my mum refuses to make a will

helpless_3

Hi, I'm new here so please forgive me if this has been addressed before. My mum (age 72) refuses to make a will because I am an only child and she has no husband. She believes that I will 'automatically' inherit anything she leaves on this basis. She doesn't have much, just a small cash ISA amounting to a few grand, no property etc. She thinks the ISA will cover her funeral costs. However, I know that when she dies I will not just be able to walk into her bank and say 'Hi, can I have my mum's money please?' I would struggle to pay for her funeral whilst it was all sorted out. Apart from this, she has two sisters still alive who may resurface if they think there's any money to be had. I have been on at her for years, but unable to persuade her. Any advice please?

Queenie

:hello: Welcome helpless, welcome to MSE

My mum died without a will - there were loads of us (Kids that is! I dealt with everything, no quibbles at all)
My dbil dies w/out a will - the banks/pensions/insurances were all most helpful when contacted)

Try not to fret. If/when something happens to her, you are her lawful N.O.K As far as the ISA is concerned, you take the Death Certificate (which, as nok you would need to register) and they will be ok.

Perhaps your Mum is daunted by the Will process and that could be why she is putting it off? You can buy a DIY will in WHSmiths for a couple of quid - you could then give it to her. She will need 2 witnesses to see her sign the will (but witnesses cannot benefit from the will - so you shouldn't be a witness!) and they will sign as such. She can appoint you as the Executor (sp?) and you will still be able to benefit from her will.

Her sisters, legally, take no precedence over your claim, even without a will.

I really can empathise with how worried you must feel, but from the little that you've mentioned, you have nothing to worry about. I know others will reply with fully advice than mine, so you'll get all the help on here that you need.

May your Mum live a long life ((hugs))

Jockthearab

Helpless, I am currently trying to tie up my Dad's estate-he died 3 weeks ago today.

My solicitor advised me I could do it myself as it is a 'small estate' in Scottish law & his fees for this would outweigh the benefit of him doing it, if that makes sense.

Basically, I closed his account at his bank-Took his death certificate, Savings Book etc, but they require 'confirmation' from the court that I am entitled to the money left. Went to the Sheriff Court who helped write out the forms for tax office & inventory of estate and was then advised I had to apply to Zurich GSG for a "Bond of Caution" (pronounced Kay-shun) before things can proceed any further. The Sheriff Court requires me to pay £81 court costs to proceed & I have to pay a further £200 to Zurich for this bond.

Today I got a reply from Zurich requesting a copy of a letter from the Dept of Works & Pensions to establish whether they will have a claim on the estate...meanwhile I also got the final bill today from the undertakers.

In short, even as the only living survivor, it's proving a bigger headache than I could have imagined at a very low time in my life. My aim is to get my own will sorted out ASAP & would strongly advise anyone else to do the same.

Hope this info helps you,


JtA

Al_Mac

Parents!

Mine made wills 20 odd years ago, keep hinting they need to change them, they have had three grandchildren, 4 if you count my brothers gf's first, which I think they would.

I don't need any money, my sister shouldn't, but probably does. So I think they should adjust accordingly.

Fortunately they have given money to my bro, which will lessen the tax people, but wont simplify the situation.

Sympathies to those currently with problems. I'd actually thought my da would know better, he's sorted out numerous relatives and friends estates.

Again, parents!

margaretclare

Hi all

One thing I can say about the CAB, if it's a simple straightforward will, what they call non-contentious, they will do it for your mum. Possibly it's the thought of going to a solicitor's which is putting her off, possibly she is daunted by the idea of doing it with a solicitor, maybe it's just the thought of her inevitable mortality which is the bugbear! Anyway, tell her the CAB will do it and it's much more user-friendly there.

It's not only how to leave your money etc, it's a good idea to leave clear instructions about what kind of funeral you want, cremation vs burial, any special hymns, music, a service/no service, all those kind of things. This is something I feel very strongly about and I speak from experience. It's much, much easier if the person dealing with things after someone has died (what's called the Personal Representative) has an idea what the deceased wanted and can just carry out those wishes. Dealing with grief is one thing, but in those first few days you have some quite important decisions to make.

It's quite selfish of someone to refuse to make a will. It's not a difficult thing to do, and once done, you just forget about it and get on with your life. But why put your nearest and dearest through unnecessary hassle and difficulty - we all know we have to go, why deliberately put them through more heartache?

Aunty Margaret

Queenie

margaretclare wrote:

..... It's quite selfish of someone to refuse to make a will. ......... why put your nearest and dearest through unnecessary hassle and difficulty - why deliberately put them through more heartache?

Oh Aunty Margaret Bit harsh isn't it?

Re-read the first part of your answer, because you've made a good point:- elderly people are people with feelings too; it *is* scarey facing your mortality, legal issues *are* daunting.
Equally, in "their day" the need as such to make a will wasn't quite as necessary as today; fewer people owned their own properties, less still trusted banks or had savings to worry about. I doubt anyone 'deliberately' and 'selfishly' refuses or *means* to put their loved one's through additional heartache.
The mum's perspective is that she doesn't see the *need*.

