Am I jealous?

Missxc

I don't usually think of myself as jealous, I don't stop the OH talking to other women and don't stop him spending time with friends instead of me, but a few things lately have made me think I'm jealous of other people's realtionships and friendships.

For example, one of my closest friends moved away, and we made plans for her to come and stay with me for a weekend. She cancelled, but is still coming down this way but to visit other friends. This has left me annoyed and wondering why I'm not good enough for her to visit.

The OH and I have been together 8years but only just moved in together. We are very happy in our little house bubble. But one of his close friends and his OH have also moved in together recently, and they haven't been together half as long as we have and they are an unstable couple. When they post on FB about their 'flat' I feel frustrated and don't even bother to 'like' or 'comment'.

I hate feeling frustrated and not wanting to take an interest in other people's lives, so maybe I am jealous??

McKneff

Your friend possibly cancelled on you because of the particular weekend something she couldn't get out of happened. Just re arrange.


I don't really understand your second comment to be honest.
What do they have that you could be jealous of. More the other way round surely.
They are probably commenting on their 'flat' because it is all new and exciting for them.

bagpussbear

Neither of your examples sound like jealousy.

Your first example of your friend visiting, sounds like irritation, and I can understand that. But don't let it get you down, make arrangements for another weekend. Could be she didn't want to squeeze you in around others, and would prefer to see you for longer hence cancelling this particular time?

Your second example is a little unclear. Other than you feel like this couple got together/bought a flat much quicker than you did, so is that frustration at your own relationship, rather than theirs?

I would hazard a guess that you are at stage in your life where you are evaluating friendships, relationships with others and perhaps finding you are the one that is investing, more than others invest in you?

Indie_Kid

Each person's relationship is completely different. No point comparing yours with others.

raven83

Missxc wrote: »

I don't usually think of myself as jealous, I don't stop the OH talking to other women and don't stop him spending time with friends instead of me, but a few things lately have made me think I'm jealous of other people's realtionships and friendships.

For example, one of my closest friends moved away, and we made plans for her to come and stay with me for a weekend. She cancelled, but is still coming down this way but to visit other friends. This has left me annoyed and wondering why I'm not good enough for her to visit.

The OH and I have been together 8years but only just moved in together. We are very happy in our little house bubble. But one of his close friends and his OH have also moved in together recently, and they haven't been together half as long as we have and they are an unstable couple. When they post on FB about their 'flat' I feel frustrated and don't even bother to 'like' or 'comment'.

I hate feeling frustrated and not wanting to take an interest in other people's lives, so maybe I am jealous??

I often feel "envious" when I look on Fake Book, but what you got to remember is most of it is contrived and people often aren't as "perfect" as they make out. In fact, the ones that shout the loudest are usually the ones least happy.

SavingPennies_2

First example, no that's not being jealous, I think its understandable you're hurt.


Second example, well the fact that you mention your "house" but refer to their " 'flat' " sounds like a little put down, and they haven't done anything to upset you, so yes you do sound a bit jealous.


I think we all feel a little envious at times, but facebook makes it worse as your constantly comparing yourself to others - the quickest route to dissatisfaction! I also think the more unhappy with yourself the more likely you are to be jealous. Solution - spend less time on facebook and focus on your own happiness.

bigmomma051204

I totally "get" both examples!

It took myself and hubby a LONG time to be able to buy a small house etc...Oh and don't get me started on the trying to conceive (ongoing)!! I have friends who literally meet a new chap, go out for a few months then get married, buy a big old house and then pop out as many sprogs as they fancy.

So yes, I get it. And I don't their posts on FB either lol... if I do, I am secretly "grrrr-ing" to myself!

Although I do second people's comments that Facebook should be renamed "Extreme ends of spectrum" book. Because generally, people only post about the A) Really exciting and wonderful stuff they get up to or that they have been cheated on or broken up or are having a terrible time.
Not many post their everyday boring stuff lol!

barbarawright

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I totally "get" both examples!

It took myself and hubby a LONG time to be able to buy a small house etc...Oh and don't get me started on the trying to conceive (ongoing)!! I have friends who literally meet a new chap, go out for a few months then get married, buy a big old house and then pop out as many sprogs as they fancy.

So yes, I get it. And I don't their posts on FB either lol... if I do, I am secretly "grrrr-ing" to myself!

Although I do second people's comments that Facebook should be renamed "Extreme ends of spectrum" book. Because generally, people only post about the A) Really exciting and wonderful stuff they get up to or that they have been cheated on or broken up or are having a terrible time.
Not many post their everyday boring stuff lol!

I post about normal stuff. I'm about to watch Downton while FBing with various online friends and often just post about what film I'm watching or book I'm reading which leads to much more interesting conversations than if I posted about personal angst. And most of my friends are the same

bigmomma051204

That's good news, Barbara :T

bigmomma051204

Meant to say, OP... You might want to change your profile pic on this site when posting about things like this - Your friends might recognise you and resent the jealousy Your photo is VERY clear ...

marywooyeah

I can see why you feel the way you do re your friend not visiting, I would say you possibly feel jealous of the other people she is visiting, but it may just be a time constraint that she can't "get round to" everyone in the weekend.

Have you tried arranging an alternative meet up with her for when she has more time?

As for the other couple, I think you resent the fact that they seem to be at the same point in their relationship as you and your OH despite being a new couple, rather than being jealous of them.

You've said yourself that they're unstable, I'd sit back and see how long it takes for them to have a bust up and see how long they stay cohabiting.

If seeing the statuses on FB bothers you, you can "unfollow" them so you will still be friends but you won't see their statuses.