hate it when people are shocked

PenguinJim

midlander81 wrote: »

I agree with some of your points but feel that the suicide comments are harsh. Sure, it happens but whilst my debt us an inconvenience it would never lead me anywhere close to that. The thing that worries me is that there may be others reading this who are feeling that way.

Here's the thread.

Your 40K is an "inconvenience", but look at what 1.5K does on the first page. Look at what 35K does on the second page. Debts can have profound implications, which may explain why some people are shocked when you reveal yours.

Edit: just to add to Monkeyball's note above, yes, I'm not pointing it out to be harsh, but to try to explain why people may be shocked at hearing about big debts, as the consequences can be terrible. I'm not suggesting divorce or suicide are solutions to debt!

James_B.

strawberryblonde wrote: »

I would urge all of you who have no debts to be less judgemental.

There is this weird trend on here for people to label others as "Judgemental", when they have been nothing of the sort. Saying that you are shocked by the size of a person's debt is not judging them.

Judging someone would be saying that they are a bad person, or saying that you do not like their morals, it unequivocally is not saying "oof, that seems a lot" when they mention their debt level.

It is a particularly stupid an unhelpful thing to say about posts when they are responding to a direct invitation to respond on the size of the debt.

midlander81

Hi- thanks for replies. Have looked at thread and yes I can see that debt impacts people in different ways.

Monkey balls... I agree that the thread is becoming a little negative and feel that I should add that I am happy to hear all points of view. I am on here as I need support in dealing with my current financial predicament so all comments are useful to me.

Macblack

Lets focus on the positive here, you say that you have a plan to be debt free in 2 years.

To do this you are obviously paying well above and beyond what would be considered the minimum.

So good on you...

My advice is put an A4 page somewhere prominent in your house and update it every month as a countdown. Its a good way to keep focused.

lazer

blisteringblue wrote: »

This crops up all the time. 57% of household income while not ideal isn't that drastic. Owing 20K on a 25K salary would be much worse to me.

It's not really about the amount you owe, it is simply about your ability to pay it back.

We owe more than you on less household income and I'm not worried. Nobody is coming to batter my door down. Our creditors seem happy with what we are paying them and we've 48 more payments until we are straight.

Judge away, but life is good. Certainly not losing any sleep over it.

I don't really think household income is actually relevant, people get into problems with Debt whenever their ability to repay changes.


You could have a £3,000 a month income today and have to pay £1,000 a month debt repayments, you can afford it fine, however if your income suddenly drops to £1,500 you can't afford those repayments and that is when the problems start.


I would say £40,000 is a lot of debt, but you are facing up to it, have plans to repay it etc, and most importantly, (hopefully) you have learnt from it, and won't find yourself in that position again.

Lungboy

Considering current students will often be graduating with ~£35k debt, I think your level of debt could well become more and more commonplace.

ShopaholicNumber1_2

I started my DMP journey in August 2010 with £38000 of debt. I should finish paying it all off in June 2015. Said like that, it sounds awful and I expect people would judge too if that is all the information they had. However, the pounds and pence figure is never, ever the whole story. Mine was accrued following a divorce in 2005 which left me with nothing, two young children to bring up alone with no family nearby to help me (they were just 4 and 6 years old) and a tiny part time job paying me just £350 a month! In order to sort out the debt I started my own business (which is doing OK) and re-trained so I could get a full time job in a local school and avoid childcare while running my business in the evenings. I worked damn hard and will have paid back every single penny in 6 months from now. So anybody trying to judge me clearly doesn't know me and therefore I neither care about or respect their judgement! Don't let people tell you how you should have lived your life - you aren't asking them to help you after all!

Hermia

James_B. wrote: »

There is this weird trend on here for people to label others as "Judgemental", when they have been nothing of the sort. Saying that you are shocked by the size of a person's debt is not judging them.

Judging someone would be saying that they are a bad person, or saying that you do not like their morals, it unequivocally is not saying "oof, that seems a lot" when they mention their debt level.

It is a particularly stupid an unhelpful thing to say about posts when they are responding to a direct invitation to respond on the size of the debt.

I agree. I don't think anyone here has been rude or judgemental. The OP was asking whether anyone could understand why their colleague was shocked and people were just trying to put across how that size of debt might be viewed.

I don't always think that immediate reactions like the OP's colleagues are the true picture anyway. A friend once told me she used £100 a jar moisturiser. My reaction was to nearly die of shock and she thought I was a nasty judgemental so and so. I really don't care/judge if she spends that much as she can afford it, but I was so surprised at hearing the price I couldn't help my immediate reaction.

Jagraf

On its own, £40,000 is a lot of debt. However, everyone's responses will be subjective, because we all have different reasons for being in debt.

I've had ten years in debt because of spending too much, but then a divorce when my debts grew and grew and grew. Not because I was consciously going out and spending, but because I was just trying to manage physically, mentally and emotionally.

I have just paid off my debt. :T what do. Have to show for it? A fabulous husband, real friends who I've gathered along my journey, a humble approach, and a big part in the community where I sought out cheap or free activities for my daughter when she was little (youth clubs etc - would have paid for private tennis tuition etc in a previous world).

I'm glad I'm out of debt, but I'm glad I did the journey. I understand much more about life now, and I also know not to judge others based on my experiences.

So, is £40,000 a lot? I would have paid that much to be where I am today.

DevilsAdvocate1

Must admit I was surprised by the size of your debt, especially when you mentioned your income. The good news is, if you are living fine on your new income after debt repayments, you should be able to make some good savings once the debt is paid.

We currently owe £4000 on a credit card, but I'm confident that we'll be able to pay it back once the 0% offer ends.