Advice required re.student daughter's allowance

Spendless

Mum supported the child by paying for expenses whilst she lived in her house.

Dad supported the child by paying maintenance.

Mum is supporting the child by letting her live at home whilst at Uni.

Dad supported the child by paying into a fund in order to give the child money for those years.

I see it as you are equal and there is no need to support more.

Personally I remain cynical that this money ever reached the 'trust fund' or hasn't already been blown on something else but I agree that's for Dad to tell daughter money was set aside for this day.

SuzieSue

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Why are you posting for opinions and not your husband?

It's his problem to deal with... what is he saying and doing? We know a lot about *your* opinion...

Because it affects them both financially - they are married after all. It is both their problems. Why should it be just his problem?

If her husband wanted to post he could and might well have done somewhere else.

Marshmallow82

When I was at Uni my parent's couldn't give me money but a couple of flatmates' parents were well off and paid their rent.

You're not talking about rent though you mean an allowance for having a good time, which is a bit different.

FBaby

In being a responsible parent, I feel it is important to attempt to instil an appreciation of money and a sense of responsibility in the child. University is not solely about achieving a qualification. It's also a crucial time to be acquiring fundamental life skills and money managing and a mature sense of responsibility are two of these skills.

Whilst I totally agree with this, I certainly don't think it should start at 18 just because...one turns 18 or start uni. If so far she has had little responsibility given to her in terms of financial management, it is highly likely that she will be lacking in skills and have very different expectations to what you consider to be appropriate now.

That being said, if a part time job during holiday periods for instance was conflicting with her ability to study, of course we would reassess. We are good and responsible parents and want to do the best for my step daughter, in every way

Surely if you consider that she is old enough to take the above responsibility, she is old enough to consider herself how working affects her or not.

I think that you need to either treat her like she is still a child, so give her money and tell her how she can spend it, and reassess when you consider she would work or not. Or treat her like an adult, agree either with herself, or if she is not being reasonable agree with your husband what she should receive (which could be nothing) and then let her learn how to look after herself.

Yes, she is a lucky girl, but that doesn't make her a bad person. My parents paid everything whilst I was at University and I only worked in my third year (because it was related to my studies and at the time, you only had to ask for one and you got it!). Yet I do have a very strong work ethic. I think it comes from the fact that I saw my parents work hard and enjoy the rewards and I wanted to do the same, which include helping my children through Uni if they do work hard and with dedication.

PeacefulWaters

Marshmallow82 wrote: »

You're not talking about rent though you mean an allowance for having a good time, which is a bit different.

And this is, for me, what it boils down to.

I believe there is a maintenance loan available of £2,871pa. £55 a week. Well, that covers transport and books with a bit left over for a sandwich, coffee or beer occasionally. If a phone contract is essential these days sim only deals are less than a couple of quid a week.

£10k lump sum. £60 a week for three years. That's fun time. Or a car and insurance. Or limited fun and a house deposit on graduation. Or a year out for travel. It's certainly good for a half decent laptop.

This student has cash coming in and has choices on how to spend it.

I look at my lifestyle and, despite being well paid, I don't have spare cash to get wasted three times a week. I don't see why anybody else should give up their income (or pension) to fund somebody else doing that.

theoretica

I am probably repeating myself, but if the daughter wants money, I think the daughter needs to explain how much she is asking for and what she will use it for and why she needs it for this. Not just get money from dad to equal whatever support mum gives. If she is going to go into science she could look on this as practice preparing grant applications...

Toto

I really am a firm believer in not providing young people with too much too regularly. A lump sum of major proportions at 18 for the majority is a recipe for a big spend and a lot of regret.


I really think kids need to have a bit of struggle in their lives. Obviously we don't want them to be on the streets with a begging bowl but they need a bit of 'this sucks' now and then to learn that hard work and good money management are the cure and they have the answer.


So, the 18 year old in uni living at home. She's had a massive lump sum, would I be giving her pocket money on top? hell no. I'd not be buying her cars or house deposits or anything else come to that. Give the girl a bit of pride and self esteem, let her work for something and achieve something for herself.

Homeownertobe

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

Hi Dolce, I have a little un going through Uni at the moment

I am a firm believer in work ethic too and I do not provide cash, regular or otherwise.

My little un lives in a student house and works 2 nights a week to afford basics

I provide 'things' - helped with shopping for all set up of uni life books, clothes, household items. Since the intial set up costs, I visit regularly with a bag of groceries and the odd treat. I buy books when the course requires as they are expensive, and things like shoes when required. Day to day costs are down to little un. Believe me, little un knows the value of a pound now

I think your step daughter is one very lucky girl as many people cannot afford to save a trust fund, and the fact she has all her household costs met, I don't see what she could possibly need money for? Her loan will cover her travel costs and lunches at Uni

I think you have done enough already mate

You seriously expect your student child to come to you when they need shoes because you refuse to provide a regular allowance despite their student support being based on your income?

Toto wrote: »

I really am a firm believer in not providing young people with too much too regularly. A lump sum of major proportions at 18 for the majority is a recipe for a big spend and a lot of regret.


I really think kids need to have a bit of struggle in their lives. Obviously we don't want them to be on the streets with a begging bowl but they need a bit of 'this sucks' now and then to learn that hard work and good money management are the cure and they have the answer.


So, the 18 year old in uni living at home. She's had a massive lump sum, would I be giving her pocket money on top? hell no. I'd not be buying her cars or house deposits or anything else come to that. Give the girl a bit of pride and self esteem, let her work for something and achieve something for herself.

Isn't that what she's doing at university?

System

I have to admit the idea of an allowance is alien to me :eek:

I had my loan and if I wanted more I got a job, which I had for the first 2 years till money that had been saved for me matured at 21 and it lived on that for my third year.

I think with loans+ the money saved the OPs daughter will have more than enough to get by (probably more than those of us who had to work had)