Wording of the petition + property

PaulAA_2

Hi all,

I am the respondent, and the wording of the petition is otherwise mild apart from the part that clearly implies that I was the one who wanted the divorce. This is not so: I made my position very clear on a number of occasions and I wanted us to stay together; she knows that.

Is it worth fighting for this allegation to be struck off from the petition? I understand that some judges would grant a divorce just on the basis that the petition is being made; other may actually block it if the evidence is not sufficiently strong. What are the chances of this or am I plain dreaming?

So what are my options? Contest or agree? There is no such a thing as a letter to the judge explaining that I do want to work on the marriage, is it? She is submitting via lawyers. If I had a chance to stop the divorce I would give it a go, however I am mindful of focusing on the relationship to ensure the subsequent process is as amicable as possible.

Say I'm dreaming and the divorce is stopped. Would she or would she not file again? I don't know.

Here's why. She is not happy with certain aspects of our communication. I now know this and can change it. Her position is: we do the divorce, if I, the respondent, change as expected, we can stay together during and after the divorce - she is OK continuing living with me in the place we own. It sounds a bit unorthodox, please don't judge quickly. I am an OK person to live with, so who knows, perhaps may work. Has anyone here on the forum returned to their ex this way?

A large proportion of our assets are in a jointly owned place, not so much cash. So if I have to pay out her share there's a large cash shortfall. I am thinking of proposing N monthly payments for a few years perhaps to cover that shortfall. Are there any other viable mechanisms for settling the split? If we subsequently stay together then my monthly outgoings are going to be massive, but I would not be in a position to ask her to start contributing to the cost of the place + utilities, would I?

Thank you in advance.

CP26

If you feel that strongly about the petition you could include a brief letter to the court simply stating that you disagree with some of the points and had hopes to reconcile, but will allow the divorce to proceed if that is what the petitioner wishes. However I was advised that judges tend not to appreciate loads of unnecessary extra paperwork so keep it simple.

Everything I've read suggests contesting is largely pointless. It just delays everything and creates a massive legal bill - the petitioner will most likely get their divorce anyway.

The petitioner can call off the divorce at any point until the decree absolute is granted. If you contest you could end up spending lots of money defending your position in court which would ultimately be a waste if you did reconcile, and would equally be a waste if you lost and the divorce went ahead anyway.

If you are seriously considering contesting you really do need professional advice.

As for the finances if it seems complicated do at least have a conversation with a solicitor. There are multiple ways you can resolve the finances but it will depend on your exact situations so no internet forum can really help.

The only hiccup I can see with staying living together is that the judge might question if the marriage really has broken down - she might be asked to demonstrate how you are now both living separate lives under the same roof.

Your last 2 paragraphs are a bit unclear - do you mean stay living together as platonic room mates or back in a relationship? Either way, you'd probably need proper legal advice on your financial responsibilities.

purpleshoes_2

PaulAA wrote: »

Hi all,

I am the respondent, and the wording of the petition is otherwise mild apart from the part that clearly implies that I was the one who wanted the divorce. This is not so: I made my position very clear on a number of occasions and I wanted us to stay together; she knows that.

Is it worth fighting for this allegation to be struck off from the petition? I understand that some judges would grant a divorce just on the basis that the petition is being made; other may actually block it if the evidence is not sufficiently strong. What are the chances of this or am I plain dreaming?

So what are my options? Contest or agree? There is no such a thing as a letter to the judge explaining that I do want to work on the marriage, is it? She is submitting via lawyers. If I had a chance to stop the divorce I would give it a go, however I am mindful of focusing on the relationship to ensure the subsequent process is as amicable as possible.

Say I'm dreaming and the divorce is stopped. Would she or would she not file again? I don't know.

Here's why. She is not happy with certain aspects of our communication. I now know this and can change it. Her position is: we do the divorce, if I, the respondent, change as expected, we can stay together during and after the divorce - she is OK continuing living with me in the place we own. It sounds a bit unorthodox, please don't judge quickly. I am an OK person to live with, so who knows, perhaps may work. Has anyone here on the forum returned to their ex this way?

A large proportion of our assets are in a jointly owned place, not so much cash. So if I have to pay out her share there's a large cash shortfall. I am thinking of proposing N monthly payments for a few years perhaps to cover that shortfall. Are there any other viable mechanisms for settling the split? If we subsequently stay together then my monthly outgoings are going to be massive, but I would not be in a position to ask her to start contributing to the cost of the place + utilities, would I?

Thank you in advance.

She wants to divorce you, but wants to keep living with you?

