How do you decide?

jackyann

You don't mention their dad. Is he not around, is he telling you he'll help (and if so, will he?)
Excellent advice here.
Apart from what has been mentioned, one factor for me would be the personality of your uncle. He is going to be the one asked for homework / project help, the one having to respond to the tales of what so-&-so said, and can I go to someones for tea, or can they come to mine etc.etc.etc.......
Will he just do the basics so they are safe, or will he be responsive, encouraging and help them flourish?

I'd also chat with local friends. I said to some of mine: "I won't be around the way I was to share care of the kids in the holidays, but if you can take mine on the odd day out, I'll pay for pizza (or whatever)". I was able to do that because in my time as stay-at-home / part-time mum, I'd built up a lot of goodwill!

Definitely talk to your kids, but don't put too much on them. Ask them how they think you will manage, imagine different scenarios with them, but tell them this is your decision.

Don't forget that you are being a good role model for your girls as well.

For me, if uncle was really on my team, in good health, and I had a couple of good friends / neighbours as back-up, I'd go for it. If not, I wouldn't.

Good luck!

cazziebo

Go for it.

I've always worked full time, often with a long commute. I had a great childminder and my late uncle helped out when there was any sickness, holidays, etc. I was also a single parent so I didn't feel I'd a choice but to work full time to cover childcare etc.

What I'd say is this is the perfect time to go back to work. Your children are settled in school and don't have major changes coming up. You have the opportunity to establish a good career which will be rewarding and make a difference to you and your family's lives.

I went back to work when my children were about 6 months and 3 years. I never had to take time off because of illness or anything because I had a superb childminder, aforementioned uncle and a great network of friends. UNTIL the teenage years when DD2 decided she didn't like school, and my father became very ill and I was doing 4 x 400mile round trips each week. By that time, I'd a senior role in a great company who were much more understanding of me working erratically. I'm sure if I'd been further down the chain I'd have been forced to give up work until everything settled down.

heuchera

I think at age 8 I wouldn't have minded an uncle picking me up from school

However if your quality of life will be very compromised (tired all the time, not enjoying the children, etc) than money isn't everything and I'd stay as you are.

FBaby

It's so difficult to know what is right because parents react differently as much as children do.

I have always worked full-time (bared a few months when I went down to 4 days) and my kids had to adjust to it (not knowing any differently).

I have asked them now that they are older if they wished I'd worked less. Their response was that they wished they didn't have had to go to holiday clubs when they did, but that they were pleased I did because they love the exciting holidays we can afford.

Strangely, my parents also both worked FT and I too feel that I didn't miss out mainly because my best memories are of the fantastic places we were to explore (abroad and at home). I am also grateful for all the activities I got to do, which I feel really opened my mind to life, meet different people.

I do apreciate though that some children would choose to have mum at home rather than the things that comes with the additional income. What is difficult is that they are rarely exposed to both long enough to really know what is best for them.

I suppose if you took the job full-time and it didn't work for you and/or the children, you could look into reducing hours, if not with this job, looking for another one?

maman

loopyloouk wrote: »

i always said i wanted the kids to never feel like we are short on money. They do know i work hard to provide for things and mommy goes to work to pay for presents for santa and them to have nice things and a house etc.

I'm sure you were saying 'mummy works for presents etc' to make it easy for them to understand but I'd take a different tack. When you sit down with them to talk about it I'd tell them that mummy's so good at her job that someone has asked her to go and work for them (doubt they'd understand headhunted;)). Then ask if they understand the difference between full time and part time and explain that your new job is full time. Then I'd tell them that Uncle is picking them up. I wouldn't mention the extra money, I always think that's best not shared with children as it can worry them/make them too materialistic.


So I'd definitely go for it, start building a career for the long term. Working full time is no big deal, you just need to be organised plus they're old enough to start helping out a bit. Prioritise how you want to spend your spare time so it's not all chores and take it from there.


Good Luck.:)

dimestorediamond

Someone else mentioned how much family time you actually get after school, and I second this.

I remember my mum going from SAHM to full time work when we were in Primary school and I can't say I ever felt resentful of lost family time.

We used to either go out to play or veg in front of the TV - it wasn't time sat with my mum doing family stuff. She would be doing chores. Family time was weekends, and maybe a little bit after tea and before bed or what have you.

Robisere

Speaking as a granddad, of four who are aged between 20 and 9. My wife and I made a decision some years ago, when the marriages of our son and daughter both went south, that we would do all we could. Each had a girl and boy and they all attended different schools in our part of Lincolnshire. I don't know how close your own parents are in distance and emotionally, but we saw that as more than a duty: we needed to support them both and we are a very, very, close family. We have done that since they were all babies and I would not have missed all that contact with them for anything.