Obviously it's better if she can be persuaded to make one, but just as one has to respect her wishes if she *made* a will, doesn't she equally deserve respect if she chooses not to? In the above circumstances, it does sound very clear cut, even without a will.

Queenie

Here are a couple of links for you helpless:-

Dealing With Death (CAB)

No Will - Who benefits

C.A.B. Website
On the issue of paying for the funeral ... I know from experience that you do not have to pay upfront. You could ask your mother how much is in her ISA and research to see how much a funeral costs in your area. Undertakers are very understanding people and appreciate that sometimes it takes a little time to release funds to pay for the funeral. In some cases, they may accept payment in a couple of instalments.

helpless_3

Thanks everyone for your interest and support. My mum comes from what she would consider a 'humble' background and is intimidated by professonals such as doctors and solicitors. Also, she is a very private person and doesn't want people to know her business. My grandfather did one of those DIY wills and when she took it to a solicitor after his death she was sneered at - 'Oh, it's one of those Mickey Mouse wills, well never mind...' so she is not willing to make one for herself. If it really is as straightforward as you all (and mum) seem to think then I will give up nagging her. I was mainly worried about how I would find the money for a funeral as I have heard horror stories of how much they cost, so the reasurrance offered by Queenie has been helpful. (Thanks :T ) Before anyone says so, I have tried to talk to her about a funeral prepayment plan but, understandably, she is keen to hang on to her savings whilst still on this earth!.

margaretclare

Hi Queenie

No, I don't think it's a bit harsh. I've been in that situation you see (of not knowing what a person's wishes were) and the family rows that reverberated from people who thought they knew what the person wanted but in the end were really following their own wishes, had to be seen to be believed.

I'm not arguing in favour of a pre-payment plan, although perhaps there is a place for them, but just a few notes written down and kept somewhere safe, with important documents (with a copy will if there is one!)

I would never have thought about it years ago, but one day in the late 1960s I walked in on a heated argument between my mum and my aunt (the two people who brought me up) about the merits of cremation vs burial. It would never have occurred to me up to that time! But when I had to arrange their respective funerals, 1975 and 1985, I was grateful for it. And I did my best to arrange what they would have wished for. I've been at other funerals however where it was completely soulless, a vicar/minister who didn't know the person, did his/her best, but it was completely devoid of feeling. This is the kind of thing the nearest and dearest needs to know - does she want a service, or not? It's possible to arrange it all very simply but take it from me, it really is best to know what the person would have wanted.

It's not so rare, people not wanting to make a will. I have a friend whose in-laws are now in their late 80s and they haven't made theirs either! 'Plenty of time for that' is what they say. If there is only going to be enough money left to cover the cost of a funeral, and nothing else, then probably you will be OK with a death certificate for the bank/building society and they will pay out without problem. Anything else, any little gifts for family members, a will is best, IMHO.

Helpless, a tip for you: one of the most expensive parts of a funeral is the use of those huge black limousines to ferry mourners to and fro. Much cheaper if people use their own cars!! I note that it says that on this site: https://www.green-burial.co.uk and all the relevant family members know that's what I want done for me. I've also listed favourite music.

Last week I spoke to a lady whose aunt had just died, aunt had made her will at the local CAB. She didn't need probate because aunt only had money in a building society plus an insurance policy assigned to two daughters who were at the other end of the country, niece was on the spot so was appointed executor and Personal Representative. Aunt had investigated a pre-payment plan but not gone ahead with it, however the funeral director had a list of her wishes. And niece was so grateful - 'she even left the music she wants, bless her!' When you think of the long list of things to do, organisations to notify, it just helps a lot IMHO. It takes one more worry away from the people left behind.

Aunty Margaret

Sarahsaver

This is stressful for you. We reach a certain age and what do we get - problem parents! I think my mum is getting her house reposessed but she won't talk to anyone about it. They are stubborn, and unfortunately the possibility is that they actually don't give a **** My mum would not talk about wills, now im guessing its because she signed the house away to a loan company

margaretclare

Hi Sarahsaver

I have sympathy for you, and yes, I read your previous thread about your mum and her problems. Well, this is perhaps what I meant about being selfish. We do get older and we really should think about the people who're going to have to sort everything once we're gone.

I've heard of people arriving with a furniture van the day after a funeral to take their mum's furniture away and the grieving widower (this was in a second marriage with grown-up children of the deceased woman's first marriage) not being able to stop them, because there was no will! My friend whose in-laws in their late 80s won't make wills, had to deal with her half-brother's estate last year although there was nothing in it for her, and people kept arriving saying 'he promised me that picture/piece of china/piece of jewellery' and there was no proof whether he had or not! I've heard all kind of horrendous things which, had their been a clear statement of the person's wishes (a will, in other words!) wouldn't have been possible.

Aunty Margaret