Help/advice for BIL/Niece

gettingtheresometime

I'd cancel the credit card asap as well as the cash card....but I would also be honest with her and tell her what I've done so at least she not embarrassed at the till

TBagpuss

The best thing he can do is get some proper, professional advice sooner rather than later.

One option may be to see whether his wife is willing to try mediation, or collaborative family law, both of which are ways of trying to reach agreements about how to sort out both financial issues and issues around the child.

In terms of arrangements for their daughter, they both need to try to focus on what will be best for her - in the short term, this may well be to try to keep her routine as close to what she is used to as possible. SO if you / your family normally provide child care, continue to do so. If your BIL works shift then this does make child care more complex for him. He has the right to ask his employer for flexible working but

The fact that your SIL is the mother doesn't mean that she is presumed to be the main carer, but the fact that she works 9-5 and your BIL works shifts (particularly if this includes lates or overnights) may mean that it is much more practical for your niece to live primarily with her mum (if, for instance, it means that she'll be able to sleep in her own home every night)

Your BIL needs to bear in mind that the issue of who is to blame for the breakdown of the marriage is not relevant to the issue of where your niece should live.

And you and your extended family may wish to bear in mind that if you continue to support your niece and both of her parents by maintaining the same level of child care you have provided until now, you are far more likely to ensure a good ongoing relationship with your niece in the future, and if things do end up in court then your BIL will be able to show that he has a solid support system who are able put the child's needs ahead of choosing sides. It certainly won't hurt his position, and it may be very helpful for your niece.