workmate's evening do"? Really, why? Either you find someone to babysit, or you don't go.

I understand wanting to socialise, but when it also means "letting your hair down", as in an adult party with lots of drinks involved, little kids have no place there. I know you're doing it for him - as seems to be the gist of your post - but really. A proper man/woman will understand you have to put the kids first.

Poppy9

He is probably stressed too if he's working hard, second child on the way and perhaps he hoped you would make his relaxing easier by being the social one because he didn't feel up to it. His comment might have been his way of saying "I feel I have to do everything" because he's tired etc.

So spoil him on his birthday. Tell him to have a lie in and you and your toddler will bring him breakfast in bed. Then maybe make a picnic for later and the 3 of you can go to the park for an hour or so to blow off cobwebs. Have fun, eat ice-cream, forget life stresses for a short while.

If family want to visit for his birthday, ask him how long he wants them to come for and you tell them you have plans for the evening as it's will be your last chance to have a quiet evening together for a while.

Sabrina237

Why? Because the invitation had all our names and lots of people had their children. My parents ate having him tomorrow and don't want to take the mick by asking them two days in a row