Father never paid child support, now found him after 36 years!

Mattonlaptop

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

You wont be able to get legal aid for this type of case so you are best off getting your free half hour with a lawyer and seeing if they think you (or your mother) could have a case

I honestly don't think my Father would want to go to court, if I know my Mother has legal grounds, I am sure he would want a private agreement.

The reason I say this is because I work in media, and a TV producer friend of mine would like to do a documentary about how I found him so am sure he wouldn't want that. Secondly, his one status update to his facebook friends (basically people who use his business) says that he is technically a bachelor as he never married his partner, it is like he tried to wipe out his entire past without actually officially closing that part of this life down.

quidsy

Is this really someone you want to have a relationship with in the future? If he is then I would let sleeping dogs lie, maybe mention often how much of a struggle it was growing up with a single parent etc etc etc. If you don't mind either way then go in for the kill & secure your mum a little comfort in her dotage. He sounds like a horrible person tbh. He isn't a father in any way shape or form.

shegirl

Honestly, I think you should ask your mum if she's ever wanted to do anything about it BEFORE you go seeking advice and all the avenues for her. Otherwise you could leave the poor woman feeling like you've got it all planned out and her feeling battered into a corner thinking she has to do it just because you want her to.


Seriously, calm it down and think about your mum and what she wants. Don't risk upsetting her

duchy

I'd start with the court- The papers may be archived and take a while to obtain. Bear in mind your Mum could refuse point blank to take action feeling she doesn't want to rake up the past though. It may be better to do as much of the leg work and lay out the possible routes of action and outcomes before putting it to her.

Mattonlaptop

quidsy wrote: »

Is this really someone you want to have a relationship with in the future? If he is then I would let sleeping dogs lie, maybe mention often how much of a struggle it was growing up with a single parent etc etc etc. If you don't mind either way then go in for the kill & secure your mum a little comfort in her dotage. He sounds like a horrible person tbh. He isn't a father in any way shape or form.

I don't feel we can ever have a relationship, he told me I have a half sister but he won't tell her about me because of an issue between them. The reason I brought all this up was because I wanted to approach him in private about it, with knowing I have a leg to stand on I could perhaps force him into an agreement without going down a legal road, if he didn't agree I could pursue further.

Still now he hasn't tried to take amends, we have been in contact since March. I recently had an issue where I was stranded abroad for a few days, he emailed me during this period asking how I was doing, I told him about my problem. His response 'I am sure the embassy will help'.

Mattonlaptop

duchy wrote: »

I'd start with the court- The papers may be archived and take a while to obtain. Bear in mind your Mum could refuse point blank to take action feeling she doesn't want to rake up the past though. It may be better to do as much of the leg work and lay out the possible routes of action and outcomes before putting it to her.

Hi Duchy,

That was my plan to do all the leg work I can first, and then approach her with some knowledge of the situation. Or approach my Father telling him my plans, and see if it backs him into a corner.

Where would I start with the courts, any Idea? I guess my Mum would have to approach them?

Thanks,
Matt

shoe*diva79

It sounds like you want to blackmail your father.. sounds like dangerous ground to me.

shegirl

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

It sounds like you want to blackmail your father.. sounds like dangerous ground to me.

I agree. It all sounds rather horrid and it's your poor mum who is going to get caught up in it. I feel for her tbh

Mattonlaptop

shoe*diva79 wrote: »

It sounds like you want to blackmail your father.. sounds like dangerous ground to me.

It may have come across like that, of course it is not my intention to blackmail him. I just want to try and get some kind of justice for my Mother by causing her as little distress as possible.

Mojisola

As they are still married, if your mother doesn't have a will, your father will inherit whatever she has when she dies.