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Ex refusing to discuss settlement/divorce
h3llsb3lls
Posts: 13 Forumite
This is a bit of a long one so please grab a coffee and accept my apologies for having so much rabbit!
I left my ex 3 years ago after continuous unreasonable behaviour. He was aware of why I had left and knew it had been on the cards for at least a year prior (I'd already moved out once)
To give you a bit of background: We agreed verbally on the terms of divorce and amount of settlement. He owned his house which he had purchased 7 years prior to our relationship but it needed a lot of renovation (it was an ex repossession property) I had financially contributed to this and so wanted what I had put in. The initial agreement was £8000.
We were going to get a legal document drawn up. But he then lost his job and was out of work for 6 months. During that time I didn't push and he did pay £500 to me (and I receipted). When it came to us finalising the document once he was back in work, he wanted to pay me in instalments. This was because he had to catch up with mortgage repayments etc. I agreed but he then wanted to continue that for the remainder of the settlement. This meant it would have taken approx 7 years for me to receive. His argument for it was that his credit rating was badly affected and it would take 7 years to recover.
I then suggested that if it took more than 3 years, a percentage should be added to account for interest I would be losing.
That was when communications broke down. He refused to pay anything and told me to get a solicitor.... which I did.
The solicitor wrote to him, mentioning that I was not involving them as a way of malice but to purely close a chapter on both our lives. Even though I do not part own the house, I have a financial interest in it so she placed a register of interest on my behalf. She also sent a draft divorce paper along with a request for full disclosure. It was then my ex decided he didn't like my solicitor, didn't like her language (it was legal jargon) and asked if we could talk amicably.
We talked and he asked me not to divorce him on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Even though he had agreed previously, seeing it in black and white was hard. I also think he didn't want his girlfriend to see the reasons I left. If I agreed to irreconcilable differences, his Mum would pay for the divorce. He then went through the finances and offered me £6000 along with electrical items. I accepted. Went back to solicitor and explained all to her. She wrote to him to confirm, still asking for full disclosure and explained it was to confirm his ability to pay. She gave me a talk and said that I could be entitled to more and the full disclosure would highlight this but I just wanted it over so I could move on.
Ex still wouldn't respond to her and in the end it came to the point where the only way to get a full disclosure would be via court. At the same time I became ill (having major surgery next month) and so didn't chase. The solicitors then closed our case.
Have since been in contact with ex and we've still agreed £6000 but now he says he can't afford to pay me, poor credit rating etc. We renovated a classic car together which he said he sold in order to pay me but now doesn't seem to have the money (or be able to tell me how much he sold for)... He now keeps putting me off with 'busy at work'
I've reminded him that there is still a register of interest in the house and until the divorce is final, it will stay on there.
I am trying so hard not to get angry. His unreasonable behaviour expanded over 5 years including other women, lying about wanting children, excessive spending and hoarding. He is aware of all this but yet continues to put me through the mill.
Whats my next move??
I left my ex 3 years ago after continuous unreasonable behaviour. He was aware of why I had left and knew it had been on the cards for at least a year prior (I'd already moved out once)
To give you a bit of background: We agreed verbally on the terms of divorce and amount of settlement. He owned his house which he had purchased 7 years prior to our relationship but it needed a lot of renovation (it was an ex repossession property) I had financially contributed to this and so wanted what I had put in. The initial agreement was £8000.
We were going to get a legal document drawn up. But he then lost his job and was out of work for 6 months. During that time I didn't push and he did pay £500 to me (and I receipted). When it came to us finalising the document once he was back in work, he wanted to pay me in instalments. This was because he had to catch up with mortgage repayments etc. I agreed but he then wanted to continue that for the remainder of the settlement. This meant it would have taken approx 7 years for me to receive. His argument for it was that his credit rating was badly affected and it would take 7 years to recover.
I then suggested that if it took more than 3 years, a percentage should be added to account for interest I would be losing.
That was when communications broke down. He refused to pay anything and told me to get a solicitor.... which I did.
The solicitor wrote to him, mentioning that I was not involving them as a way of malice but to purely close a chapter on both our lives. Even though I do not part own the house, I have a financial interest in it so she placed a register of interest on my behalf. She also sent a draft divorce paper along with a request for full disclosure. It was then my ex decided he didn't like my solicitor, didn't like her language (it was legal jargon) and asked if we could talk amicably.
