How do I move on?

Rosco32

Hello,

About a month ago my partner of just over 10 years ended our relationship. He has fallen out of love with me, which has left me heart broken. He says there isn't and hasn't been anyone else. He says our relationship has broken down, which I can see now and he doesn't love me anymore. We were arguing a fair bit so all the signs were there. We have both been amicable about things and neither of us hate each other, we arent like that.He moved out to his parents 5 weeks ago and is moving into rented accommodation in November. Our relationship started out as friends and we then became good friends before we got together. We both want to try and salvage our friendship but I need to deal with all the hurt and get over him first. We went for about two weeks and a few days without seeing each other then we met up last weekend and this weekend. I had to be brave today and tell him I couldn't see him anymore, which led to me breaking down. I feel so unhappy and empty inside. I'm struggling to eat and sleep and just want this pain to be over, I just don't know how to go about it. I feel like I've been to hell and that I'm probably still there. I did start seeing a counsellor but stopped after a few sessions as I didn't feel it was really helping. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with or manage all the pain and heart ache I would be eternally grateful.

Thanks for listening...

mellymoo74

No advice, keeping out of his way will help its difficult to be friends and you need time to grieve first.

What was it about the councillor that didn't work for you? If you didn't gel with them look for one you do gel with.
Sending hugs
Xxx

Poppy9

It sounds like he wants to be friends so he can feel better about ending the relationship. Right now you need space and time to get over him and that means you don't see him or try to be friends with him. Your relationship is over and I fear if you try to establish a new platonic relationship with him it will be because you think there is a possibility you will reignite your relationship.

Maybe in years to come when you are over him you can be friends but right now keep your distance.

bagpussbear

Sorry to hear this. You are doing right by not seeing your ex now, it really does make the pain worse in my opinion.

Breakups can feel like a bereavement, and a month is not so long so not surprised you feel raw.

It's a case of time is a healer here. If you need to cry, then do so, but keep busy as much as you can, perhaps plan things with friends, and when you are on your own watch tv or dvds that make you laugh, or do things that you enjoy. Bit by bit, the pain simply feels less. And one day, you realise you have gone the entire day without thinking of them at all.

You'll get there, and I hope it's soon. Hugs x

vodkachick68

Hi sorry to hear your feeling like this. I know exactly how you feel as my ex finished with me about 12 weeks ago and I've been absolutely heartbroken! He actually ended via a text and in a very callous way,he went off with someone else and didn't have the guts to even tell me to my face or talk to me.

All I can say is that 12 weeks on I do feel a bit better and I can now see that the relationship was not right and I deserve so much better than the way he treated me. People are right when they say time is a healer,it's so true!! The best thing you can do is cut all contact with your ex and that means no Facebook,texting,phoning or anything. It will be really hard but it's the only way for you to move on with your life.

Try and spend time with good friends and chat as much as you can and if you need to cry then do it,I would be ok on day and balling my eyes out the next but that has got better in the last couple of weeks.

I'm not saying I'm anywhere near over my ex yet but I can see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel and I know the split was for the best but I couldn't at the beginning. Good luck and time is a healer

Rosco32

Thank you for your replies everyone and the hugs, it really does help :-) sorry to hear about your break up vodkachick68, its a horrible feeling isn't it? I wish I could get him out of my head for now, it's so hard when you are still very much in love with someone who doesn't love you. We have spoken about friendship and would both like to try and be friends someday, but like he said that could only really happen when I'm ready and I think I'd tried to convince myself and him that I was ready after a few weeks so I could see him because I missed him so bad. The situation with the counsellor was probably because I've never seen one before so wasn't sure what to expect, but at the same time I went in thinking they would have all the answers and could tell me how I could just turn my feelings off, but I now realise there is no off switch. I have started to make plans to hook up with friends, something I should have done ages ago but I was scared of showing my emotions and telling people that our relationship has failed. I hope that it's true that time is a healer, and I hope it happens at a decent speed as these feelings just make me so numb.

raven83

Rosco32 wrote: »

Hello,

About a month ago my partner of just over 10 years ended our relationship. He has fallen out of love with me, which has left me heart broken. He says there isn't and hasn't been anyone else. He says our relationship has broken down, which I can see now and he doesn't love me anymore. We were arguing a fair bit so all the signs were there. We have both been amicable about things and neither of us hate each other, we arent like that.He moved out to his parents 5 weeks ago and is moving into rented accommodation in November. Our relationship started out as friends and we then became good friends before we got together. We both want to try and salvage our friendship but I need to deal with all the hurt and get over him first. We went for about two weeks and a few days without seeing each other then we met up last weekend and this weekend. I had to be brave today and tell him I couldn't see him anymore, which led to me breaking down. I feel so unhappy and empty inside. I'm struggling to eat and sleep and just want this pain to be over, I just don't know how to go about it. I feel like I've been to hell and that I'm probably still there. I did start seeing a counsellor but stopped after a few sessions as I didn't feel it was really helping. If anyone has any advice on how to deal with or manage all the pain and heart ache I would be eternally grateful.

Thanks for listening...

Hi, just wanted to say I can relate to how you feel, been there before. It is a cliche but time is a healer, you just have to take each day as it comes and take small steps, don't expect too much of yourself. My advice is to try and keep busy, I know it is hard to find the motivation when things like this happen, and it is easy just to hide away, but getting out and keep occupied is a great thing, also now is the chance to maybe try and find some new hobbies or do some things you have been putting off.

It is so hard when this happens and it feels like you heart is being ripped out, but life has to go on and you will move on from it in time, even though that seems impossible at the moment, you will get there.

I wish you lots of luck, keep strong.

Rosco32

Thank you raven, I've got all the time in the world now, so like you say one day at a time! I've actually joined a gym a few weeks ago, something I wanted to do for ages as I like to keep fit and healthy and I now feel I have the motivation to really go for it, so that should keep me focused and hopefully I'll get the results I desire.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond, I'm very grateful 😀

raven83

Rosco32 wrote: »

Thank you raven, I've got all the time in the world now, so like you say one day at a time! I've actually joined a gym a few weeks ago, something I wanted to do for ages as I like to keep fit and healthy and I now feel I have the motivation to really go for it, so that should keep me focused and hopefully I'll get the results I desire.

Thank you again for taking the time to respond, I'm very grateful 😀

Well there you go then, get down the gym and take out some frustration, personally I have to be dragged a gym by force lol, but it great you are taking an interest. I always find an image overall is needed after a break-up, nothing major, just maybe a new outfit or two, my a hair cut or something on them lines, it does give you a boost.:)

Rosco32

Ha ha yes you are right, just need to find the punch bag, that should help a lot!! I also want to do a 10k charity run next year so plenty of time for practice now 😃

raven83

Rosco32 wrote: »

Ha ha yes you are right, just need to find the punch bag, that should help a lot!! I also want to do a 10k charity run next year so plenty of time for practice now 😃

Well that is positive, set yourself goals and then you have things to aim for and not spending all your time dwelling and feeling sad.