Mum's dog bit my LO

Pollycat

Solsol wrote: »

This is all I have to say on the subject now I asked for some advice and have been left feeling like a bad mother for daring to let my son near a dog which i was led to believe was not dangerous when in fact it was

And as for the person who posted that my "kid" must have done something to provoke it "in their opinion"? Not sure how you can have that opinion having not witnessed the event but I saw the whole thing and my CHILD did nothing whatsoever to provoke it he wasn't even walking towards it the dog just went for him.

I'm already being made to feel bad by my own family I don't need it from strangers too

Thank you to everyone else who has been supportive

You know, when you ask for advice on a public forum, you're not going to get everyone on your side.

You have had a lot of support (including from me ) so imho it's a bit silly to take your bat and ball home because a few posters haven't agreed with you.

I think you've had enough positive replies to reassure you that other people think you're not being unreasonable.

roubaix

I have been in a similar situation and in fact still feeling the effects as my mil and I still barely have a relationship as a result.

When I was pregnant my oh and I sat down with his parents and expressed our concerns about their dog as in the 6 months before it had bitten two different people. I was always fond of the dog and still believe it is a good dog just since beginning to lose its hearing and eye sight it has become nervous and started to bite. We agreed if we were visiting after the baby was born they would muzzle the dog or put it in a locked room before we arrived.

Fast forward to when the baby was born and my mil refused to muzzle the dog and though at the beginning put it in another room she started to let it out on multiple times whilst we were there. She then announced she didn't want to lock it away as it was unfair. I said that was her choice as it was her flat and her dog but that it was my baby and therefore I was making the choice that if wouldn't go to their house. I didn't say they couldn't see their granddaughter and was happy to arrange meeting up elsewhere but my mil went bonkers and said my oh was the child, she was the parent and he should do what she wanted. We wouldn't change our minds so she refused to talk to him for a few months and I haven't seen her since. I wish it wasn't that way as for my oh's sake I would prefer to live in harmony with them BUT my child is MY priority and I have to protect it.

You are doing the right thing. You are protecting your child now that you have all the facts. I find it so difficult to understand how a grandparent cannot put a child before a dog but what people do is there choice but what you do once they have made their choice is your choice.

ohreally

sulphate wrote: »

Unfortunately that is not within the OP's control

She is in a position to put the dog and domestic situation on the radar of police/ local authority.

This may be a tragedy waiting to happen - something can be done about it that doesn't involve ignoring it.

GwylimT

Fear aggression is fairly common in dogs, just ask your vet why they have so many muzzles!

You cannot trust any dog not to bite just as you can't with a cat, therefore as a parent it is our responsibility to do as much as we can to prevent any animal biting our children. Unfortunately so many people ignore the warnings that dogs give before they bite.

There is a huge difference between an animal biting you and attacking, an attack is done to cause damage and out of true or trained aggression, biting is done out of fear.

My children know if they annoy any animal it will probably bite them or scratch them, but as parents we of course don't rely on that knowledge so unless we know an animal very well we don't let our children touch them/go near them. We certainly wouldn't allow them to toddle around in a room with a dog we don't know, we would pick them up so they are out of reach and see how the animal reacts to us first, and of course we would always ask the owner what the animal is like with children.

My grandma until very recently had a spaniel who hated children, mainly because my sister used to let her children abuse the animal, pull ears, poke eyes etc, oddly enough they did get bitten as it was the dogs only way to be left alone. As a result she would have bitten mine if I had allowed them near her, so when my children were young they were never left alone together or near each other. My son however being a complete know it all at thirteen decided to stroke her after knowing for years that it wouldn't be the best idea. Funnily enough she bit him, did it make her a dangerous dog? No, not at all, if she was she would have attacked him and caused actual damage.

Dogs bite, cats bite, rabbits bite, if you don't want it to happen keep your children away from all animals, otherwise until they are old enough/big enough to look after themselves keep your children out of reach.

splishsplash

My ancient westie has never liked small children in the house - particularly toddlers. She would probably bite them if she got the chance. So she's never had the chance - ever. If we have visitors with children, she's put out in the garden or locked in another room - no exceptions. She's 14 now, we still do it.

I think your mother is perfectly entitled to have a dog with issues - as long as she is willing to take responsibility for those issues. Unfortunately, it sounds like she's not really doing that.

If I were you, I would visit your mum's without your children. Have a chat about what will happen if she doesn't improve how the difficult dog is managed. The dog is dangerous - a proven biter - it's only a matter of time before a disaster happens. Maybe your mum feels unable to do much about it at the moment, as she're too unwell even to lock the dog in another room, so offer to help.
If she's willing, spend an hour or two putting a lock on the door and securing the fences so the dogs can't escape. Put a 'Beware of the Dog' sign on her gate and ensure the room into which the dog is locked is a nice place for him to be - with water, toys, a bed and maybe a treat or two.

If she's unwilling to do these things, or if the dog cannot settle in the separate room, then it's clear you would not be to visiting with your child, simple.
If she is willing to work with you, then maybe you can feel more confident about keeping your child safe.

FBaby

I think you've had enough positive replies to reassure you that other people think you're not being unreasonable.

The issue is what you do now because being convinced you are not being unreasonable (if you chose to go with what strangers on a forum say from what you've shared) is not going to solve the problem. The only ammunition you have is to stop her from seeing your child. Is that something you are prepare to consider?

