Find me a solution to a problem I can't solve?

Errata

You've started four new jobs in just over 8 months? Get another one and stick to it.

piglet25

I have a friend who has been through much the same as you, but he went to prison. He also got some anger management courses and is very much improved although the anger will always try to surface it is now controllable, please see if there are any courses you could go on, or you will have a bleak future with no job. I wish you luck, please keep the thread updated with your progress

meritaten

you are afraid of yourself - you know your capacity for anger - but don't you realise that because you do know this - you are LESS likely to lose it?

you may well benefit from anger management courses - because in my opinion you are half way there. you know its a problem - you just need to know how to manage it.

you sound like a nice person btw - you see yourself clearly and feel remorse for past acts. don't beat yourself up, you are on the right path - just need a little guidance. ask your GP about this - or google 'anger management courses'.

JellyCopter

Thanks for all your replies. Looking back at what I wrote in the wee hours of the morning shows me how much I'm focused on the past. With the suggestions of anger management, I do not feel I have an anger problem. With my boss, that was the first time in probably 6 years or more that I have lost my temper to that degree. There has been times where I've been frustrated, but never a time where I just snapped the way I did and that's where I'm lost because I have no idea where it came from. I have stayed clean from drink and drugs since the night I punched the guys son. There was no catalyst fuelling the fire on that day.

Counselling is a good idea, but here's the thing, I have no idea how to convey what I'm feeling? It's easier writing this to be honest. There is so much more going on than I said. With the quitting 4 jobs this year, there has also been I think 13 times now where I've been invited for an interview with an employer and when the interview comes, I just bottle it and don't go. I don't even ring them or send an email cancelling. Like this is not me.

Fbaby is right with the fear side of things, it is overwhelming me. I have achieved so much over the last 6 years, I could lose it all in a heartbeat and that scares me. Before I had nothing to lose because I had nothing and was a complete waste of space, now I'm not but by sitting back doing nothing I'm slowly regressing. I'll go see my GP as soon as possible and try explain everything in the hope a professional can make sense of what has went wrong with me.

Takeaway_Addict

You should be proud of what you have done and where you have come from but you are now shying way from challenging the issues further. Just read your last post again and look at the excuses coming through.

Go get counselling, it might take 2/3 sessions to start properly opening up and getting to the issues but if you don't start you won't change.

Keep moving forwards because at the moment you are stagnant and close to slipping backwards.

pinkshoes

This is just another wading through water scenario that you need to conquer, except no water this time.

Do you have anyone that could support you with interviews? Why not speak to the old boss and have a chat about what happened?

3 hours ago I went for an ultrasound to see my 10.5 week old baby, only to find out my pregnancy isn't viable and as my body doesn't want to miscarry, I'll have to have it terminated.

life sucks sometimes, but you have to move on.

FBaby

Counselling is a good idea, but here's the thing, I have no idea how to convey what I'm feeling? It's easier writing this to be honest.

That's what counsellors are trained for so don't worry about that

PlymouthMaid

I agree that you need help with managing your anger but I am impressed by all you have done to escape your past and make a better future. Could you try freelancing as there is quite a large demand for your sort of skills? You must by doing an awful lot right to have been offered so many jobs.

madrhino

I wouldn't necessarily agree it's just an anger management problem. As you said yourself, you went 6 years without getting angry. You did manage that anger to the extent that you didn't get violent and walked out instead. So you have improved in that respect. It sounds to me like an anxiety issue, triggered by getting angry at your old boss. You're scared of messing up again so it stops you from doing things. Everyone gets angry at things it's how it's dealt with that matters. You do need help. Go to your GP. There are different types of talking therapy and you can work together to find the best thing for you.

Pollycat

JellyCopter wrote: »

so I took off my shoes, socks, boxers, trousers and waded through it for about half a mile.

I hope the water was at least waist deep.

Seriously, FBaby is right.

FBaby wrote: »

That's what counsellors are trained for so don't worry about that

If you can mange to get sessions with a counsellor, grab it with both hands.

And I agree with Primrose - get in touch with your ex-boss and see if he is willing to give you another chance.
After all, he did acknowledge that he was in the wrong for having a go at you.