Can someone advise if possible?

Flossie.

Sorry if this is the wrong board.

My neighbour died a few days ago. (He was 78.) He and his wife moved into a bungalow nearby 18 months ago, and after six months, he went into a home, as he was very poorly (with parkinsons.)

We say hello to his wife when we see her and pass the time of day, but have not been 'friends' or anything. They have 3 adult children who live nearby, and 6 adult grandchildren, and there's someone there every day.

The eldest daughter called me over the other day and told me he had died, and she tapped on 4 or 5 other doors, and told them too. I said let me know when the funeral is. She said she would.

Yesterday the old lady shouted out of the window at me that the funeral is Tuesday next week, and I stopped and chatted to her for five minutes and said I was sorry to hear about her husband, and that if she needed anything, to just let me know.

Thing is, I haven't been to to funeral of anyone who I am not related to, for about 15 years, and I was wondering about the etiquette when it comes to flowers. Should me and my husband get flowers? Or should we just turn up at the Church at 2pm on Tuesday and then leave it at that? My friend says that it's only family and people very close to them who buy flowers.

What should we do? I feel a bit at a loss. I am pretty sure that we never got flowers for the last neighbour who died (back in 2000.)

Sorry to sound thick.

I have looked at a few websites, but keep getting conflicting advice.

Buzzybee90

Flossie. wrote: »

Sorry if this is the wrong board.

My neighbour died a few days ago. (He was 78.) He and his wife moved into a bungalow nearby 18 months ago, and after six months, he went into a home, as he was very poorly (with parkinsons.)

We say hello to his wife when we see her and pass the time of day, but have not been 'friends' or anything. They have 3 adult children who live nearby, and 6 adult grandchildren, and there's someone there every day.

The eldest daughter called me over the other day and told me he had died, and she tapped on 4 or 5 other doors, and told them too. I said let me know when the funeral is. She said she would.

Yesterday the old lady shouted out of the window at me that the funeral is Tuesday next week, and I stopped and chatted to her for five minutes and said I was sorry to hear about her husband, and that if she needed anything, to just let me know.

Thing is, I haven't been to to funeral of anyone who I am not related to, for about 15 years, and I was wondering about the etiquette when it comes to flowers. Should me and my husband get flowers? Or should we just turn up at the Church at 2pm on Tuesday and then leave it at that? My friend says that it's only family and people very close to them who buy flowers.

What should we do? I feel a bit at a loss. I am pretty sure that we never got flowers for the last neighbour who died (back in 2000.)

Sorry to sound thick.

I have looked at a few websites, but keep getting conflicting advice.

People usually say family flowers only - consider a donation to a Parkinson charity instead?

tea_lover

I wouldn't take flowers personally. I think it's a lovely gesture that you're going, and I'm sure your neighbour will appreciate it.

Maybe you could drop a card round after the funeral has happened, saying again that if there's anything you can help with to let you know (if you mean that, of course!)

Initial support can often drop off after the funeral has taken place and it may be nice for her to know you're there if she needs you.

Torry_Quine

It's very usual these days for flowers to be from family only and then donations are made to a charity in lieu from others. If there is a notice in the local paper it should say or could you ask her.

Flossie.

Ah-ha, so does that mean my friend was correct?

We have already sent a card BTW. The day after he died. (A sympathy one obviously.) Is that what you meant tealover?

She said yesterday that it was the first one she got, and that she was 'very chuffed to get it.'

fairy_lights

I wouldn't buy flowers, if you look at the funeral announcements bit of your local paper you will probably see that a lot of them specifically request family flowers only.
It might be a nice gesture to send flowers to the widows home though.
Just turn up at the church and leave afterwards, or if there is something going on afterwards that guests are invited to, I'm sure someone will tell you.
Don't worry about etiquette too much, just turning up shows that you care, and I'm sure the family will appreciate it.

Flossie.

fairy_lights wrote: »

I wouldn't buy flowers, if you look at the funeral announcements bit of your local paper you will probably see that a lot of them specifically request family flowers only.
It might be a nice gesture to send flowers to the widows home though.
Just turn up at the church and leave afterwards, or if there is something going on afterwards that guests are invited to, I'm sure someone will tell you.
Don't worry about etiquette too much, just turning up shows that you care, and I'm sure the family will appreciate it.

Awww thank you.

Yes we will go to the wake of course, if we are invited. But won't be offended if we're not, as we are just a neighbour, and as I said, although we get on fine, we are not 'buddy-buddy' close. The lady always knows we are there if she needs us and we chat at least once a week for a few minutes, but we don't 'socialise.'

Also, there will probably be about 20 family members or more, so the house may be too small for anyone not related.

Lily-Rose_3

Agree with the others on here. Most people do say 'family flowers only.' Maybe you could donate to a Parkinsons charity - as someone suggested.

As people have said; it's lovely of you to go, and to even think about sending flowers. And you do sound like a great neighbour; there if you are needed, but not overly intrusive.

Hope the funeral goes well.

Mojisola

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Agree with the others on here. Most people do say 'family flowers only.' Maybe you could donate to a Parkinsons charity - as someone suggested.

There's often a collection at the funeral for a specific charity.

4nnabella

I recently went to the funeral of a neighbour of my parents (I've known him since I was 5, am now mid-30s). I sent a card to his wife, and at the funeral they said donations were welcome to a local heart charity (he died of a massive heart attack), so I donated some money (there was a collection box in the room at the crematorium by the door). Otherwise, it was family flowers only.

The order of service also had details on of where the wake was being held for those who were able/wanted to attend.

Flossie.

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Agree with the others on here. Most people do say 'family flowers only.' Maybe you could donate to a Parkinsons charity - as someone suggested.

As people have said; it's lovely of you to go, and to even think about sending flowers. And you do sound like a great neighbour; there if you are needed, but not overly intrusive.

Hope the funeral goes well.

Thank you Lily-Rose! That's nice to hear.

And yes I am sure the funeral will go well.

Looks like we won't send flowers then. We will donate to the charity of their request though.

Thanks to everyone else too, for all your advice.