Separation advice

19lottie82

As Shoe*Diva has said, you will need to cancel the joint claim and submit two single ones. Only one of you can claim the child tax credits (presumably the children's mother, if she will be the main carer).

As a single person with no children living with you, you should be able to claim WTC's, and possibly council tax benefit / housing benefit, if you earn under a certain amount. Off the top of my head I think it's about £13.5k? Check the turn to us benefits calculator for an idea of what you might be entitled to.

Mojisola

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/benefits-check?_ga=1.205925779.1486489328.1386692336

Put in the figures as if you were renting your own place.

You can also work out what your ex will be able to claim. Any child maintenance from you will be on top of the benefits.

elsien

Hard_food_for_midas wrote: »

Trouble is, we don't earn very much at all. In fact we both get tax credits - so, that is something we will have to factor in - we'll probably get less living separately.
.

That's how it works, generally speaking. Two households cost more to run than one and incomes need to stretch further, so both parties have to take a cut in their living standards. That's the reality that both of you need to understand, regardless of blame, guilt and emotions.

And aside from the money, you also need to start thinking about access, parental responsibility and how that will work for both of you once you get your own place. The children staying over, how often and when, that sort of thing. So that it's for their benefit and doesn't end up as a battleground between the two of you. Whatever the rights and wrongs, you need to know your rights and not let the kids get caught up as pawns between the two of you. And they still need both of you as parents even if you're not living together. Which means routines and everyone knowing where they stand, and it not all being based on how upset one parent is feeling on a particular day.

mgdavid

elsien wrote: »

That's how it works, generally speaking. Two households cost more to run than one and incomes need to stretch further, so both parties have to take a cut in their living standards. That's the reality that both of you need to understand, regardless of blame, guilt and emotions.

And aside from the money, you also need to start thinking about access, parental responsibility and how that will work for both of you once you get your own place. The children staying over, how often and when, that sort of thing. So that it's for their benefit and doesn't end up as a battleground between the two of you. Whatever the rights and wrongs, you need to know your rights and not let the kids get caught up as pawns between the two of you. And they still need both of you as parents even if you're not living together. Which means routines and everyone knowing where they stand, and it not all being based on how upset one parent is feeling on a particular day.

great post - couldn't have been said better :T

Mojisola

Have you got Parental Responsibility for the children?
https://www.gov.uk/parental-rights-responsibilities/who-has-parental-responsibility

Hard_food_for_midas

Thank you so much for the link to Entitled to. That will come in useful for when we need to work out how the split will affect what we currently get.

We are dealing with it very much with the children in mind

thorsoak

Hard_food_for_midas wrote: »

We are not married, but have 2 kids around 10 years old. We've got house in her name, she wants me to move out and keep the kids and the house and expects me to continue paying the mortgage - which I have paid for over 10 years. (My total contribution to the house is equal hers.)

My guilt is allowing her to walk over me right now and I have no fight left. This relationship has gone wrong because of me.

The house is worth a lot of money but I wouldn't want to move the kids anyway. So, I need to move out for both of our sanities. Both of us feel ill with our situation.

I'm expected to have to do all the running around as usual with the kids - which I don't mind, but it hurts me not to be in the same house and she gets everything - kids & the house.

I have some money behind me, but not enough to live in a place like our home…I will probably be depressed as hell in a flat, knowing that I have been shafted because of my guilt.

What rights do I have?

Also, it is a difficult time - I want to coach my kids through their 11+. She's even talking about me using my money to pay for private school fees! That can't happen if she has me living in a flat, paying extortionate rent and her mortgage.

What a great door I've left open for some other guy to come in and take on!

Any helpful advice would be great, thanks

Sadly, you are now having face the consequences of not behaving as you should have done in the partnership - were the boot on the other foot, would you not behave as your betrayed partner now is?

However you are still one of two parents - you don't stop being a parent because you and your partner have broken up - so there is nothing stopping you coaching your children - you can programme that time into your custody arrangements.

OK - you feel guilt - but guilt, like anger, is a non-productive feeling. Start taking positive steps.

bigheadxx

You could consider making a claim for Child Benefit yourself or your partner agreeing to this. You will both then get the higher rate for 1 child each but obviously there can only be one recipient per child.

This has a knock on effect for tax credits as you could both claim for a child each as separate households.