Family feuds-is it sometimes better to cut off most ties?

Lily-Rose_3

How refreshing to see that so many are not very interested in contact with certain extended family members. Seems it's much more common that I thought LOL! I cut off about two thirds of my two dozen or so extended family some 3-4 years ago. They are utterly toxic. Mostly aunts, uncles, and cousins; all they ever did was use me to suit their own agenda.

When I worked in this certain job for about 10 years of the 30 years I worked; they saw this as an opportunity for them to get free help and services, and I told them I couldn't even get it free myself!!! And when I came into some money in the 1990s, they tried to beg it and borrow it, and when I gave them some, they never gave it back, and when I couldn't help them anymore, I wouldn't hear from them for months on end.

I didn't invite most extended family to my wedding, as me and my husband paid for it ourselves and places were limited, and many of them stopped speaking to me for several years, until I got into a position where I could help them again. Even when they weren't bugging me for money and favours, they bugged other people instead.

They are VERY chavvy and are always having spats and arguments on facebook: VERY Jeremy Kyle! And 2 cousins have ex cons for boyfriends, and daughters with kids with 3 or 4 fathers; NONE of who they are married to. And none of them have worked a day in their lives. Not the middle aged cousins OR their daughters. And they are all SO loud, and swear incessantly, and smoke like chimneys. About 10 years ago, when my daughter was nine, she BEGGED me to not make her go to their houses, as the houses stunk, and they were all so loud and horrible.

One male cousin has a very big mouth, and is very chavvy, and plays for a local team of a particular sport, and he has had dozens of people report him on facebook for his perverted and obscene posting,. He is always posting stuff about the sexual activity he is supposedly getting up to with his wife! And his 14 year old son is on his FB page. It's gross and vile.

When I moved 2 years ago, out of town (30 miles away) I took great pleasure in not giving them my address. I don't want anything to do with them, and only have contact now with the 6 or 7 extended family members who have ALSO broken contact with the dozen common and chavvy and gobby 'Jeremy Kyle' types in the wider family. (This is in addition to my brother, and his wife and 2 nephews, who moved abroad about 5 years ago.) We speak quite often, and he can't stand them either. And of course, I have contact with about 6 or 7 of my husband's family too. It's just the grotty part of *my* family I can't stand.

Even when I *was* in touch with them, I never ever got a Christmas card or gift, OR birthday card or gift, and neither did my husband or daughter; yet my name was MUD if I forgot them. My one cousin with five kids would plead poverty and claim she could not afford a gift for my ONE daughter, even though I bought for her five kids AND five grandkids. But she smokes 20 a day, and goes out 3 or 4 nights a week, and has about 20 pets! Typical chav behaviour really, spends on exotic pets, booze and fags and expensive phones, but won't buy gifts for anyone, and rarely pays rent (she has been evicted 7 times in 10 years.)

Oh yes, I am DEFINITELY better off without 'family' like this. And now I live in a town 30 miles north, I never see them... Blisssssss The family I *AM* in contact with who has not bothered with them for ten-plus years, live 20 miles west of them, so they never see them either.

My life has been so much better without them in it. I took great pleasure in cutting them out of my life.

By the way, I'm not going to apologise for saying some of them are chavs who have never worked, with stinky houses and kids with different dads. So if anyone is about to have a go at me about it: don't waste your time.

DKLS

WeAreGhosts wrote: »

i agree with DKLS. i have done this and it is much better for my mental health. my small section of close family is largely estranged from the rest. they have always treated us differently and i don't know why. i am past caring about the 'why' though. cut them off, but be civil at christmas/funerals/weddings etc ...

It might be my age, but now I won't tolerate any toxic people in my life and I struggle to understand why other do.

I did bump into a toxic ex relative last week, who said, "I hear you got married"
Me: Yes four years ago it was a lovely day
Her: So why didn't you invite...........
Me: I pretended to spot an old friend over the street and walked off

summerof0763

I cut myself off from my family a good few years ago and don't regret it.
I have my daughters and my granchildren they are who I love xx

red_devil

Although cutting family off can be a tremendous relief it can also be very sad. When you see people out and about with their families and hear what they do together it makes you wish yours wad like that.