Private nursing?

soolin

Apologies if this makes no sense I'm trying to use my phone with poor connection.

Is there such a thing as private carer agencies and if do how do I access one In an emergency.

My mother is dying and is now very poorly but I can't get help. The hospice is full , the district nurses visit briefly every day but don't consider her ill 'enough' to warrant more care. Mum us now bedridden , she can't eat or drink and she can't walk. My duster had to carry her to the toilet last night.

I've phoned everywhere trying to get help, but basically am being told that the family cover the caring or we give up and call an ambulance , but they warn the hospital is the wrong place as she won't get are there either.

I said I'd pay for a private nursing home but apparently I can't even do that as social services need to assess and they do t work weekends for this dory of thing.

I just don't know what to do mum secs help but I can't get it.

tanith

Have you asked her GP for advice , they must be able to help I'm sure.

elsien

Phone the social services duty team, they operate out of hours. They won't come out but they can give you information and a list of agencies and care homes to contact,
who has told you that social services need to assess? I thought they only did that if they were paying, Tell them your mum is bedridden and its not safe to leave her, and that you're being given the runaround
If all else fails and you're desperate, call the ambulance. At least in hospital there's someone there all the time to monitor, help with hydration and help with pads or using a bedpan. the hospital will have a social worker you can contact on Monday. That would have to be a last resort though, given all the bugs floating around in hospitals.
hope you manage to get something sorted.

GwylimT

I have used private carers on two separate occasions, firstly when my wife left her rehabilitation unit and still required some care, and when my grand mother was still living in her own home. On each occasion we contacted local care providers and help a meeting with each to see who would meet our needs best.

When my wife required care it was just a few pop ins during the day to make sure she was okay, had something to drink etc. For my grandma the carer would get her washed, dressed fed and in her arm chair in the morning, they would come back and prepare her lunch (40 minute visit) and on the days when I didn't get home until later they would prepare her tea, this was a 60 minute visit. Anything else she needed was included, so assistance with using the toilet, and just a general gossip as well.

My Gran has dimentia so she had photos of her carers with their name and why they are knocking at the door, as her dimentia often causes her to struggle with trust a new carer would be arranged well in advance and I would be the person to deliver the new photo or she would sometimes not let them in depending on how lucid she was that day.

soolin

GP says she needs to go to hospice , hospice say they are full. Sorry about spelling mistakes I struggle with size of text on my phone.

It just feels like mum isn't dying quickly enough for them .

soolin

Thank you all, I'm just desperate here. I've tried lifting mum and I can't move her but when I call the support team at hospice they make me feel guilty by saying I have to go home

esuhl

Some people are quite simply "too nice" to be helped by the NHS. They assume that, unless you're screaming and demanding instant help, then you don't really need it.

Your mum's doctor should have an out-of-hours emergency number. If your mum needs to use the loo, give them a call and demand immediate help to move her. If that doesn't help, call 999 and ask for an ambulance. Ask whoever comes what you are supposed to do in a few hours when she needs the loo again. If necessary keep calling the emergency numbers every time she needs to move. Eventually they will realise that something needs to be done.

It's tragic that this kind of "fight" needs to occur when you are potentially at your weakest emotionally... but that's how it was with my mum.

Even when she hadn't eaten a thing (or used the lavatory) for over three weeks, the hospital would just give her a saline drip and chuck her out the next morning.

It's sick, but no one cares. If they can make you feel "guilty" and get you to walk away and suffer in silence, then to their relief that's one less problem to deal with.

The only way is to adopt the manner of a beligerant chav and shout and argue and fight and INSIST that they help. Hospice places are limited so don't have a go at them, but the NHS has a duty to look after your mum one way or another. If she cannot attend to her necessary functions, then the NHS need to help. And you need to DEMAND that they do. IMMEDIATELY.

It's a sorry state of affairs... I wonder how many people are left to suffer by the NHS just because they don't have someone who won't take "no" for an answer fighting their corner...

Good luck...

kittykat17

When my mum came home from hospital (to die) I had to speak to the doctor and social services. They finally arranged for extra care (she previously had 45 mins morning and night before she went into hospital), someone came in every four hours to wash her and turn her (she was bedridden) and we had overnight care (9pm-9am) for the last 2 weeks. In between I still did everything else. The NHS has a duty of care and has to help someone in your mother's condition. If they still won't help threaten them with going to the papers and your MP. I'd speak to your MP or at least their office to see if they can start to get things moving.


My heart goes out to you and your mum - I know how hard it is and no matter what you do you'll feel guilty that you hadn't done enough - that's natural. I really hope you can get the help you want and need as quickly as possible.


Also, if you look at care companies online you can check them out on the Care Quality Commission's website to see what sort of ratings they get:


https://www.cqc.org.uk

onlygoingforward

If you are a private client in my area you can access any home with a bed who would be suitable, also any care agency would visit private clients.

If not you should be able to access out of hours social services - we call ours here Emergency Duty Team - every council will have one and have a duty of care towards your mum.

hth

greenval

My Mum wanted to die at home ( she did) ,during the last week she had a 'night sitter' coming in and some care provision. This was arranged through our GP but the agency that provided the carers is called Home Instead. They are a national chain but I can say our local one was incredibly professional yet caring .Even the District Nurses were impressed. I've just googled and they have a website you could look at. I know they do 'private' care, not just through the GP. I hope this is helpful.


My heart goes out to you as I know how difficult the situation is.

anmarj

I would keep on at district nurse, the one that came to my late father in law was good and when my MIL admitted she could not cope, she was a good support. Helped by the fact that my hubby and sister in law were at the house to make sure that my Mil did tell the nurse she was no longer able to cope. As a result my Fil was comfortable during his last days.