Should I tell my family I'm pregnant?

clarryd

I wouldn't tell him, he seems to have taken the joy you and your sister had and put a downer on it, he doesn't deserve to be told.

I would let my mum/MIL and sister know but would be it and ask then not to tell anyone at all as you would prefer to wait until after 12 week scan.

Why let him spoil your good news.

Buzzybee90

Parents being disappointed their child is having a baby is more common than you'd think. I can't imagine how crushingly upsetting that must be.

duchy

My Dad's reaction to being told he was becoming a grandfather for the first time at the ripe old age of 69 was (despite my Mum telling him I had *good* news to tell him was "Oh God No" and he stomped off into the other room.

My first reaction was to think "Well sod you then" but I swallowed it down and went into where he was sitting and made a very dignified speech about how I was sorry he didn't feel as happy about the news as the rest of us and that if he couldn't be happy about it could he at least not spoil it for everyone else.

He then opened up and said he was was worried because I wasn't married and he didn't want he struggling etc. (I was living with my then future husband) We talked and he was fine and absolutely doted on his grandson. I'm glad I kept my temper that day as he died very unexpectedly eight months after my son was born and had we fallen out that day he might have missed out on it all.

Buzzybee is right-It is absolutely crushing and it takes a lot of effort to ignore that feeling and try to build bridges .

Robisere

When my DD was first pregnant, I was upset, because I had an awful feeling that the man she was with was wrong for her. I hid it well enough to fool everyone concerned, would not have dreamed of telling her how I felt, she loved the guy to bits. Almost 21 years later, she has been divorced since our first grandchild was 5 years old, due to the ex being unfaithful, deserting her and contributing nothing to her or their son. He has since been divorced by one of the women he was unfaithful with and now lives with a girl much younger than him, who has a baby by another man. He also has 4 failed businesses behind him, having walked from all 4, leaving employees with no wages and no job. DD rebuilt her life, met another guy and they had a daughter, but no longer live together as he is just as much of a control freak as the original. I felt the same about him at the time she told us she was pregnant again, but this time I said, are you sure about this? - I have a bad feeling about him. She rejected my words but was remorseful when it all went wrong. I was very careful not to say I told you so, just held her and tried to comfort her, told her that she was just too strong a character for most men.

Between our DD,'s first and last children, our son's marriage broke up. I had also told our son when he reported that the woman he met was pregnant and already had 2 children by 2 different fathers, I could have gone ballistic, but I didn't. They had another child, then her abuse of the children came to light and they divorced. Now we are single parents of a DS and DD with a DS and DD of their own, but whatever anger or disappointment I might have felt about their choices have been buried by the love of our smashing grandchildren.

I held each one as soon after they were born as I could and I love our little family with the passion that only someone who did not have a good childhood, can feel. I don't know how you feel about your dad, but I never resented any pregnancy announcement from DS or DD. No baby can have any say about who and where they come from and it is a pretty poor granddad who can be annoyed by such an announcement - unless your dad has a bad feeling about your OH, or something similar. Try to talk to him.

marisco_2

Firstly huge congratulations to yourself and your partner on your pregnancy. I hope all goes really well for you. Sharing the news of expecting a baby should be one of the best moments of your life, not fill you with angst and concern. Do it as and when you feel ready. If others cant be happy for you that is their issue to deal with.

lika_86

I'd be tempted to wait just until three months, as is fairly usual. However, I'd wait until after Christmas to tell the families, I imagine the last thing that would be welcome on Christmas would be another big fight.

Peter333

Wow that is awful OP. Why is your father being so horrible about it. I don't have any grandkids yet, and I would be over the MOON if one of my (adult) children made me a grandfather! None of them are married yet though, so I can't see it happening anytime soon.

As I said, why was he so horrible?

anmarj

I would wait until 12 weeks, only reason our immediate family got told very early was my late father in law was terminally ill, he died shortly afterwards. If we can have another I would wait until I was 12 weeks.

millysg1

If i was in your position i wouldnt tell anyone until 12 weeks. Im very close with my parents, sister and OH family but we still waited until after the scan and they all completely understood why we waited.

But if you personally want to tell some people i would only choose people you could trust 100% not to tell anyone else and you know will be really supportive. If your dad isnt included within that then that is his fault and you should not feel nad or guilty about that.

thunderstruck

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful and considered replies.

I am 25, with a house, a marriage, a cat and a dog and have been preparing for a baby for around a year or so. My sister's was more of a surprise but I guess he just clumped our news together perhaps.

I think waiting til the 12 week mark is probably a good plan, the good thing is I've been doing the Cambridge Diet so haven't been drinking etc since the start of August. As long as people don't wonder why I'm eating a little more (the old plan was 400cals per day), hopefully the questions won't start.