I'm going to propose

LilElvis

People have different definitions of what constitutes cheating - for some flirting is going too far, whilst others might accept anything up to sex. Just because your partner doesn't think what he has done is a big deal doesn't mean that you should feel the same. You need to spell it out to him what behaviour you consider acceptable whilst in a relationship and make it clear that it will be over if he crosses that line. If he wants to continue flirting and acting in a way you find disrespectful then he should be man enough to walk away.

marisco_2

Nice bit of deflection on your fiances part there. You both clearly have very different views on what is and isn't an acceptable approach to a relationship. Stay with him and you are signing up to always feeling as you do now. Don't you deserve better than that!

McCloud1

...............

Just_a_Girl_2

McCloud1 wrote: »

When you say he's making you feel paranoid, can I ask what his explanation was?

It is possible he's had some homosexual fantasies/feelings, but I don't think that is particularly uncommon, even amongst straight men. It's just few would ever admit it.

OP and fianc! are both male

McCloud1

Just_a_Girl wrote: »

OP and fianc! are both male

Thanks! Missed that.

I'll edit out my other post.

I was going down the line of 'he could just be curious, but not seriously going for it!'.

Best of luck OP.

supermassive

Just_a_Girl wrote: »

OP and fianc! are both male

His (now removed) post is my feeling about the straight guy he's practically throwing himself at. What if it happens?

On another, more disturbing note, since the day they met, he's been having quite loud erotic dreams and they tend to end with a moan and a gulp all in his sleep. I'm usually awoken by his moaning and writhing, but haven't told him. I just sit there in the dark and cry quietly pretending I'm sleeping.

He did this once before, but says it was "before we were together", which... I don't have a seperate time between 'seeing' eachother and 'being with' eachother. It's silly.

He stopped though, but only when he knew he'd been caught out.

I recently got the internet installed at home and I think this is where the problem stems from, is that he's got too much access to temptation, and that I'm not enough for him.

I love him so much, I didn't have a way to respond when I read the messages, I started kind of wondering around in sudden restlessness, panic and shock. I was lifting my arms to do something but felt entirely helpless, like someone had died. So I screamed and screamed until my throat was too painful to scream anymore, then I sat and stared at the life we've built together.

I don't want to break up with him, I just want him to understand that doing things like this hurts me more than he can imagine. More than anyone can imagine. I've been cheated on before, and that one denied it for months until one drunken night when he spitefully snarled the truth. That night ended with a huge fight in a backpacker's hostel, him with a knife and me with his blood on my shirt. That's not something I've ever been like before and don't ever wish to be like again... but that's the only time I've had these ridiculous, indescribable feelings.

It's all I can think about. I'm distracted at work, I don't want to say much to him at home..

This is the worst way I could've ever imagined this going.

TBeckett100

Sorry to say that swapping pictures of a sexual nature with someone else is not a recipe I would follow for a happy marriage, even if Mary Berry was baking it naked and visibly excited with a kitchen aid.

I'm afraid that boyfriend is still got his rod in the lake and isn't ready to pack up his tackle and go home with you just yet.

Only marry if you can afford the divorce.

Pollycat

supermassive wrote: »

He said he has a crush on him, but he's straight so nothing would happen and he'd never cheat. He's making me feel like some super-paranoid idiot for even thinking it's an issue to do that. I honestly don't have any idea what I can do without breaking down.

Sorry to hear about what happened after the proposal.

You mentioned photos being exchanged by both parties - are they explicit photos or just snaps?

If explicit, I would be seriously questioning why my partner felt it necessary - AND thought it appropriate - to do this.

Are you 100% sure that the other guy is 100% straight?

Just wondering why a straight guy would flirt with a gay guy......

Personally I don't think you are over-reacting at all and I do think he's being disrespectful to you.

supermassive wrote: »

He said he has a crush on him, but he's straight so nothing would happen and he'd never cheat. He's making me feel like some super-paranoid idiot for even thinking it's an issue to do that. I honestly don't have any idea what I can do without breaking down.

"He has a crush on him"?
Jeez! How old is he? Does he have no concept of fidelity?

For your partner to say he has a crush on this guy but nothing would happen because he's straight is wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Doesn't that sound like to you that if the guy wasn't straight, then something might well happen?

He's done the classic thing of trying to make you feel you are in the wrong.
You aren't.

Good luck with this situation.