I can't afford to pay mortgage and CSA for ex wife.

Hello,

I am in dire straits and I am not far from losing the plot :-( My wife and I separated almost a year ago, we have two young children and a house. I pay the required CSA as well as the mortgage but I can't afford to rent a place for myself and food.

The house and mortgage are in my name, I pay it in full. My ex wife will not pay towards the mortgage nor will she move out of the house because of the children which I get and understand but I can't afford it all any more and may end up not being able to pay for it all. She is combative when ever I broach the subject and does not want to understand the situation. I can't force a sale in anyway but she cant take on the mortgage as she does not earn enough and the equity is to low for her to re house herself.

She has changed the locks to the house and I believe she may even co-habit but I can not prove this as the house is far from where i work and currently stay. I can't afford to go to court but she wont agree anything through mediation, she is amendment I should continue to pay for her to live there and the csa for decades until one day handing the whole house over to her claiming no equity.

What can I do bar going to court? CSA wont adjust my payments as the house is solely in my name therefor financially benefitial to me but it wont be as ill end up losing it. Also in 2 years from now I owe the housing company who built the place 20% of it, I'm going further and further under so there's no way I could do this.

I just want to have this stress over and rent a place of my own where my children can come to stay.

Please is there anyone who has been through this and come out the other side? or any one who knows what to do.

Thanks, J
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Comments

  • dancingfairy
    dancingfairy Posts: 9,069 Forumite
    I would say you need legal advice. Do you have any cover through work or on your home insurance or through your mortgage which you could use? (I'm assuming you can't afford to pay for any at the moment). Do you have a CAB who might be able to point you in the direction of some basic legal advice?
    With regards to the debts then you can get help from National Debtline, Stepchange or your local CAB.
    Hope you find someone to guide you through things.
    df
    Making my money go further with MSE :j
    How much can I save in 2012 challenge
    75/1200 :eek:
  • theoretica
    theoretica Posts: 12,237
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    What would happen if you stopped paying the mortgage? It would wreck your credit rating, but of more concern to me would be if you would still owe another 20% of the house even after potential reposession.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
  • whitewing
    whitewing Posts: 11,852
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    Where are you living now?

    Does your employer have a confidential helpline where you can get support and talk this through?

    Do you see the children at the moment?
    :heartsmil When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
  • lushplus4
    lushplus4 Posts: 289
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    I know that she is not allowed to change the locks without giving you a key, therefore in theory you could move back in or at least threaten to and this may force her to be more agreeable.
  • I have taken some legal advice already but it cost so much to continue with it. A big issue here is that my ex wont take advice from a solicitor so is slowing the whole process down. I can never get a straight answer from solicitors but this really is due to the fact there isn't one. I think my ex is trying to prolong an eventual court settlement knowing full well it would take me a long time to afford it therefore getting as much out of me as she can.

    If the house got repossessed I guess the 20% would be returned some how. Ive called my mortgage provider but they also didn't provide a straight answer. I might try an email to them instead.

    Thankfully my employer provides me with a small single person room but this will not last much longer hence me panicking. I see the children twice a month, I have to borrow a car (fuel is cheaper than public transport in this case) and get a hostel room for the night but sometimes I will be on my way up or even up there when she cancels on me.

    Is it illegal to break into my own house or have the locks changed again? thing is I wouldn't want to scare the children in any way by doing this or stopping her from accessing the house as they need her too.
  • TBagpuss
    TBagpuss Posts: 11,198
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    A court can order that the house be sold, and if your wife refuses to cooperate then she can be ordered to leave in order for you to market the property.

    DO NOT break in or try to change the locks. While you are legally entitled to have access because the property is yours, trying to force the issue could very easily result in your being hit with allegations of harassment, and potentially an injunction, as well as, as you say, upsetting the children.

    If your wife is not cooperating then it may be sensible for you to move to court proceedings. Have either of you started divorce proceedings yet?

    If not, do that (as you can't use the courts to sort out the house until you have divorce proceedings)

    You can download a divorce petition and explanatory leaflet here http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/HMCTS/GetForm.do?court_forms_id=1115, (or collect paper copies from your local County Court)

    In the mean time, refer yourself for mediation.The costs of the mediation may be covered by Legal Aid for you or your wife or both of you, depending on your incomes, so make sure that you find a mediator who offers legally aided mediation. You can find mediators here http://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/.

