Aargghh! BF asked me to stop taking pill!

Savvy_Sue

We had a lodger when I first got pregnant: he did move out before I had DS1 but we didn't ask him to and would have coped with him as long as he wanted to stay. Then WE were lodgers with a single chap while we did lots of stuff to a bigger house we'd bought. DS1 was devasted when we moved into our new home and left the landlord behind ...

Then we had another lodger, who slept through DS2's arrival (at home, in the middle of the night). He continued to do my shopping for me even after he'd moved out ...

Then when the boys were 11, 9 and 7 we ended up lodging with that single chap again after we'd all moved to a different part of the country. We'd sold our house but been gazumped on our purchase, and he was renting very close to our only fixed point, where the boys were going to go to school. His landlady was fine about us moving in too ...

3 adults and 3 children in a small 3 bed semi with one toilet in the bathroom is NOT something I'd recommend, particularly when you can't run the washing machine late at night because it disturbs the single chap, you can't run it first thing in the morning because he's having his shower, and you can't run it at the same time as the tumble drier because it blows all the fuses! However, we survived, and when it became clear that we'd find it very difficult to buy a sensible house on our own, we bought together. And we're all still together, rubbing along very nicely, thank you!

But it does depend on temperament. I'm not territorial, and I don't mind doing things to suit someone else, as long as it's not completely stupid! Which of course, surrounded by entirely logical men, is never going to happen ...

PS I would recommend plenty of toilets and bathrooms, if you can manage it. We have an ensuite toilet and shower, which used to be MINE until something broke and we haven't managed to fix it yet. We have a family bathroom, where the toilet needs attention so you have to pump it to flush, and that's taking time to sort out as well, and the electric shower is broken so we have a Heath Robinson arrangement which is just about adequate. And we have a downstairs toilet. That's not too many, IMO.

Also try to get a lodger who likes doing the things you don't or can't. The chap we share with is very practical, which DH is not, and although I'm considered an expert at fixing things at work (an all-female environment) I am clearly incompetent at home so don't even attempt to fix anything ... :rotfl:

pollyanna24

There is no doubt in my mind that I want a kids. My title was as it was because yesterday he just called my bluff and said, fine, if you want one, stop taking the pill tonight. And I didn't know what to do. Up to now, it's always been a thing for a couple of years time, i.e. when we get to 25, that came and went, and now it's before we're 30 (me 26, him 27), so I just think we need to get a move on, but our mortgage is huge and I honestly don't think we can do it on one wage, but I know his wage will be too much to get any help benefit wise.

keelykat

It doesn't sound as if you could comfortably afford to have a baby to be honest-but my sister has three kids and their situation was far worse then yours and they have coped really well....i guess it just depends how much you want a baby....my sister was desperate for baby number three and she worried aboutm oney afterwards (ok not always a wise idea but it's what she wanted).

If you do start trying-don't forget your suppliments; folic acid etc!

Good luck! I can't wait to start trying myself!

Keely.

honeypop

Apart from the financial issues, which you seem to have a good grip on,

pollyanna24 wrote: »

honestly don't think we can do it on one wage, but I know his wage will be too much to get any help benefit wise.

don't forget it's not just a case of stopping the pill one night. You need to prepare your body properly by taking folic acid for example for a few months before starting to try to conceive, plus you need to let your cycle return back to normal after stopping the pill, which means allowing your body to have a 'true period' (which can take up to about 6 months) before trying to conceive.

You could always try living on the one wage, as if you already had the baby, and see how you cope financially, that will be the only way to know if you can do it or not. Regarding the lodger, as you see from peoples responses above some people wouldn't mind it, some will not want to share with a baby, so if you can find someone who doesn't mind then brilliant, but make sure you are charging them reasonable rent, not like the underpaying lodgers you have now!

LilMissEmmylou

honeypop you do not need to take anything for months before you try to conceive, if that was the case people wouldnt get pregnant by accident (me lol) but once i was pregnant i did take folic acid and have a perfectly healthy little girl

you would be entitled to some kind of tax credits and child benifits, i think when i go back to uni i will get approx £250 in tax credits and child benefits (ok not a lot but it helps doesnt it?)You need to be earning of £55,000 to not be eligible for tax credits. id honestly say if u want a baby but r worried about money, dont, and as for the huge mortgage, if you didnt have that you would have rent etc to pay so either way there is still going to be living costs. Good luck with whatever you decide

nickj_2

no one is ever certain if they can afford kids unless they are earning plenty
if you want kids , go for it , and then see what you can do without or cut back if necessary , if you waited until you are financially secure it could take ages ,
you will manage ,

honeypop

LilMissEmmylou wrote: »

honeypop you do not need to take anything for months before you try to conceive, if that was the case people wouldnt get pregnant by accident (me lol) but once i was pregnant i did take folic acid and have a perfectly healthy little girl

I know you dont need to, as like you say what about unplanned pregnancies, but it is what is recommended by doctors to prepare for pregnancy a bit better than no preparation at all. I was just passing on advice that others have given in similar threads about ttc and planning for a baby.

pollyanna24

I have worked out by cutting back on a lot and anticipating one more rate increase (our fixed rate is up next April) and anticipating £432 maternity and £160 for child benefit and child tax credits (there's a lot of anticipating in there!), we would have about £15 left over each month which isn't a lot and doesn't leave any room for spare.

If you get a part time job while you are on maternity pay, do they stop your payments?

chelseablue

My cousin and his wife have two children and she'd love one more but they are stretched to the max already so they've decided to wait a few years.

Do you know by how much your mortgage will increase next year? With the base rate hitting 6% or 6.25% by the end of the year (or so they say!) It could be approx £200 a month more.

Childcare also costs alot. Its a catch 22 situation - if you cant manage on one wage then the mum goes back to work - which costs more money.

Kids are definatley worth it though. I dont have any myself (yet!) but I'll be in your situation in a few years time!

Keep us posted

x

pollyanna24

Yep, I've budgeted for a fixed rate of 6.28% if the rates hit 6%. We can afford more, but that's what I'm hoping for. At the moment on 4.59%, so it's a bit of a hike alright, up from £885 to about £1050, but hey we knew it was coming, so c'est la vie.

I wouldn't mind going back to work, but at the moment, I earn more than him and I have to travel 1 1/2 hours into London every day. Just don't think I could hack that when I have a kid. Therefore, would have to take a paycut, and maybe work hours when bf isn't. But even so, for the first year would be strapped for cash, so just wondered whether they stopped maternity if you did part time work. It's not work working for £400 odd quid a month when I would be getting that with maternity anyway, but it would a handy top up .