Father never paid child support, now found him after 36 years!

13Kent

I think if your mum was to divorce him she would possibly be able to claim something from his pension fund, especially if she gave up work to have a child, but she would have to make the decision to do that.

You might find if you meet your father that he has regrets about things that happened in the past, - sometimes once you have chosen a path rightly or wrongly the further you go along that path the harder it is to make amends and it's easier to let things lie. You might find that if he is financially well off he may be happy to make a financial contribution which if he has regrets may make him feel better about things that he did or didn't do in the past.

Mattonlaptop

13Kent wrote: »

I think if your mum was to divorce him she would possibly be able to claim something from his pension fund, especially if she gave up work to have a child, but she would have to make the decision to do that.

You might find if you meet your father that he has regrets about things that happened in the past, - sometimes once you have chosen a path rightly or wrongly the further you go along that path the harder it is to make amends and it's easier to let things lie. You might find that if he is financially well off he may be happy to make a financial contribution which if he has regrets may make him feel better about things that he did or didn't do in the past.

Thanks for this good advice, I have actually bit the bullet today, and asked him for a meeting. We shall see how it goes from there.

13Kent

Good luck, I hope it goes well.

shegirl

Mattonlaptop wrote: »

Please explain how it would be a total sham? I am sure there have been plenty of instances where people have found long lost family / friends through social media.

I do not want a cash boost, nor do I need it and nor should you judge my posts. I have said from the off, it is for my Mother not for me, and yes I think she deserves a cash boost at her age!! I think the point is being missed here. Do you honestly believe let sleeping dogs lie, and that he should not take any responsibility whatsoever for his actions?

Because there is no happy ending, that is why! You still hate the guy and want to back him into a corner.


If it's for your mother, in entirety, then you should leave it to her to decide and choose and look at the options. Not try to force her hand, which is what it will come across as

Mattonlaptop

shegirl wrote: »

Because there is no happy ending, that is why! You still hate the guy and want to back him into a corner.


If it's for your mother, in entirety, then you should leave it to her to decide and choose and look at the options. Not try to force her hand, which is what it will come across as

Never a truer word said, there is no happy ending because of his previous actions. But it is not a movie, and there can't always be happy ending.

Agreed on my Mother making the decision, that is a bridge we shall cross together when the time is right and more conversations with my Father have been had.

Armorica

Yes; in practical terms as you're now an adult, financial redress would more likely come through a divorce settlement than a CSA (although that might reflecting that your mum paid for your upbringing).

As a matter of principle, your mum should look at her will etc. - at the moment it's conceivable any estate would go to him! As he has other children and a new partner - it's in the best interests of both families to bring the legal position into line with the practical reality (even if large sums of money don't change hands)

clearingout

as a mum of young children who's father doesn't pay maintenance, I think I would be incredibly grateful that they understood the sacrifices I have made as they journey into adulthood. I do, however, see it as a struggle between my ex and myself and that it really shouldn't have anything to do with them. If they choose to judge him (and I do hope that they do) then I really only want that reflected in the quality of relationship they have with us as we grow older. But it's ultimately up to them. You are entering a minefield and I think if you're doing this for you, that's fine. But don't do it for your mum without her knowledge and her express permission because the chances of it ending well for all 3 of you are very, very small.

joe_mcclaine

Either involve your Mum from the start (before you royally !!!!!! things up) or leave it and move on.

Mattonlaptop

Armorica wrote: »

Yes; in practical terms as you're now an adult, financial redress would more likely come through a divorce settlement than a CSA (although that might reflecting that your mum paid for your upbringing).

As a matter of principle, your mum should look at her will etc. - at the moment it's conceivable any estate would go to him! As he has other children and a new partner - it's in the best interests of both families to bring the legal position into line with the practical reality (even if large sums of money don't change hands)

Yes, I will speak to her about this. I had not thought about this before, but I am pretty sure after him being on the 'run' for 36 years her will would reflect that.

FBaby

Have you spoken to her about it yet?

To be fair, if I was her, i wouldn't want you to do anything. My ex doesn't pay child support for his children and I have now accepted that he most likely never will. I am done battling and have accepted it. Maybe your mum did too. To be fair, she was very fortunate that the system at the time allowed her to be a stay at home mum for all your youth, so I wouldn't think she was that hard done by.

Also, you will need to take into consideration that if she was on IS all that time, she might not be entitled to all the maintenance your father would have been assessed to pay as at least for some years, most of it went to the government to upset against the benefits she received. In addition, you don't know if he did work, or even if he did, he might still not have been liable for any payment (if he was self-employed for instance).

You are building a relationship with your father, that is so much more worthy than trying to fight for your mum to get some money that she is unlikely to get anyway.