    You are expected to have tried mediation before applying for court, and will need to get the mediator to complete a MIAM form if the mediation is not sucessful (or if your wife doesn't respond) so you can prove to the court you tried.

    If that happens, you then apply to the court using Form A (http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/HMCTS/GetForm.do?court_forms_id=2655)

    You are not required to have a solicitor and you may be able to complete the forms yourself, and perhaps instruct a solicitor to give you additional advice.

    In the mean time, what I would suggest that ypu do is draw up a list of your income and outgoings, and let your wife have a copy.

    Set out to her in writing that you cannot (not will not) afford to pay the mortgage as well as child support and that unless she is able to start to pay the mortgage, the house will have to be sold. State that you are happy to consider any reasonable proposals which would allow her and the children to staying the house, but that it will simply not be possible for you to pay at the level you are paying.

    Ask your mortgage lender to let you know the current redemption figure for the mortgage, and look at rigtmove, zoopla etc. to see what the house is likely to be worth, so you can then work out hat would be left if the house were to be sold,and the mortgage and 20% repaid. This might allow you to make specific proposals to your wife (e.g. that the house is sold, and she has the equity (or a proportion of it, depending on the figures) to allow her to pay (say) deposit and 6 months rent up front on a rented property.

    Also ask your lender whether it would be possible to have a payment holiday while you work through the divorce.

    I would suggest that you do go to see a solicitor. To get the most out of the advice, prepare a summary before you go of your financial position - vlaue of the house, redemption figure for the mortgage and loan, amounts of any other debts and of any assets (savings, pension etc) details of you income, and a breakdown of your income and outgoings.

    As far as you can, do the same for your wife's details-if you know what she earn, what other income she has (benefits or tax credits, maintenance from you, etc)

    This will allow the solicitor to give you some advice about options.

    Please not that this level of detailed advice is not usually going to be available at a free initial consult - those tend to be more for general advice and for you to get to know the solicitor to decide if you want to use them - however, paying for 30-60 minutes now to get things straight in your mind is likely to pay dividends.

    Meanwhile, head over to Wikivorce where you can find further expert advice.

    Good luck.
    All posts are my personal opinion, not formal advice Always get proper, professional advice (particularly about anything legal!)
  • Thanks for all the reply's and advice. I will have to fill out a form E and so will my ex then hopefully another mediation session will change her mind but otherwise I guess ill have to ride the storm until I can go to court.

    thanks, J
  • 19lottie82
    19lottie82 Posts: 6,027
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    Move back in? This might persuade her to come to an amicable arrangement with you in regards to the house.
  • RAS
    RAS Posts: 32,477
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    Hi

    Check out wikidivorce and Familes Needs Fathers.
    The person who has not made a mistake, has made nothing
  • bagz_2
    bagz_2 Posts: 26
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    jack114 wrote: »
    Hello,

    I am in dire straits and I am not far from losing the plot :-( My wife and I separated almost a year ago, we have two young children and a house. I pay the required CSA as well as the mortgage but I can't afford to rent a place for myself and food.

    The house and mortgage are in my name, I pay it in full. My ex wife will not pay towards the mortgage nor will she move out of the house because of the children which I get and understand but I can't afford it all any more and may end up not being able to pay for it all. She is combative when ever I broach the subject and does not want to understand the situation. I can't force a sale in anyway but she cant take on the mortgage as she does not earn enough and the equity is to low for her to re house herself.

    She has changed the locks to the house and I believe she may even co-habit but I can not prove this as the house is far from where i work and currently stay. I can't afford to go to court but she wont agree anything through mediation, she is amendment I should continue to pay for her to live there and the csa for decades until one day handing the whole house over to her claiming no equity.

    What can I do bar going to court? CSA wont adjust my payments as the house is solely in my name therefor financially benefitial to me but it wont be as ill end up losing it. Also in 2 years from now I owe the housing company who built the place 20% of it, I'm going further and further under so there's no way I could do this.

    I just want to have this stress over and rent a place of my own where my children can come to stay.

    Please is there anyone who has been through this and come out the other side? or any one who knows what to do.

    Thanks, J

    Out of interest, how would you end up handing the house over??
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