I'm still not clear why you don't think that your child would be safe is when you went to visit your mum with your son, you called her on your way to ask that she ensures the dog is locked somewhere safe, and she texts you when she has done it, so you know your boy can enter the house without any risk. The dog will still have a better life stuck in a room for hours once in a while but living with your mum, than sent away who knows where and what treatment he might get there, if kept alive.

krlyr

sulphate wrote: »

I agree

OP has stated the dog doesn't get walked at the moment as the mother is ill... But otherwise when it is walked, being as the mother doesn't take suitable precautions to keep it away from her own grandchildren I think it's fair to assume it is probably not muzzled etc.

Unfortunately that is not within the OP's control. All she can do is suggest things but if mother isn't willing to play ball it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

Why 'fair to assume'? OP stated that the dog was not shut away on this occasion for the same reason dogs aren't being walked, the mother being ill. On other occasions precautions are taken, i.e. dog is normally shut away - therefore I would say it's just as fair to assume with that information that she does take precautions outside of her house too.

Or maybe the dog isn't walked outside of the house, because of its issues? It's not actually a heinous thing to not walk a dog, many dogs go without walks for various reasons, and live perfectly happy lives. They can be exercised within their home and garden, get mental stimulation to keep their brains working.
There are times when I haven't walked my own dogs - being fear reactive to other dogs, if we've had a bad day or two with reactions, I give them a 'day off' (or two) for the adrenaline to subside and to 'detox' from all the stress. Taking them out with all that residual stress in them would make them more likely to react, so more likely for the stress to increase, and we'd be in a vicious circle.
Equally, dogs have to be kept indoors for health reasons at times, and manage fine.

Don't think any assumptions can be made with the little information we have, we only know that a dog with a bite history was put in a situation where it felt the need to bite - a failure on the owner's half, but explainable on this occasion by the owner's ill health. I would imagine no one in the situation wanted this to happen, so the important thing here IMO is how everyone moves forward with all the information. Is the owner prepared to take reasonable steps to stop this from ever happening again, is OP prepared to forgive, and perhaps help, her mum out with this?

Person_one

ohreally wrote: »

She is in a position to put the dog and domestic situation on the radar of police/ local authority.

This may be a tragedy waiting to happen - something can be done about it that doesn't involve ignoring it.

I'm not sure the police would be interested in a bite here the skin wasn't broken and no treatment was required.

sulphate

krlyr wrote: »

Why 'fair to assume'? OP stated that the dog was not shut away on this occasion for the same reason dogs aren't being walked, the mother being ill. On other occasions precautions are taken, i.e. dog is normally shut away - therefore I would say it's just as fair to assume with that information that she does take precautions outside of her house too.

Or maybe the dog isn't walked outside of the house, because of its issues? It's not actually a heinous thing to not walk a dog, many dogs go without walks for various reasons, and live perfectly happy lives. They can be exercised within their home and garden, get mental stimulation to keep their brains working.
There are times when I haven't walked my own dogs - being fear reactive to other dogs, if we've had a bad day or two with reactions, I give them a 'day off' (or two) for the adrenaline to subside and to 'detox' from all the stress. Taking them out with all that residual stress in them would make them more likely to react, so more likely for the stress to increase, and we'd be in a vicious circle.
Equally, dogs have to be kept indoors for health reasons at times, and manage fine.

Don't think any assumptions can be made with the little information we have, we only know that a dog with a bite history was put in a situation where it felt the need to bite - a failure on the owner's half, but explainable on this occasion by the owner's ill health. I would imagine no one in the situation wanted this to happen, so the important thing here IMO is how everyone moves forward with all the information. Is the owner prepared to take reasonable steps to stop this from ever happening again, is OP prepared to forgive, and perhaps help, her mum out with this?

We don't know if the OP's niece was bitten recently i.e. when the mother was ill, but either way the mother has allowed her dog to bite a child on three separate occasions. This isn't a one off event so, yes, I think it's fair to assume that the mother, so far, hasn't been willing to take reasonable steps to stop it from happening again. Perhaps the OP not taking her son there will act as an incentive for the mother to do something about it.

I don't see how being ill explains this event. Whilst we don't know the nature of her illness, the OP said that her mother had plenty of time to shut the dog away as she knew they were coming. So presumably she is not bedridden and therefore physically able to do this. If not she could have asked the OP to shut the dog away as soon as she got there. The OP didn't do it of her own accord because she wasn't aware that it had previously bitten her niece twice.

If she doesn't take measures to protect her own grandchildren I find it hard to believe that she would put a muzzle on the dog if/when it is walked. We don't know if it's walked regularly when the owner is well, so I won't speculate on that.

*Robin*

Am I the only person who thinks it is a strange idea to take a small child who needs lots of attention, into a situation where OP says they are trying to help their Mum?
Is Granny supposed to entertain "LO" while OP cleans the house, walks the dogs or does any other tasks Granny is incapable of at the present time?

I love my grandkids, but if I was so ill that I needed family assistance, I would not want - or be able - to care for a toddler while his/her Mum was doing my housework.

One of my dogs was tortured by a three year old child at his previous home; all his life he was afraid of kids under the age of nine or ten. He was still a great dog - but we never, ever left unsupervised children with him. He could tolerate a baby being held in it's parent's arms, but would run and hide if the child joined him at floor level.
We had a secure fenced run in the garden. Visitors with young kids found it funny that at the sound of their off-spring's voice, the dog would scrabble to open the back door and escape, then shut himself in the run (leaning against the gate until it was safely locked behind him).

Am not suggesting OP's child 'did something' to Granny's dog - that abuse probably happened long ago - but it's a fair bet Granny knows her beloved companion would be PTS if she tries to re-home him/her.

Surely it's better to leave "LO" with her Dad / other family member, then OP can concentrate on doing whatever practical tasks Granny requires** without worry or interruption?

**ETA: Perhaps 'top of the list' should be to build a secure, sheltered dog-run in Granny's garden?