What is going to happen when other partners come on the scene?

Shes saying if you change she'll continue to live with you but she's divorcing you anyway?

You both sound as mixed up as one another, doesn't sound healthy, think you need to consider counselling.

Pollycat

I think it all sounds very strange.

Why would someone petition for divorce - clearly against the partner's wishes - and then imply that it's the partner that wants the divorce?

Surely it's the person who petitions for divorce who wants it?

I think a session with someone with legal experience may be the best money you have ever spent.

LilElvis

So she wants the divorce, but on the petition she says it's you that wants it?

She wants to proceed with the divorce regardless of whether you "change", but if you do she will stay with you post-divorce?

In your earlier thread you have said that she has ticked every box re the financial settlement - including spousal maintenance - yet intends to continue living with you in the marital home?

"Strange" doesn't even cover this scenario.

Errata

PaulAA wrote: »

Hi all,

I am the respondent, and the wording of the petition is otherwise mild apart from the part that clearly implies that I was the one who wanted the divorce. .

Legal documents don't "imply" - which means suggest - anything. They are explicit.

peachyprice

PaulAA wrote: »

Here's why. She is not happy with certain aspects of our communication. I now know this and can change it. Her position is: we do the divorce, if I, the respondent, change as expected, we can stay together during and after the divorce - she is OK continuing living with me in the place we own. It sounds a bit unorthodox, please don't judge quickly. I am an OK person to live with, so who knows, perhaps may work. Has anyone here on the forum returned to their ex this way?

Sorry to say, but I think she's playing you. She's spun this line to get you to sign the petition quickly but you can bet your bottom dollar that once the divorce is granted you won't see her for dust.

I still wouldn't be surprised if there were another man waiting in the background, hence the want for a quick divorce.

PaulAA_2

CP26 wrote: »

The only hiccup I can see with staying living together is that the judge might question if the marriage really has broken down - she might be asked to demonstrate how you are now both living separate lives under the same roof.

Your last 2 paragraphs are a bit unclear - do you mean stay living together as platonic room mates or back in a relationship? Either way, you'd probably need proper legal advice on your financial responsibilities.

Thank you CP.

Yes, the crazy thing is we do continue living under the same roof and together. This is private life. How can I prove that we continue living together to the judge given that the petition suggests the the marriage has broken down and that it was me who came to this conclusion?

Regarding last 2 paragraphs: her suggestion was to continue living together and still go ahead with the divorce and split the assets. After it's done she may carry on staying together, depending how she sees my behaviour towards her.

PaulAA_2

peachyprice wrote: »

Sorry to say, but I think she's playing you. She's spun this line to get you to sign the petition quickly but you can bet your bottom dollar that once the divorce is granted you won't see her for dust.

I still wouldn't be surprised if there were another man waiting in the background, hence the want for a quick divorce.

The petition from court has not arrived yet. I have seen the draft from the lawyers (all legal work charged to me at over 1.5G). I have requested changes, but no amended petition draft was sent to me.

Outside of the office hours we spend most of the time together - how would that be possible?

PS Once again, my mind fails to comprehend as to how this is a sign of a broken marriage.

purpleshoes_2

PaulAA wrote: »

The petition from court has not arrived yet. I have seen the draft from the lawyers (all legal work charged to me at over 1.5G). I have requested changes, but no amended petition draft was sent to me.

Outside of the office hours we spend most of the time together - how would that be possible?

PS Once again, my mind fails to comprehend as to how this is a sign of a broken marriage.

She clearly believes its broken or else she wouldn't be filing for divorce.

You dont want the marriage to end and I think you are looking for any signs that you might stay together.

PaulAA_2

Thank you for taking time to read and respond, this is really appreciated.

LilElvis wrote: »

So she wants the divorce, but on the petition she says it's you that wants it?

Correct. Neither of us has a proof either way. What's my best course of action to say that this part of petition is incorrect?

LilElvis wrote: »

She wants to proceed with the divorce regardless of whether you "change", but if you do she will stay with you post-divorce?

Correct.

LilElvis wrote: »

In your earlier thread you have said that she has ticked every box re the financial settlement - including spousal maintenance - yet intends to continue living with you in the marital home?

Almost correct. She'd want a marriage contract if we were to get together after the divorce.

LilElvis wrote: »

"Strange" doesn't even cover this scenario.

Yes, people can be irrational. I can't see what her real drivers are, but your summary is spot on. I am trying to think whether I felt and would feel happy in this relationship. It's hard to clearly formulate thoughts. But I do want to keep us together.