We talked and he asked me not to divorce him on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Even though he had agreed previously, seeing it in black and white was hard. I also think he didn't want his girlfriend to see the reasons I left. If I agreed to irreconcilable differences, his Mum would pay for the divorce. He then went through the finances and offered me £6000 along with electrical items. I accepted. Went back to solicitor and explained all to her. She wrote to him to confirm, still asking for full disclosure and explained it was to confirm his ability to pay. She gave me a talk and said that I could be entitled to more and the full disclosure would highlight this but I just wanted it over so I could move on.
Ex still wouldn't respond to her and in the end it came to the point where the only way to get a full disclosure would be via court. At the same time I became ill (having major surgery next month) and so didn't chase. The solicitors then closed our case.
Have since been in contact with ex and we've still agreed £6000 but now he says he can't afford to pay me, poor credit rating etc. We renovated a classic car together which he said he sold in order to pay me but now doesn't seem to have the money (or be able to tell me how much he sold for)... He now keeps putting me off with 'busy at work'
I've reminded him that there is still a register of interest in the house and until the divorce is final, it will stay on there.
I am trying so hard not to get angry. His unreasonable behaviour expanded over 5 years including other women, lying about wanting children, excessive spending and hoarding. He is aware of all this but yet continues to put me through the mill.
Whats my next move??
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Comments
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Threatening to go to court and ask for half the value of the house?0
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Regardless of whose name the house is in and when it was bought, unless you were in a very short marriage (2 years), the starting pont for a court settlement is 50% of all assets, that includes the house, car and any pensions etc.
Get the solicitor who he does not like to write and make that proposal.
You can do the divorce DIY at very little cost.
You need to get a lawyer for the financials; you were far to kind before and he is abusing your goodwill. Add that you will be seeking all court costs from him as well as the settlement.If you've have not made a mistake, you've made nothing0 -
Thank you FBaby and RAS. Ex has supposedly taken legal advice but I think if he had, he'd know the reality.
I know I have been too kind, not pushing when his Dad had a stroke, not pushing when he lost his job but yes he is taking advantage of my goodwill.
I can't use the previous solicitor as they have now closed our case. However I have seen a DIY divorce that you can also include financial agreements with.
My thoughts are that I send ex a letter stating that if he doesn't respond to divorce papers and financial settlement, the matter will be taken to court with a view of claiming 50% of his assets.
Harsh but fair? I've gone down the mediation route but he refuses to discuss matters with a 'third party'0 -
Yes you can, ask them to re-start the case.I can't use the previous solicitor as they have now closed our case..................
....I'm smiling because I have no idea what's going on ...:)0 -
h3llsb3lls wrote: »My thoughts are that I send ex a letter stating that if he doesn't respond to divorce papers and financial settlement, the matter will be taken to court with a view of claiming 50% of [STRIKE]his [/STRIKE] the marital assets.
Fixed that for you...0 -
h3llsb3lls wrote: »..........I can't use the previous solicitor as they have now closed our case. ......'
was this at your instruction?
Or are we missing some of the story?The questions that get the best answers are the questions that give most detail....0 -
If all u want is 6k, he's an idiot for not biting ur hand off!
On that note, good choice leaving him0 -
6k is a lot of money but not enough to make yourself ill over. If you can afford to write it off (its money already spent) then do and move on. Is 6k worth the stress hassle and upset for months? Only you can decide....0
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I agree with the above poster. Write this off or go the whole hog and take him to court for everything you're entitled to. Half measures and compassion are getting you nowhere and giving you a lot of stress. Five years is a long time to have a former marriage hanging over you.0
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was this at your instruction?
Or are we missing some of the story?
My ex wasn't responding to letters... The solicitors then merged with another firm, my solicitor left the firm and I was assigned another. However because I didn't respond to them (I was ill and pretty low) they closed the case.
I did explain the situation but they had already sent the documents back to me.
At the time, I was also in receipt of legal aid but this wouldn't cover going to court which is the stage we'd reached. Since the case was closed, the rules have changed and so I now don't fulfil the criteria for legal aid.0
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