What would you do ?

dandelionclock30

I'd be ditching OH, a year of bad days I would'nt put up with that. Get out and dont let him drag you down anymore.
Then after you have left him and got your head straight then decide what you want to do regarding this other guy.

Pollycat

bess1234 wrote: »

So after 7 years unhappy relationship, DH has finally got help and we ve had a year of only bad days. Happy families all round.

But I'm angry about the last 7 years

I'm a little confused about the OP's post.

A year of 'only bad days'.
What does this mean exactly?

What was the last year really like for the OP with her 'DH'?

TBH, I think (but of course I can't know as I've never been in the same situation) if I'd struggled through 7 unhappy years and things had started looking up over the last year, I don't think I'd be angry about what had happened in the past.

Is this just a way of justifying 'having fun' with someone who is not her DH?

Marisco

Yes, I don't understand the post either. So you've had an unhappy 7 years, oh got help, and you've still had another year of unhappiness? Is that right? If so, then leave. If you mean the last year has been good, then why brood about the past?

pickledonionspaceraider

I think you need to concentrate on your current relationship and NOT embark on a new one at the moment, as this will just create further issues and problems.

Concentrate on deciding either you want to be with your current partner, or you don't. That should be your priority, NOT looking for someone new to further complicate your situation.

You say the last seven years have been unhappy

gettingtheresometime

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm a little confused about the OP's post.

A year of 'only bad days'.
What does this mean exactly?

What was the last year really like for the OP with her 'DH'?

TBH, I think (but of course I can't know as I've never been in the same situation) if I'd struggled through 7 unhappy years and things had started looking up over the last year, I don't think I'd be angry about what had happened in the past.

Is this just a way of justifying 'having fun' with someone who is not her DH?

I assumed that the OP had 7 years of a constant issue with her OH and after getting help that issue has reared its head rarely throughout the last year.

Now that he's got help I assumed she resents the fact that he hadn't got help sooner and effectively wasted those 7 years,

She's now met some who hasn't got the issue that her OH has and makes her feel like a giggly school girl.

And wants the OK to have fun - though whether this is whilst she's still in the relationship is unclear

Pollycat

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

I assumed that the OP had 7 years of a constant issue with her OH and after getting help that issue has reared its head rarely throughout the last year.

Now that he's got help I assumed she resents the fact that he hadn't got help sooner and effectively wasted those 7 years,

She's now met some who hasn't got the issue that her OH has and makes her feel like a giggly school girl.

And wants the OK to have fun - though whether this is whilst she's still in the relationship is unclear

Well, yes, I did get the gist of your last 3 sentences from the OP's post.
BUT the OP mentions a 'year of only bad days'.

bess1234 wrote: »

So after 7 years unhappy relationship, DH has finally got help and we ve had a year of only bad days. Happy families all round.

But I'm angry about the last 7 years

And then I meet someone who reminds me of being single, of having fun, of chemistry.

So what would you do ?

So when were the 'bad days'?
Does she mean not many bad days'?

bess1234_2

Thankyou for all your wise replies. And yes I think you are right. I need to focus on the real relationship and let it thrive or fail, without any distractions. Many thanks. I will be deleting the post as saying it out loud already feels a bit of a betrayal.

For the confused. This year has been good, with only lapses back to how it used to be permanently.

74jax

bess1234 wrote: »

Thankyou for all your wise replies. And yes I think you are right. I need to focus on the real relationship and let it thrive or fail, without any distractions. Many thanks. I will be deleting the post as saying it out loud already feels a bit of a betrayal.

For the confused. This year has been good, with only lapses back to how it used to be permanently.

If you want to concentrate on your current relationship then great . But think OH should be in the conversation that you are considering your future, as that is what you are doing.

If you want to go out with your single friend, then go. Have fun. Being in a relationship doesn't mean you can't. I have many single friends. If you mean go out with this person to start a relationship with them then no don't go there till you have finished your current one.

Pollycat

bess1234 wrote: »

Thankyou for all your wise replies. And yes I think you are right. I need to focus on the real relationship and let it thrive or fail, without any distractions. Many thanks. I will be deleting the post as saying it out loud already feels a bit of a betrayal.

For the confused. This year has been good, with only lapses back to how it used to be permanently.

So why aren't you feeling more positive about your partner now he's 'got help'?

I'm sure the 7 years weren't that great for him either.

You've obviously been together at least 8 years, unless you start seeing things in a more positive light instead of harking back to 'the bad times', it's not going to work.

And if you want it to work, you need to work at it.
Together.