So a typical week for granddad's taxi, is to pick up the 9 year old on Saturdays from a local Leisure Centre where she dances, take her home and on the way back take the 18 year old to the restaurant where she works part time. (She is at College studying Catering) Mondays I may pick up the 20 year old from work to his new rented house and see if there is anything he needs from the shops. Sundays, take a trip to both families (living in another village to ours) and find who wants taking where next week. Take 18 year old to work, dad brings her back. Through the week, take whoever to wherever as planned on Sunday. On certain Thursdays, take 20 year old and 15 year old boys (and self) for haircuts at Late Night Opening barber's. Fridays, pick up 15 year old from Work Experience, take him home. On way back, take 18 year old to work, dad brings her back.
For the next week I will miss my lovely little 9 year old as she is in Spain with mum. I usually manage to take her for a trip to Skegness - just the 2 of us - on a Sunday or Saturday, in between everything else. This is the highpoint of my week, I can be Silly Granddad for a while.

The point of all this, is that it all has to be organised. Talk to your children, make them know you are including them in the decision, but organise it so that you have help: the uncle sounds like a good hand. Can your grandparents help, can you set a rota so that everything that needs to be done for your children, is being done. As an obviously good, concerned mum, you will need to know that they are OK. Do that, then go for it!

Spendless

When I returned to work once mine were both at school, I had 9am-3pm hours and I loved it. Able to see the kids off to school and be there when they came home. It ended when my employer lost their contract and the place shut down. I could only find work which was 9-5pm instead and those 2 hours seem to make such a difference to your day. I seemed to have plenty of time to get things done with the 3pm finish, a 5pm one feels like, home, tea, bedtime routine. There is also the issue of after school activities, I started a thread about how people managed it when they finished at 5pm onwards only a few months ago. I know you've said it wouldn't be a problem currently with what they do, but it might in the future.

Also what's your back up plan if Uncle becomes ill or can't look after the kids for whatever reason? Does your area/kids school have childminders/after school clubs you can use or not?

balancelife

I work full time hours 3 days a week. Have done for just over 2 years now after getting an opportunity to move forward.
Ours (8 and nearly 5) go to breakfast club at their school on those 3 days. On two of those days they go to after school club at school until 530 ( it's open til 6) and the other day my husband finishes early and gets them from school. He then works later on other days.

When I've worked all day I pick them up at 530 and they have played, usually made something to bring home and have had tea. We go home, have a cuddle and talk about our days, they only have reading as homework so will read a book, then we start the bath and bed routine. We adults eat later.
On my days off I collect at 315/330 and we get home about 4 as we usually walk rather than having the car like the other days. We have a snack then they play/argue/watch TV while I cook dinner.way less structured but they are happy. Then I clear up etc....
It's much calmer and Oddly I feel I get more quality time when I work! Or maybe I just tell myself this

Think how flexible the job is, I try and go to their school events and work are happy for me to be out an hour or so or take an odd half day leave. Parent lunches, assemblies, concerts, drop ins, parent meetings all crop up!

Think about communication with the school, do the school pass on messages of behaviour or ask for a quick chat in the playground? Is your uncle ok with that and passing on messages?

Think about not being in the playground, are you the type to spend those few mins each day setting up play dates, coffee, talking about issues in class or with friends, or do you already have little contact? I found this harder and the quick chats with a teacher.

Do the girls get much homework, can it be fine at the uncles?

Can you combine after school club with uncle to have a bit of variety for them and a break for him? Couple of days for each? Our club will let you book extra sessions on top of regular which is great if I do an extra day randomly or my husband can't finish early one day.

On my days off I meet friends and I clean and shop. If I went full time each day I would think about having a cleaner and online shopping so we could keep weekends for us.
You already work each day.... If that works for you with the cleaning and shopping etc then a couple extra hours a day could work out. Just think whether not being in the playground or the homework and what to do about their tea and you'll make it work I like the idea of telling the girls it's an opportunity for you to try new things, do something you are good at.

loopyloouk

Thank you everyone for your replies it really gave me food for thought.

I sat down the weekend and weighed up all the pro's and con's for each scenario and spoke in a general way with the kids about possibly working more hours.

I have decided today to contact the job offer and see if there is any flexibility on hours etc perhaps finish early one day a week etc. I am hoping that as i have been head hunted i may be able to lay my cards on the table at the start and see how flexible they are to a degree.

If there is no flexibility then i will have to say no to this opportunity for the time being, as i would love to pick the kids up one day a week or be there when they get home one day a week.

I can self fund my registration to IRCA and see how that works in my favour.

I'll keep you posted on the response i get.

Thanks again for all your imput as some of you mentioned things i hadn't even considered.